I have suicidal thoughts and we recently purchased a gun for home protection…

Last updated on: December 2, 2009 at 9:00 pm by Natasha Helfer

I have suicidal thoughts and we recently purchased a gun for home protection… 2009-12-02T21:00:00-05:00 Natasha Helfer

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I just wanted to thank you for your post. I am the person who asked this question. I have read it many times and am planning to practice saying the words out-loud. You’ve written out the script for me beautifully, but thinking of saying the words aloud makes me nauseous.

After you posted your response, my husband and I discussed in detail my cuts for the first time. It was so hard but brought us closer. I trusted him and now he trusts me more too.

I still have suicidal thoughts. I feel comfortable in speaking with my husband about them most of the time. (They are rare and usually manifest during bouts of postpartum depression.) It is a slight concern for if we have more children because we recently purchased a hand gun for home protection.

I am wondering if you have any ideas on guidelines or warning signs I could give him for if he notices (or maybe even doesn’t notice) that I am feeling depressed. It is not a big enough concern for me to not own a gun but it is a concern. I think it would be a good thing to talk about while I am happy and healthy.

I am so pleased that you found my post useful and that you have begun a more in depth discussion with your husband regarding the issues you’ve faced in the past. It can be extremely difficult to disclose this type of history – even to someone you love and trust. But the effects of doing so are grand in potential for your intimacy! You already report feeling closer and sharing more trust. Big time kudos to you!! Here are some further thoughts:

I am definitely concerned that you have decided as a family to have a gun in your home when you are still struggling with suicidal thoughts. The research on having a gun for home protection as being successful is sketchy at best. Unfortunately, many lethal accidents (and even non-accidents: murder and/or suicide) occur with guns kept in the home. From situations where children get hold of a loaded gun, to adolescents fooling around or acting in an impulsive moment, to an actual intruder using the gun against the home owners themselves. Unfortunately, when correct precautions are taken to keep a gun correctly stored (locked and unloaded) it can be difficult to get to it in a moment of danger. Should I Keep a Gun in the House is an article worth reading. I know there are statistics on both sides of this issue but with you presenting as a “risk factor” per se, you may want to reconsider other forms of home protection. If your husband enjoys hunting or still wants to keep the gun for safety reasons, I would recommend that he be the only one that knows how to get access to it.
The following article, Understanding Depression, does a wonderful job of pointing out “red flags” and symptoms that both you and your husband can educate yourselves on to feel better prepared to face any future bouts of depression. Your best line of defense will always be open and honest communication between the two of you. This will include your willingness to share that you’re feeling low and his willingness to listen and take you seriously.
I appreciate your honesty regarding how difficult it is for you to be able to say positive things about yourself. Difficult to the point of causing you extreme discomfort and even physical nausea. I think practice is exactly what will get you there eventually. I would recommend individual therapy for you to continue to work on your personal growth, self-esteem, depression, suicidal ideation, self-image issues related to the scarring, etc.. I would also recommend that your husband be at times involved in the therapy so that he can be kept abreast of your struggles and progress alongside with the therapist. Ultimately he is your main support system. You will both find it useful to have him involved and educated along the way.

Again, I want to commend you for the many steps you have taken that have lead you to a place where you can state you are “happy and healthy.” May you continue down this path we are all on in one form or another: personal progression. Please feel free to keep me posted or to contact me more directly if you see fit.

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