I think our sexual stewardship is up to us…

Last updated on: June 24, 2009 at 12:27 pm by Natasha Helfer

I think our sexual stewardship is up to us… 2009-06-24T12:27:00-05:00 Natasha Helfer

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Thanks for a great post and great comments. My DW and I had a great conversation the other evening about this very idea, that so many LDS (and other) folks want to know what the “rules” are: where the lines are. If there is a rule, we’re determined to try to follow it, but we need to know what the rule is. (We must seem almost frantic to Natasha and other professionals when we clamor to know whether what we’re doing or are thinking about doing are “okay.”)

On the issues of intimacy in marriage, the quote from the Parent’s Guide is often quoted. Unfortunately, the word “unnatural” isn’t defined (there I go, seeking the “rule” again). However, it is followed by the following paragraph:

“Both husbands and wives have physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual needs associated with this sacred act. They will be able to complement each other in the marriage relationship if they give tender, considerate attention to these needs of their partner. Each should seek to fulfill the other’s needs rather than to use this highly significant relationship merely to satisfy his or her own passion.”

Many of the things on the topic of intimacy in marriage I have seen point to the idea of fulfilling the needs of the other partner, rather than for selfish satisfactions. To that end, it seems to me, as I interpreted Natasha’s post to say, that if both parties in the couple are open and willing to try something and neither feels pressured to do something, certain acts (including those discussed in the post) would be “okay” within marriage.

I agree with the comment that there are a lot of people who are determined to set the “rules” and announce them to others. But absent a declaration from the Church, I don’t think that such folks have a stewardship over my marriage and relationship. I do, and my wife does, so I think it’s up to us.

Thank you for your comments. I love the gospel teaching of “stewardship,” and how we are clearly guided in our understanding of what we should have stewardship over (i.e. church callings, family duties, personal progress, etc.) and what we should not (i.e. other people’s church callings, other people’s families, other people’s personal progress). I agree wholeheartedly with the fact that each couple has the stewardship and responsibility to lovingly and respectfully define its sexual boundaries and comfort zones with one another within their relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. This is a very personal venture meant to bond spouses to each other without the meddling of other’s unsolicited opinions or judgments causing doubts or problems. We can ask for opinions and guidance along the way when we need help from appropriate sources, but ultimately the responsibility lies within the couplehood.

I don’t want anyone worrying about seeming frantic or inappropriate when asking these types of questions. I understand the need and desire to be worthy members of the church of Jesus Christ. And when things are not specifically spelled out, it leads to questions and differing interpretations (this can happen even when things ARE specifically spelled out). That is why open, direct and safe communication regarding these topics is so important. This is also why it is important to understand the balance Heavenly Father offers us between giving us guidance and allowing us to use our given talents, intellect and resources to figure things out. In wanting us to learn and grow for ourselves, He does not give us all answers as clearly as we would sometimes like. Anyone who is a parent can understand this teaching concept well.

On a side note: could you educate me on the chatting lingo being used such as “DW.” I’m obviously behind the times on this aspect. 🙂 Thank you!

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