We sometimes have a glamorized notion about “falling in love”…

Last updated on: August 11, 2009 at 3:51 pm by Natasha Helfer

We sometimes have a glamorized notion about “falling in love”… 2009-08-11T15:51:00-05:00 Natasha Helfer

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I think we sometimes have some sort of glamorized notion about “falling in love”- that marriage should be some sort of perpetual bliss. And while we should experience this joy in our marriages, much of our lives together are still fairly routine, mundane stuff- paying bills, doing laundry, preparing food, etc. Don’t underestimate the love you do have for your husband or overestimate what you think you should feel.

There are some excellent conference talks about “falling in love” and marriage. Here is a link to one talk, but search at lds.org and you’ll find others:

http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale;=0&sourceId;=e77da1615ac0c010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&vgnextoid;=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD

Yes, I completely agree with your comments. I appreciate how in the talk you refer us to, Agency and Love in Marriage, Elder Lynn G Robins discusses “love” being an action verb. And as we all know, action takes effort and the willingness to stretch our emotional muscles. It is hugely important for couples to be educated on this concept so that when they are facing the feelings associated with “falling out of love” they can approach them with a sense of it being somewhat normal, that many other couples go through these types of emotions, and that it is possible to strengthen a marriage when these feelings are dealt with and worked through. The fairy tale of “happily ever after” that we are bombarded with since childhood does us a disservice when creating our expectations of what married life is going to look and feel like. In fact most movies and stories we come in contact with don’t deal with the process of being married in a long-term relationship – they are more about the “hooking up” process with all of its accompanying romance, heightened emotion, sexual attraction, drama, etc. Many couples deal with an impending feeling of “Now what?” after the “I dos” are said.

Thank you for your thoughts and the referral to the article. On a side note, some movies I enjoy that are more on the “reality” side of things are Parenthood with Steve Martin and The Story of Us with Bruce Willis and Michelle Pfeiffer. They are always showing clips of both of these at therapy conventions I go to. 🙂

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