Failing Ramadan? On Fasting and Being “Non-Practising”

Last updated on: July 9, 2015 at 6:41 am by Guest

Failing Ramadan? On Fasting and Being “Non-Practising” 2015-07-09T06:41:38-04:00 Guest

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Source

The writer of this post wishes to remain anonymous.

If fasting were a class or a course, I’d give myself an F this Ramadan. This is strange for me, as I have never had any problems fasting, even during long hot summers, and I’ve been doing it since I was ten. This is the first Ramadan I feel I have “failed.” It was clear to me that I couldn’t do it when I woke up and I just did not see the point of not eating and not drinking. So, without planning to, I broke my fast. I remember “cheating” once or twice as a child during Ramadan and feeling incredibly guilty. This time, I didn’t feel guilty at all, because I did not see the point any more. I couldn’t convince myself it was worth doing. Maybe there is no mystery to this. You might think it is all explained by the word “non-practicing.” OnIslam has a definition of what that means here – with the analogy that a non-practicing Muslim is like a doctor who gives up working as a doctor and instead decides to sell sweets.

Now, of course, being the daughter of Muslim immigrants, I get the doctor part, but why not say shopkeeper, is there something symbolic about selling sweets? Is it like I have allowed myself to be led astray from my higher calling (to save lives!) to something unessential and self-indulgent that will also give me rotten teeth?

Although I am happy they make a distinction between apostate and non-practicing, OnIslam annoys me, with their pious holier-than-thou tone. I can’t stand that tone. I suppose this is partly the reason that for the past few years, I have been gradually becoming more of a cultural Muslim. But to me, labels like “non-practicing” don’t explain much.

I stopped obsessing over prayers years ago, but I kept fasting throughout that time, even making up my missed days religiously, if you’ll pardon the pun. Sometimes I even did extra sunnah fasting on Mondays and Thursdays. I couldn’t tell you why. It was just something I liked doing.

This month, this last pillar of the faith, this last ritual seems to just make no sense, and it feels like the last few threads connecting me to faith have fallen away.

So far this Ramadan, I have fasted for about two-thirds of the time, and given myself a break on other days. I noticed that when I was eating I was able to focus better on my work, and to get more out of the day. I would look around me and see those who were fasting had become vampires and zombies: turning night into day and doing little to no work, moving around as though in slow motion, and it exasperated me. I know, logically, that this is not inherently a problem with fasting but with how people choose to fast, but it still annoys me. The people who waste hours standing for twenty rakas for taraweeh while yawning and daydreaming and clearly not focusing annoy me. Sit down, read a couple of verses and really focus on them. It would be a much better use of time.

All this led me to thinking, are the difficulties that non-practicing Muslims tend to face around Ramadan? What about ex-Muslims? Is this a thing? As it turns out yes, it is actually a thing. See, for example, this video, where Imtiaz Shams and Aliyah Salem share some hacks for making it through Ramadan when it no longer makes sense to you.

I found some things to relate to in this video, though it is for ex-Muslims – and that is not how I define myself. I don’t like the words “lapsed” or “non-practicing” but they reflect something, not the whole truth, but something about where I am.

I believe in God and the Prophet, I pay zakat, would like to go to hajj, pray occasionally, and it turns out, I sometimes fast during Ramadan. In her beautiful and honest article, Practicing Islam in Short Shorts, Thanaa El Naggar writes “I feel very Muslim.” And though I am in some ways less “practicing” than El Naggar right now, I too feel very Muslim, if that’s a thing you can feel.

I would like to find my way back to faith, but to some form of faith that makes sense to me. And next Ramadan, maybe I will be able to make more sense out of fasting. I hope I will.

Ramadan 2015

lapsed Muslim

non-practising

Previous Post

July 7, 2015

Ramadan Thoughts On Muslimness and Indigeneity

Next Post

July 9, 2015 My "Anti-Social" Ramadan

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Advertisements Art/Theater Books/Magazines Cinema Comics/Cartoons Culture/Society Events Fashion Film Friday Links Merchandise/Commodities MMW Announcements MMW Highlights Music/Radio News Photography Politics Profile Ramadan 2012 Ramadan 2013 Ramadan 2014 Ramadan 2015 Roundtable Satire Social Media Sports Technology/Science Television Uncategorized Video Web

Select a Month November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 September 2009 August 2009 July 2009 June 2009 May 2009 April 2009 March 2009 February 2009 January 2009 December 2008 November 2008 October 2008 September 2008 August 2008 July 2008 June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Who were Esther's adversaries in the Persian court?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Sanherib and Nabonidus Sanballat and Tobiah Haman and his family Geshem and Tobiah