Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Home
Buddhist
Home Leaving and Letting Go, Real and Imagined, on the Zen Way

Home Leaving and Letting Go, Real and Imagined, on the Zen Way

Last updated on: July 4, 2021 at 8:47 am by James Ford

Home Leaving and Letting Go, Real and Imagined, on the Zen Way 2021-07-04T08:47:58-07:00 James Ford

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

There’s an old Facebook meme. It goes when I became a Buddhist my family and friends were all worried. But once I became a Buddha everything became okay.

Let’s look at that first part.

I recall the story of a young woman who joined the San Francisco Zen Center in the very early 1970s. Her parents were terrified she’d joined a cult. Cults were very much a thing. Both something of reality, with a surrender of will and the power of groups. But, for the most part vastly more a frothed up mélange of fear of the different, and especially fear of anyone rejecting the standards and mores of the moment. In this case the family hired a deprogrammer to have her kidnapped. A sad story. And not uncommon in that moment. Kidnapping and deprogramming was a bit of a cottage industry at the time.

There was a brief moment of confrontation where her parents presented themselves and told her that they were responsible. This was to provide the rope for the victim to grasp in the midst of a fairly brutal coming days. This is where things started going off script. She offered them a deal. She’d go through the deprogramming voluntarily. But, at the end, if she decided to return to the Zen center, they would honor her decision.

Reluctantly they agreed. She did the program. And it was brutal. And when it was over, she returned. Today she is a venerated elder within the Zen community.

There is a moment when we notice within our bones that something is wrong. As I’ve noted, we can experience this sense of dislocation in any number of ways. But once we do, if we also capture a hint there may be a way through, and then we set a clear intention, then worlds change.

Not least is our most intimate world, the world of our family and close friends. There are reasons that young Zen practitioner’s family were terrified. And not just because of the cult scare of the time. There was a fundamental challenge to the world they lived in.

In the Christian allegory Pilgrim’s Progress, the protagonist Christian has a vision of a terrible apocalypse and wishes to embark on a journey to his salvation. He tells his family, his spouse and his children. And they don’t believe him. So, he embarks on the way by himself.

I’ve read a delightful critique of that moment, an unsigned paper that observes this abandoning of family is not very Christian. And opines how he should have found a way to bring his family along. In the allegory all is well by the second part. But the author raises a real point. It’s not unlike the current feminist critique of the Gautama Siddhartha’s own abandonment of his wife and child along with his responsibilities as a prince.

How do we throw ourselves whole heartedly into the way? How do we honor that vow? When our very lives are tangled, how do we make our way?

Another image comes to mind. This was talking with a clerk in a large Department store. It turned out he had been a Catholic monk for more than twenty years. He left because his mother was sick and had few resources and if he didn’t take care of her, she probably would have been on the streets. What I found particularly compelling in our brief conversation, while the pain of leaving the monastery was clearly on his heart, he also was clear he’d made a right decision. And, most important, he seemed to feel he was still fully engaged in the great matter.

My friend the Zen teacher Grace Schireson talks about once being confronted for being married and a Zen priest. When asked how she squared that circle she replied, “I keep all my vows.” If a koan is an assertion about the intimate way and an invitation to stand in that place, I keep all my vows is definitely a koan.

So, when we take up the way there is a lot of confusion. And it can involve a lot of hurt.

In traditional Buddhism entering the way means “leaving home.” In fact, the original Buddhist community was a company of monks. Later a company of monks and nuns. If you couldn’t or wouldn’t take monastic vows the best you really could do was support those who did and hope for a more propitious birth next time around.

Here’s a truth. The critique of Pilgrim’s progress and the abandonment of his family is right. The critique of Gautama Siddhartha abandoning his family and obligations, is right. And Christian’s headlong pursuit of salvation is right. And Siddhartha’s abandonment of his family and embarking on the way led to the possibility of healing for a whole world. He was right.

A lot of rights happening all at once. And with them a whole world of possible hurts. And I think it’s worth noting in both John Bunyan’s story and in the story of the Buddha, the protagonist and his family are eventually brought back together.

With that, what’s the deeper point? What is it that’s wrong with our family that we have to leave? That’s the real question.

For every deeper truth of our lives, we will find a lot of counterfeits. In Buddhism the fundamental analysis is that most of our human suffering comes from grasping after that which is passing. In the grossest of senses one can call that the world. Every moment the world and every part of it is dying.

But if the solution were simply to not care, well, that would be a pretty sad thing all by itself. The deeper question is how do we surrender our grasping? And how do we do it in the situation in which we find ourselves?

For some this might very well lead to some cloister, to trips to India, to entering monasteries in Kyoto or Tassajara or St Catherine’s in the Sinai, or the Abbey of Our Lady of Gethsemani outside of Louisville. The list is long. And any might be a right choice.

With the caveat that I fact we bring it all with us into the cloister, our grasping and our fears and our self-centered opinions. There’s that wonderful cartoon where the guru says to the disciple, “You’ve now completed your training. You have only one more test.” The next panel shows the disciple at home at a Thanksgiving dinner.

The grasping of our family, the fear of our family for what we’re doing when we begin the spiritual quest is tangible.

And. The question is not what it is they fear. The question is what is it that they’re showing you about yourself? What part of your heart is caught up in the grasping? And with that, how do you manifest in this world, this world where there is no escape? Where every act, every thought can either be counterfeit or gold?

