What do you do when your spouse no longer wants you to wear garments?

Last updated on: April 14, 2009 at 1:27 pm by Natasha Helfer

What do you do when your spouse no longer wants you to wear garments? 2009-04-14T13:27:00-05:00 Natasha Helfer

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

My sister’s husband was excommunicated and dislikes her wearing her garments as he considers them unsexy and silly. Perhaps other couples in similar situations (or even where both are believers) struggle with this.

There is a dynamic that seems to occur within a couple where one has left the church or is in the process that is fascinating to me. It is as if that person has completely forgotten what it means to be a devout and practicing Latter-day Saint. I know that people change throughout the course of marriage: our ideas, thoughts, plans, goals, even testimonies can take different directions than we originally planned as a couple. However, if a person finds themselves taking a different path than the spouse, and if that path is different from what they originally agreed upon, then that person needs to take particular care to respect the spouse who is more than likely feeling blindsided and possibly even betrayed. One who has lost their testimony cannot expect their spouse to follow suit as well as vice versa (remember the role of free agency). This husband should know through their shared history, what the garment means to his wife. It is an important symbol to her and he should be willing to respect that. The marriage and family structure trumps differing testimonies. It will be paramount for both to approach their relationship in this situation with care, tenderness and willingness to find common ground. The message your sister needs to assert is “I love you. I am very saddened by the choices that have led to your excommunication. However, I plan to stand by you and have the best marriage we can have. In order to do this, I need your respect. You know that the garments are sacred to me. I plan to continue to use them and I would appreciate that you no longer make negative comments about them. I know you can do this for me and it will make communicating with you much easier. I will be happy to explore different things I could wear when we plan to be intimate that we can both enjoy.” In this statement she is able to stand by her convictions and compromise at the same time.
I don’t know how to be more clear with men in particular: The best way to completely kill your sex life is to tell your wife anything about being unsexy, unattractive, overweight, etc. I think men sometimes think that these comments will serve as motivators for their wives to get their “act together” and change. Have fun with that!! I can promise you that it will be the most ineffective and awful strategy you will ever engage in with long lasting effects. For every year that your wife perceives you deem her unattractive, plan on it taking her two years to recover. If you want a sexy and attractive wife, I hope you are doing your very best to make sure she feels sexy and attractive.
There should be room for compromise in the area of attire during love making and sexual play. Some members find garments attractive and some don’t. Just like it is appropriate to take off the garments and put on a “uniform” or “costume” for certain activities (i.e. swimming, ballroom dance, sports, etc.) it is just as appropriate to first of all, take off garments during sex and secondly, don sexy attire for the act of lovemaking. Wearing sexy underwear or lingerie for this experience can be a fun and arousing way for a couple to enjoy each other.
When a partner is married to a non-member to begin with, it is important to take their feelings into account when it comes to taking out your endowment without them. I believe the official counsel in these situations is to make sure your spouse is in agreement of your wearing the temple garment before you decide to do so. Again, whenever the spouse is taking a different road than the original plan, they need to do so with respect to the other.

Uncategorized

Previous Post

April 14, 2009

Further Comments on "How would you define Pornography?"

Next Post

April 15, 2009 Commentary on "Your Spouse No Longer Wants You to Wear Garments"

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Abortion Abuse Addiction Adolescents Anger Anxiety BDSM Bipolar Disorder Body Image Boundaries Children Circumcision Civil Rights Consent COVID19-Coronavirus Death Depression Divorce Domestic Violence Emotional Abuse Erectile Dysfunction Faith Crisis/Faith Transition Gender Identity Gender Roles Gospel Teachings Grief Homosexuality Infidelity LGBTQ LGBTQ+ Male Issues Marriage Masturbation Menopause Mental Health Mindfulness Miscarriage Missions Mixed-Faith Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Parenting Perfectionism Physical Abuse Physical Health Pornography Premature Ejaculation PTSD Race Relations Relationships Rest Righteousness Self Care Self Injury Self-Esteem Sexual Abuse Sexual Disorders Sexual Education Sexuality Single Adults Social Media Spirituality Suicide Survey Temple Issues Transgender Health Trauma Uncategorized Violence Women's Issues Word of Wisdom

Select a Month September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 December 2018 November 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 March 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 July 2015 February 2015 January 2015 November 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 April 2014 February 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 May 2012 April 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Who was taken up to heaven in a whirlwind?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Elijah Moses Samuel Elisha