What about masturbation?

Last updated on: September 24, 2012 at 1:47 pm by Natasha Helfer

What about masturbation? 2012-09-24T13:47:54-05:00 Natasha Helfer

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What I’d like to know is why masturbation is never mentioned anymore. I believe it’s even more prevalent than pornography, and since it’s never mentioned but pornography is, people seem to think it must be OK.

Masturbation is still mentioned by church leaders and publications as something its members should try to overcome and not participate in – however in less punitive language than it has in the past.
My stance on masturbation may be somewhat controversial in that I think it has a lot to do with what developmental stage you are in, as to whether or not it is a serious issue. There is already a lot of controversy surrounding masturbation within the medical and psychological communities which tend to see a certain amount of masturbation as “healthy” behavior.
Three reasons I believe the church speaks out against masturbation are:

For a few people, it can turn into compulsive behavior.
The thoughts and fantasies that go along with masturbation can be deemed inappropriate.
When married individuals masturbate independently of their spouses, it takes away from the possibilities within the marital sexual relationship.

However, I do not agree with the overwhelming guilt and even negative fascination I see many struggle with as a result of the way we in the church sometimes educate about masturbation and the extreme expectations that parents and leaders can have particularly of their young and single adult men and women (i.e. I have been confronted with situations where a youth is suicidal because of masturbation guilt, where youth and parents have a misconception of what addiction is and claim they are addicted to masturbation when in reality they may be masturbating once or twice a month, where these misconceptions or misrepresentations of sexual activity get people kicked out of BYU unnecessarily, etc.).
As I have spoken of before, we are all sexual beings with strong sexual drives. There is divine purpose in this and Heavenly Father created us this way. These sexual drives are apparent even before children reach the age of accountability. Children start to rub themselves up against things, touch their genitalia and even masturbate relatively early. This is simply because it feels good to do so. Although we may see this behavior through an adult lens of sexuality, it is a very innocent manifestation for a child. It is of utmost import for parents to approach our children gently and lovingly as we guide them through these times that we may find awkward and anxiety producing. These are the times when children get their first messages of sexuality and they can be particularly loaded: “Don’t touch yourself! – That’s yucky! – Those parts are dirty! – What are you doing?!” Additionally, many parents don’t use anatomically correct language which can further confusion.
Then children turn into adolescents, and by this time they have usually learned to hide their sexuality from their parents. Sexual drives are rampant as hormones are ever changing. For young men wet dreams are starting to occur, which can be a source of complete inappropriate guilt for something they don’t even have control over. Young women who masturbate usually are clueless because parents and leaders can assume that young women just don’t do this. We need to expect that masturbation will more than likely fall under normal sexual exploration of our adolescents and single adult population. Again, gentle and loving guidance coupled with education are needed. This is not a time to freak out and think that your child is in the throes of sexual acting out or sexual addiction.
Among married couples, masturbation can be a source of foreplay and the sexual creativity I speak of when they want to explore different ways of being together. It is also an excellent source of sexual intimacy that can be achieved through sexual play over the telephone or other means of communication when a spouse is on a business trip or otherwise separated.
I know there are married couples who find themselves, for a variety of reasons, in sexually frigid relationships. Therefore, one or both may resort to masturbation as a form of sexual release. Although I would rather see the couple start working on regaining their marital and sexual relationship, I can empathize with the frustration and seeming hopelessness found in many of these situations. This is also true of older adults who find themselves unmarried.
The main problems I see with masturbation are when it is directly correlated with pornography use, when it is hidden from a spouse and when it has become incessantly frequent. And by too frequent I mean numerous times a week or several times a day. In some treatment centers which deal with sexually compulsive behavior, masturbation is treated like alcohol for the alcoholic – total abstinence is required for a period of time in an effort to rewire the brain for recovery.
Along with procreation, our sexuality is meant to provide us with pleasure in the context of drawing us closer and more intimate with our beloved spouse. As parents and teachers, we need to include this doctrine in our conversations with youth and young adults regarding masturbation. As sexually active adults, we should always ask ourselves if our sexual drives and actions bring us closer to or drive us further away from our mates.

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