How do I get a friend to read your blog without coming off as offensive?

Last updated on: September 8, 2009 at 12:48 pm by Natasha Helfer

How do I get a friend to read your blog without coming off as offensive? 2009-09-08T12:48:00-05:00 Natasha Helfer

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

I really like how you’ve set up your blog, and how much you can help others outside of a sit down, formal meeting. I wish I could get one of my best friends, and her husband to meet with you in person. Their marriage has been falling apart since after the ceremony (her words, not mine) and now she’s been putting so much emotion into trying to conceive and have a child (has one child, almost 3, and has had 4 miscarriages in the last year and a half) that she isn’t putting in anymore effort to help their relationship. She’s come to me for a shoulder to cry on, and to vent so many times. How could I get her to read your blog, or write to you without coming off as offensive? She called me about 3 weeks ago to tell me she was pregnant, again, and I haven’t had any communication with her since, assuming that she’s miscarried a 5th time.

Thank you for your compliments. When listening to the problems of a friend and then wanting to advise or be helpful in some way, it is important to remember the following things:

The most helpful thing a friend can offer is a listening and non-judgmental ear. Being willing to listen entails being quiet, empathizing with the situation (even if you’re not in agreement) and not butting in with your own issues or personal stories. In a good friendship there will be time for your issues or personal stories later.
It is imperative that friends do not suggest divorce as a solution – even in the direst of situations. More than likely, the friend will not divorce (at least, not right away), the couple will go through a make-up process and then you are left in the awkward position of having said what you did. Even worse, the couple does divorce and then the friend comes back later (directly or not) and blames you for having influenced her on this decision.
This does not mean that you can’t suggest getting appropriate help. After the role of listening has played out, it is perfectly appropriate to say, “Maybe this is something you need to get a professional opinion on. I see you hurting and at your wits end with the current situation. Quite frankly, I don’t know how to help other than just love and support you. There are lots of people whose situations improve with therapy. I came across this blog the other day – maybe you should check it out.”
If you know a friend is in an abusive situation, you could encourage her to come up with a “safety” plan – where could she go, who could she call and how in a time of danger? This is where getting professional help or help through the bishop/relief society president (if your friend is a member) should be highly encouraged.
Don’t tiptoe around obvious issues. People who are grieving can smell pity a mile away and usually resent it. They would rather people be upfront and honest than treat them as fragile or “falling apart.” For instance, if you are guessing your friend has had yet another miscarriage, don’t postpone calling her or seeking her out yourself. The situation of having any miscarriage, much less multiple ones, is immensely difficult for any woman wanting a child. I’m sure it must be hard for her to call everyone and tell them the latest news if this is what has happened. Be upfront and ask her directly what it is she needs from you. Serve her in ways she may not ask for. And treat her like you normally would. When in doubt, be honest – it’s better for you to say “I feel awkward and I don’t know what to say to you because I’m so sad” than to say nothing at all.

Uncategorized

Previous Post

September 5, 2009

FYI: Dealing with Fear

Next Post

September 9, 2009 She says this is my problem, not hers....

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Abortion Abuse Addiction Adolescents Anger Anxiety BDSM Bipolar Disorder Body Image Boundaries Children Circumcision Civil Rights Consent COVID19-Coronavirus Death Depression Divorce Domestic Violence Emotional Abuse Erectile Dysfunction Faith Crisis/Faith Transition Gender Identity Gender Roles Gospel Teachings Grief Homosexuality Infidelity LGBTQ LGBTQ+ Male Issues Marriage Masturbation Menopause Mental Health Mindfulness Miscarriage Missions Mixed-Faith Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Parenting Perfectionism Physical Abuse Physical Health Pornography Premature Ejaculation PTSD Race Relations Relationships Rest Righteousness Self Care Self Injury Self-Esteem Sexual Abuse Sexual Disorders Sexual Education Sexuality Single Adults Social Media Spirituality Suicide Survey Temple Issues Transgender Health Trauma Uncategorized Violence Women's Issues Word of Wisdom

Select a Month September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 December 2018 November 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 March 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 July 2015 February 2015 January 2015 November 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 April 2014 February 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 May 2012 April 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What did God make on the fourth day of creation?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Sun, moon, and stars Fish and birds Plants Man