Using “A Parent’s Guide”: A Commentary

Last updated on: April 1, 2009 at 9:41 pm by Natasha Helfer

Using “A Parent’s Guide”: A Commentary 2009-04-01T21:41:00-05:00 Natasha Helfer

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The Church has published a guide entitled A Parent’s Guide that might help shed some light on some of the questions discussed relative to sexual intimacy within marriage. The purpose of the guide is to “help you teach your children about these physical intimacies and to prepare them to follow the Lord’s plan in expressing their own intimacy.” The guide covers the life span of infancy through courtship and marriage. In chapter six, page 45 we are counseled that “The world may countenance premarital sex experiences, but the Lord and his church condemn in no uncertain terms any and every sex relationship outside of marriage, and even indecent and uncontrolled ones within marriage.” On page 47 there is this interesting counsel: “In sexual matters, as in all other aspects of marriage, there are virtues to be observed: “If it is unnatural, you just don’t do it. That is all, and all the family life should be kept clean and worthy and on a very high plane. There are some people who have said that behind the bedroom doors anything goes. That is not true and the Lord would not condone it.”

We do possess moral agency that gives us the freedom to choose in life, including choosing how we will engage in sexual intimacy within marriage. However, I think that we need to remember that our choices always trigger consequences. Assuming that we desire the consequences of exaltation and eternal life, we need to be careful that our choices, especially our choices relative to fulfilling The New and Everlasting Covenant of Marriage, are choices in harmony with the spirit of that covenant. I would encourage all to obtain a copy of A Parent’s Guide; I would think that the meetinghouse libraries would have them available—If not, they can be ordered from the Distribution Center.

I agree that “A Parent’s Guide” is a useful tool for teaching our children about sexuality and even for giving some basic guidelines to adults.
The persistent problem with trying to adhere to general guidance meant for a wide audience is who gets to define the terms that are used. “Indecent,” “Uncontrolled,” and “Unnatural” can mean drastically different things to different people. Again, how we define these terms have much to do with how we were raised, our anxieties surrounding sexuality (we all have them to one extent or another), our sexual histories including the possibility of sexual trauma, etc. What can seem completely natural, loving and intimacy-producing to one couple can seem shocking to another. There are even more complications when the definition of these terms differ within a couple. This is why, in my opinion, it is so important to have an avenue for members to have more frank and open discussions (in an anonymous and respectful fashion) where questions can be asked, answered and a dialogue can be opened. Many LDS members and couples suffer in silence when it comes to sexual topics. It is my intent through this blog to begin the conversation so many need to be having. Thank you for your comments.

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