Sexual Abuse within LDS Culture

Last updated on: March 24, 2010 at 11:42 am by Natasha Helfer

Sexual Abuse within LDS Culture 2010-03-24T11:42:00-05:00 Natasha Helfer

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You’ll remember that I held a drawing in February for those who signed up for the email subscriber of my blog. I would like to share (with permission) the following emails that ensued between the winner and I. I am very grateful that she is willing to share her story with me and with the readers of this blog. The winner’s writing is in blue font and mine in black. I cannot emphasize enough the courage it takes to be able to tell this story – even in an anonymous venue. Again, thank you!

Thank you! I enjoy reading your blog on Facebook! I am currently working on my recovery from childhood sexual abuse. I was raised in strong Lds family. My father was my perpetrator for the 1st 13 years of my life. He served in positions of priesthood leadership–High council, and was Bishop of our Ward when I was a teenager. Now my aging parents live in my Stake and it has been a very difficult challenge for me and my husband and kids to deal with all of this–(He also sexually abused my daughter who is now 26yrs.). Dealing with this issue has taken its toll on our marriage. Thankfully I have a very loving husband who has tried his very best to be supportive and loving as I have gone through the recovery process. We have been working to mend the sexual dysfunction in our marriage as well. I have been interested in the Simply Sweet Marriage website and have checked out their products online. Thanks again for the prize!

I’m so sorry to hear about the abuse you had to endure and that has affected so many facets of your life. You are unfortunately not alone in this type of story. And the dynamics in our LDS culture can sometimes be re-traumatizing instead of healing.

I hope you can continue on the road of recovery you describe. You deserve it.

Hopefully this game will serve you and your husband well.

Would it be alright with you if I anonymously posted what you wrote on my blog?

Thanks and enjoy!

Natasha

Yes, I would be happy to share my story (anonymously) on your blog. And yes, I would agree that in my personal experience the LDS culture can be sadly very re-traumatizing instead of healing.

When I first got up the courage to go tell my Bishop that I was dealing with sexual abuse memories (most which had been repressed for close to 50 years) He made the comment that maybe I was “Crazy.” I left his office sobbing uncontrollably. He never really talked to me again or sought me out in order to offer help. I don’t think he even had a clue as to what to do with “people like me.” He told me that he would be calling the Hotline–a phone number that I assume Bishops are told to call to report cases like mine. Thankfully I have been working with a very qualified LDS family therapist who has dealt with many cases of sexual abuse in his practice over the last 25 – 30 yrs. He actually encouraged me to make my priesthood leaders aware of the situation I was facing. Thankfully he was able to help “put me back together emotionally” after feeling re-victimized all over again by my priesthood leader. A close female friend, after hearing of my experience with my Bishop, literally drug me to see our Stake President. As we entered his office I began sobbing before I could even get a word out. I told him of my experience with my Bishop and he basically defended him by saying, “Everyone has a bad day.” He also said he wasn’t a newcomer to the sexual abuse issue and so at the time, I did feel safer and more believed. Months went by. The Stake President later made a comment to my husband in passing that he was not convinced there had been any sexual abuse and “Wasn’t there any way that we could put this family back together.” It was a horrible experience for me to bear my soul to these men and then not to be believed–I felt the horrible childhood feelings come crashing down upon me. I just wanted to die. I felt suicidal very many days. Again, I have been blessed with a therapist who has been able to help me deal with all of this. I did tell my therapist that I felt he had “thrown me to the wolves” so to speak in recommending I seek help and counsel from my priesthood leaders. In telling my story, I in no way am trying to bad mouth, or bash my priesthood leaders. I simply am saying that men who are called to these positions of leadership are woefully unprepared to deal with the complexities involved in helping victims facing the challenge of recovery from this type of life experience.
My story does not end here. Today, there is a new Bishop serving in our Ward. He is tremendously compassionate, genuine and supportive of me in the recovery process. Our Stake President has helped and encouraged the start of a Woman’s Support Group– for women in our Stake dealing with any issues that have brought them heartache and pain. The original woman’s group in our Stake started about 3 years ago. The “LDS 12 step Addiction Recovery Manual” has been the foundation and focus in our meetings. We have Sister Missionaries called by their Stake Presidents and LDS Social Services in the area. Our one small group has grown to now include three other woman’s only LDS 12 Step groups in our county. These groups have helped provide a safe place for sisters who are dealing with difficult issues of all kinds, including codependency, sexual abuse, pornography addiction of a loved one, drug and gambling addictions, food addiction etc. The primary focus of the LDS 12 step program is to find Hope and Healing through the Miracle of the Atonement of our Savior Jesus Christ. The LDS 12 Step Manual is not written for survivors of sexual abuse specifically. But by studying the 12 steps, and applying the principles of the gospel found there in, I have found my way back into the loving arms of my Savior Jesus Christ. He is the one true source of all Healing, Light and Love. The Lord has truly blessed me all throughout my life and all during my recovery to this very day. I have never walked alone. He has always been with me and sent His loving Angels both seen and unseen to attend me in my journey. My journey has not been without opposition, some sadly within the walls of my own church. The Lord has never abandoned me and I will not abandon Him. His church is true!

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