How far is too far?

Last updated on: July 1, 2009 at 3:54 pm by Natasha Helfer

How far is too far? 2009-07-01T15:54:00-05:00 Natasha Helfer

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Okay I’m just gonna ask, at the risk of you feeling like I have just ignored everything you just wrote. And I am not even sure that you are the right person to ask, but seeing that this topic is being addressed here, here goes…. so often I am in a group of LDS girlfriends and the topic of Sex always comes up. I am sure that we are an odd group at best, these are always the same questions/comments. “How far is too far?” and my favorite “my husband wants to get a little nasty”(which I would love to find out what nasty means, because in our prudish culture is probably what others do on a first date.). I’ve been with Non LDS women and have had to leave, as they swapped stories, and things to try. My age group is 30plus and we all remember the council from Church leadership (I can’t pinpoint this at the moment) eons ago where it was strongly encouraged that we not participate in oral sex, even in marriage.
I think it’s funny that we are so programed by this (myself included), but what quick answer would you give us in these situations as girlfriends sitting around.
Thanks! And I love your Blog!!!!

Thanks for your complimentary comments and your great questions. I think it is important and a good sign that you are able to have an outlet with other LDS women (and also non-LDS women) to discuss sexuality. As long as this is done in a respectful fashion, especially where the spouse is concerned, I believe it can be a place where our own biases, myths, and misconceptions can be challenged and even dispelled. It can also be a place where we stand by our convictions and realize others may be comfortable with things one is not. Regardless, it will be a learning opportunity.

I’m not sure what you are referring to regarding official church council regarding oral sex within marriage (maybe others will know and write in). I am not aware of anything being said of the subject by any recent leaders. I have previously asked this specific question of several bishops I have had. All have responded similarly with it being up to the couple in question. I believe oral sex can be one of the many ways a couple can show love to one another and forge an even deeper level of intimacy. For some women, it can be an easier way to achieve orgasm. However, some are not comfortable with this sexual style and should not feel coerced or forced into it.

As far as “getting nasty”, this can have very many definitions for different people. Rather than use the term “nasty” which implies “dirty” or “wrong,” I’d like to discuss the ability of becoming more direct and/or aggressive in our level of communication. Sometimes men can find themselves being the main pursuer of sexual relations. It can be exciting and wonderful for them to have their wives switch that role and pursue them at times. Talking is always a way to appropriately spice things up. My intention in writing the following is not to be inappropriate or offend, only to serve as educator. All of the following could be fun and playful things for women to say:

keep touching me there, that feels so good
you are so big, I love how you fill me up
you are such an incredible lover
I need to have you right now!
take me now
whatever you do, don’t stop, etc.

These types of communications during sex or as part of foreplay can be incredibly arousing for men. It can also be a way for women to explore their more assertive sexual sides and their feelings of being sexy, attractive and in control. Trying different positions can also be an exciting tool, as well as having different places to have sex. Just like we got creative back during our dating years as to fun, cheap dates that kept us looking forward to the next one, we can do similar things with our sex lives. All it takes is a bit of creativity and willingness to try something new.

The most important thing to a healthy sexual life between partners is loving, honest and respectful communication. The willingness for both to step out of comfort zones or old, unproductive patterns is also important. Sex can be such a fun and playful part of a marital relationship that also serves as a bonding tool. I hope all can be committed to achieving this type of sexuality within marriage.

I would also recommend reading my earlier post on both oral and anal sex.

Uncategorized

Previous Post

June 30, 2009

Shame and guilt are not the same thing, right?

Next Post

July 4, 2009 We feel too embarrassed to confide in others...

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Abortion Abuse Addiction Adolescents Anger Anxiety BDSM Bipolar Disorder Body Image Boundaries Children Circumcision Civil Rights Consent COVID19-Coronavirus Death Depression Divorce Domestic Violence Emotional Abuse Erectile Dysfunction Faith Crisis/Faith Transition Gender Identity Gender Roles Gospel Teachings Grief Homosexuality Infidelity LGBTQ LGBTQ+ Male Issues Marriage Masturbation Menopause Mental Health Mindfulness Miscarriage Missions Mixed-Faith Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Parenting Perfectionism Physical Abuse Physical Health Pornography Premature Ejaculation PTSD Race Relations Relationships Rest Righteousness Self Care Self Injury Self-Esteem Sexual Abuse Sexual Disorders Sexual Education Sexuality Single Adults Social Media Spirituality Suicide Survey Temple Issues Transgender Health Trauma Uncategorized Violence Women's Issues Word of Wisdom

Select a Month September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 December 2018 November 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 March 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 July 2015 February 2015 January 2015 November 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 April 2014 February 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 May 2012 April 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Who is credited with predicting Cyrus by name, who would rebuild Jerusalem?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Ezekiel Jeremiah Zechariah Isaiah