Help me understand about oral sex…

Last updated on: October 6, 2009 at 11:00 pm by Natasha Helfer

Help me understand about oral sex… 2009-10-06T23:00:00-05:00 Natasha Helfer

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Hi, I am a married mormon man who strives to keep myself worthy. Lately, I have been looking for help for some sexual matters. I have never had education about these matters, neither in church nor in family. Then I found a statement of Spencer W. Kimball and his counselors on oral sex:

“The First Presidency has interpreted oral sex as constituting an unnatural, impure, or unholy practice. If a person is engaged in a practice which troubles him enough to ask about it, he should discontinue it.”
– Official Declaration of the First Presidency of the Church, January 5th, 1982.

I heard that it was invalidated 9 months later of published, but I am not sure. Please, help me to understand this subject.

Regardless of what was said or written in 1982, which I have not been able to officially corroborate, I do know that there is nothing in the current bishop’s handbook regarding “oral” sex. I know this because I’ve asked. As members of the church, we have the right to go to our bishop and ask this question directly if we see fit to do so. I know I have on several occasions, for my own personal information and when up against questions like these, and the response has always been the same: the nature of the sexual relationship between a husband and a wife is between a husband and his wife. The conditions that go along with this is that there be no coercion/abuse and that both feel comfortable. Pornography is not to be included in marital sex (even if mutually consensual) because watching or participating in pornography is breaking a commandment. Although I have never specifically asked about it, I have also made the assumption that anything that would be harmful to the human body (even if consensual) is also probably not OK (i.e. anal sex, certain S&M; practices, etc.).

It can be difficult to make sense of things that change over time in the church (especially its culture) since we believe that truth and doctrine are never changing. But things do change – especially things that have to do with culture versus doctrine. A wise member once told me that there is 1-doctrine, 2-principle, and 3-practice. Doctrine and principle won’t change, but practice will. We see this happen quite often through the church’s history. As our understanding increases, as our needs change, etc., etc. we receive or are more able to receive further revelation. This is the beauty of having a living prophet. One who speaks for us TODAY.

I also want to mention that I think it is healthy to ask when in doubt. There are many on both sides of the spectrum when it comes to extremes. Therefore, it is better to ask and begin a discussion towards healthy sexuality than stay stuck in what may be unhealthy sexual beliefs, stereotypes, thoughts, rigidity, etc. Asking is part of learning.

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