Is it common for a man to have a lower sex drive when his wife is pregnant?

Last updated on: August 25, 2009 at 9:13 pm by Natasha Helfer

Is it common for a man to have a lower sex drive when his wife is pregnant? 2009-08-25T21:13:00-05:00 Natasha Helfer

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Is it common for a man to have a lower sex drive while his wife is pregnant? When I was pregnant with our first and only baby (so far) my husband rarely initiated, whereas he regularly initiates (at least 4 times a week), and so it really hurt my feelings. I told him so and he said he has a hard time being interested, not because he isn’t attracted to me, but because he felt like I was some kind of holy vessel (ridiculous in my opinion) as I was carrying our baby and that sex felt inappropriate. Of course, now that I have a toddler, I have the lower libido, but we have a very giving, compromising relationship that I feel good about.

Yes, it can be common for some men to experience a change in their libido (both lower and higher) as they deal with the psychological and visual ramifications of their wives being pregnant. Much of this has to do with their level of education on the topic, religious perceptions and cultural perceptions.

Education: Some men (and women) are just lacking in the proper education of what to expect and what is OK or not OK when it comes to sexual activity once the wife is pregnant. For pregnancies that are considered “normal,” sexual activity is deemed perfectly appropriate by most obgyns. The uterus is positioned much higher than the vaginal opening (see below) and therefore, it is not possible for the penis to penetrate the uterus, or to touch or harm the baby in any way. If there are any medical concerns, the obgyn will bring them up to the couple in question and provide correct guidelines as to how to proceed.

Pregnancy

Religion: It is unfortunate that age-old religious culture has done so much to separate sex from anything pure or righteous. What a disservice to the human race! Even our beloved stories regarding our most pivotal women, mother Eve (perceived by many as a seductress and misguided temptress) and Mary, mother of Jesus (with so much emphasis centered on her virginity) carry with them much cultural clout that does little to integrate the role of being a mother and the role of being a lover. And yet, this is necessary to begin any family. It would behoove us to remember that the role of Mary being a virgin vessel had little to do with her sexuality per se (although I am in no way minimizing her important choice to remain chaste), but more the importance of understanding that Joseph was not Jesus’ biological father – instead Christ was the Son of God. We know she went on to have several other children with Joseph and therefore had what I’m hoping was a loving and appropriate sexual relationship with her husband. But this is not highlighted in religious history and both men and women are left with an underlying conflict that has not been adequately addressed in our overall culture. Therein lies your husband’s psychological conflict of seeing you as a “holy vessel” and not being able to have that coexist with what he normally perceives as his sexy and sensual wife. Let’s try to remember that the sex is what brought about your holy vessel to begin with. 🙂

Culture: We live in a time when thin, flat-bellied, muscular, and well endowed women are revered and desired. Both men and women are bombarded by images of what the perfect woman is supposed to look like – and she’s usually not pregnant (although the pregnant female is becoming less taboo and more photographed here lately). Whether we like it or not, our psyches are affected by these images, which in turn affect our sexual turn-ons. Unfortunately some men really struggle with seeing their wives bodies change into a rounder, softer form. Hopefully those who feel this way, will take the time and effort to challenge their thinking. Thank goodness, there are many men who are fascinated with the changes they see in their wives’ bodies, finding the new curves and roundness sexy and flattering. Not to mention the pride that goes along with the fact that this woman is carrying his child. The additional plus that most women become larger breasted while pregnant doesn’t hurt either on the side of being found sexy by the husband.

Some FYIs for educational purposes:

Many women experience a higher sex drive while pregnant due to increased hormones, more enjoyable outcomes due to the increase in blood flow to the vaginal/clitoral/labial area, and less worry about body image since it’s more acceptable to be round and plump while pregnant. This increased interest in sex can take some husbands (and even wives themselves) by surprise – hopefully in a good way. I encourage couples to enjoy this heightened time together since the care of a new baby and the lower sex drive women usually experience postpartum and through their breast-feeding months will cause a normal slow down in sexual activity for a while.
Not all women experience this higher sex drive. Those especially who deal with excessive nausea may understandably not get “in the mood” as often, and for some women the increase in blood flow can make it so that penile penetration can become surprisingly painful.
Having sex towards the end of pregnancy is theorized to help induce labor. Semen contains prostaglandins which can play a role in softening the cervix and help towards dilation. It is not proven that semen contains sufficient amounts of prostaglandins so this theory is still up in the air. However, orgasms produce oxytocin which is the hormone that causes contractions. So, in my book having sex at least can’t hurt the cause of trying to get things going.
Some research is showing that parents having sex can actually have a calming effect on a fetus and even a newborn (supposing it is sleeping in the same bedroom as its parents). While the fetus is in the uterus, all it will feel during sexual intercourse is a rhythmic rocking (much like the times when the mother is up and walking around). The newborn infant will find comfort in the sounds of lovemaking (the uterus is actually a very noisy place, and newborns have a hard time adjusting to the “quietness” of the outside world).

I’m encouraged by your description of your relationship being one of compromise and love. Hopefully if you and your husband decide to have another child, you can use these strengths to further open the lines of communication and better enjoy your sexuality during this special time.

Some articles you may find useful:

Safe sex during pregnancy: 10 things you need to know

Sex during pregnancy: is it safe?

Sex during pregnancy: What’s OK, What’s Not

Sex during pregnancy up to the individual

Uncategorized

Previous Post

August 24, 2009

For the first time EVER I am finding myself resentful of my husband in bed...

Next Post

August 27, 2009 How can I help my spouse disclose her past?

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Abortion Abuse Addiction Adolescents Anger Anxiety BDSM Bipolar Disorder Body Image Boundaries Children Circumcision Civil Rights Consent COVID19-Coronavirus Death Depression Divorce Domestic Violence Emotional Abuse Erectile Dysfunction Faith Crisis/Faith Transition Gender Identity Gender Roles Gospel Teachings Grief Homosexuality Infidelity LGBTQ LGBTQ+ Male Issues Marriage Masturbation Menopause Mental Health Mindfulness Miscarriage Missions Mixed-Faith Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Parenting Perfectionism Physical Abuse Physical Health Pornography Premature Ejaculation PTSD Race Relations Relationships Rest Righteousness Self Care Self Injury Self-Esteem Sexual Abuse Sexual Disorders Sexual Education Sexuality Single Adults Social Media Spirituality Suicide Survey Temple Issues Transgender Health Trauma Uncategorized Violence Women's Issues Word of Wisdom

Select a Month September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 December 2018 November 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 March 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 July 2015 February 2015 January 2015 November 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 April 2014 February 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 May 2012 April 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

How many years between David's reign and the Babylonian exile?

Select your answer to see how you score.

400 years 300 years 500 years 450 years