Tell your wife!

Last updated on: September 21, 2009 at 1:48 pm by Natasha Helfer

Tell your wife! 2009-09-21T13:48:00-05:00 Natasha Helfer

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

I completely agree! Tell your wife! I was one of those women who swore if my husband ever cheated I’d be gone with the kids before he knew what hit him (what hit him would have been my fist). And Beloved never felt he could tell me about the girl he dated in High School who he has never stopped thinking about. Until now. When he is back with her 18 years later, when we have 4 children and a life that he is giving up. And here we are, astonished to find that I am willing to work things through. However, he is not. But I wish he had taken the chance and told me about her years ago.

I’m so sorry that the situation for you and your husband has turned out like this. You must be in shock and in much pain. It just goes to show how honesty really always is the best policy. And fear is never a good reason for keeping quiet. Thank you for taking the time to write your comments. I hope they help us rethink how we approach others who may ask for our advice. We need to be very careful about what we say, even in casual passing. The “If that were me I would….” statement is assumptive because we don’t know what we would do until faced with the situation ourselves. And passing judgments on others who have acted in ways we think we disagree with (i.e. staying with a cheating or otherwise abusive spouse) is rarely helpful. When we do this, we only isolate those who may need a listening ear or just a compassionate stance to feel welcome or at ease in our midst.

I hope too that those who have been given the “If it were me….” type of advice, will take the time to sort out what it is they feel is in their and their family’s best interest before making life-altering decisions. It is not a good idea to act rashly – especially when the situation is painful and shock inducing. I wouldn’t want the pressure sometimes unwittingly put forth by friends, family or culture as to what “the correct decision” is to alter what would have otherwise been done if instead one had been listening to one’s own gut, instinct, and personal revelation. I’m not saying it isn’t wise to get advice from trusted people, I’m just suggesting that one has to weigh all avenues carefully. For example, there is an unspoken rule in our culture that expects us to leave and divorce a cheating spouse. If you don’t, you are classified as dependent, co-dependent, or otherwise pathetic. Yet, I know many strong women and men who have been in this position and have tapped into great strength, wisdom, forgiveness and love to be able to pull through, stand by their spouse, and move towards an even healthier and more intimate relationship than what they originally had. There is nothing pathetic about this! On the other hand, for some divorce is the answer. In our Mormon culture, there can be an unspoken rule that one must “endure” and stay married no matter what. This is not necessarily true either. There are abusive situations. There are non-repentant spouses with repeated offenses that have broken their part of the marital contract again and again. I just hope we are careful to make these types of decisions from the correct sources rather than societal pressure or expectation.

Uncategorized

Previous Post

September 21, 2009

FYI: Article on Mormon Sexuality

Next Post

September 22, 2009 Treatment for ADHD

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Abortion Abuse Addiction Adolescents Anger Anxiety BDSM Bipolar Disorder Body Image Boundaries Children Circumcision Civil Rights Consent COVID19-Coronavirus Death Depression Divorce Domestic Violence Emotional Abuse Erectile Dysfunction Faith Crisis/Faith Transition Gender Identity Gender Roles Gospel Teachings Grief Homosexuality Infidelity LGBTQ LGBTQ+ Male Issues Marriage Masturbation Menopause Mental Health Mindfulness Miscarriage Missions Mixed-Faith Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Parenting Perfectionism Physical Abuse Physical Health Pornography Premature Ejaculation PTSD Race Relations Relationships Rest Righteousness Self Care Self Injury Self-Esteem Sexual Abuse Sexual Disorders Sexual Education Sexuality Single Adults Social Media Spirituality Suicide Survey Temple Issues Transgender Health Trauma Uncategorized Violence Women's Issues Word of Wisdom

Select a Month September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 December 2018 November 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 March 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 July 2015 February 2015 January 2015 November 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 April 2014 February 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 May 2012 April 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

In what city was Jesus born?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Jericho Jerusalem Nazareth Bethlehem