What is it that you really need to let go of?

A question to visit and revisit every step of the intimate way.

A koan.

Uncategorized

Previous Post

July 3, 2021

ON OPENING THE WAY: Foundations of a Spiritual Life

Next Post

July 7, 2021 WHEN LOOKING FOR A ZEN TEACHER: A Reflection on Spiritual Teachers in General, and Zen Teachers in Particular

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category A Christmas Carol Abolitionist African-American Ahmadiyya Alan Watts Aldous Huxley Allen Ginsberg Amedkar Jayanti American politics American Zen Anaheim Zen Sangha Anglican Annie Besant April Fool Armageddon Art and Religion artificial intellegence Atheist Awakening B R Ambedkar Barlaam & Josaphat Beatnik Between Bhagavad Gita Bible biography birthday bodhisattva Bodhisattva Precepts Book burning Book of Common Prayer Book of Mormon Brahmo Samaj Buddha Buddhism Buddhist Buddhist Lord's Prayer Butterflies Calendars cartoons cat ChatGPT Chicken Tortilla Soup choices Christian atheism Christian mysticism Christian origins Christian Science Christian Zen Christianity Christianity and Buddhism christmas Christmas Truce Christopher Isherwood Church of Later Day Saints Cinco de Mayo circus covenant critical thinking culture D. T. Suzuki Dalit Buddhism Daniel Defoe Desert Fathers and Mothers dharma talk Dogen Donald Trump Dongshan's Five Ranks Dorothy Day dream Duty Easter ecology Edwin Arnold emptiness Empty Moon Zen Network Episcopal Church Eternal Now Ethics evolution existentialism Faith fantasy Fathers Day film film review fire Five Ranks Folk music food Form and emptiness Four Seals Francis of Assisi Francis Xavier Free thinker friendship George MacDonald Gerald Heard Glenn Taylor Webb God Good Friday Gospel of Gospel of Mark Gospel of Thomas grace Graduate Theological Unioin Graduate Theological Union Guanyin H R Blyth Hakuin Ekaku Hanamatsuri Hanukkah Harada Yasutani Zen Heart Sutra Henry David Thoreau Hermann Hesse Hinduism History and Religion history of religion Holy Spirit home Hospitality Icon Ides of March Isaac Newton Islam Islamic mysticism Jack Kerouac James Luther Adams Jiddu Krishnamurti Joan of Arc Johannes Gutenberg John Donne joke Judaism justice karma kensho King James Bible koan Koun Yamada Kyoto School Lewis Carrol Liberal Christianity Liberal Religion Life Plan Community Liminal literature Literature and Religion Liturgy Lord's Prayer Love Mahatma Gandhi Mahayana Martin Luther King Jr Mary Baker Eddy Mary Magdelene Mary Oliver Mayflower Compact Meditation memories memory metaphor money money and religioin Mormons Mother's Day movie review mysticism mythic Neighborhood Unitarian Universalist Church New Thought Nichiren Buddhism Nonduality not knowing Omar Khayyam Pacific School of Religion pagan Palm Sunday Passover peace Pentecost perennialism Phantastes Philip Kapleau philosophy Pilgrimage poetry Poetry and Religion politics Prayer Precepts Printing Press prophecy prophetic spirituality psychology Pure Land Queer religion queering religion Quietism Ram Mohan Roy rebirth recipe Relationships and religion religion religion and history Religious syncretism Resistance Retirement Retreat review Rissho Kosei Kai Ritual Robert Aitken Roshi Robert Ingersoll Rohatsu Romani religion Rosie the Riveter saints samadhi SanboZen Sangha Satyagraha science science and reigion science and religion science fiction seminary sermon Sesshin Sex and Religion Shinran Sikh Sikh tradition silence Social Justice Socially Engaged Buddhism Society and religion Soto Zen soul spiritual community spiritual practice Spirituality Sufism Suicide superstition Taoism Television Teresa of Avila Thanksgiving theological schools Theosophy Thomas Merton Time Transcendentalism Transcendentalist Trinitarian Trinity Uncategorized unitarian Unitarian Christianity Unitarian Universalist Universalism Vajrayana Vedanta Walking war Willa Cather William Ellery Channing wisdom women and religion women in religion World Teacher Writing zazen Zen Zen Center Zen inspired retriement zen meditation Zen Precepts Zen women

Select a Month September 2026 August 2026 July 2026 June 2026 May 2026 April 2026 March 2026 February 2026 January 2026 December 2025 November 2025 October 2025 September 2025 August 2025 July 2025 June 2025 May 2025 April 2025 March 2025 February 2025 January 2025 December 2024 November 2024 October 2024 September 2024 August 2024 July 2024 June 2024 May 2024 April 2024 March 2024 February 2024 January 2024 December 2023 November 2023 October 2023 September 2023 August 2023 July 2023 June 2023 May 2023 April 2023 March 2023 February 2023 January 2023 December 2022 November 2022 October 2022 September 2022 August 2022 July 2022 June 2022 May 2022 April 2022 March 2022 February 2022 January 2022 December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 September 2021 August 2021 July 2021 June 2021 May 2021 April 2021 March 2021 February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 September 2006

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Who said, "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still"?

Select your answer to see how you score.

David Moses Solomon Joshua