Loving Our Neighbor – Simple Steps in Making a Difference

caring for aging parents

Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Philippians 2: 4

Needing God but not always wanting God, we expect others to take the place of God in our lives, depending on them to guide our decisions, to love us continuously and unconditionally, to provide for us emotionally, physically, socially, totally.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss

This is the story of two neighbors. One old(er). One young(er). It’s a lovely sketch about how we can learn to love our neighbor like Jesus did.

Joe had been on the receiving end of good things from his elderly neighbor Frank for as long as he had lived in his home. Over twenty-five years had passed since Joe and his family moved out to the country and next-door to Frank. Joe often remarked to anyone who commented on the benefits of country living that it wouldn’t be nearly so perfect if they didn’t have Frank for a neighbor. He recounted how faithfully Frank would discharge any responsibility of caring for their assorted animals when they went away on vacation; how Frank would “look out” for any strangers; how diligently Frank would make sure he never forgot one of their children’s birthdays. The list of kindnesses went on and on.

Role reversals happen

Now, the kindnesses need to be reversed, Joe thought reflectively. Instead of Frank always on the lookout for us, we need to take the initiative and be sure we are anticipating what he needs. Joe felt sort of overwhelmed by the whole prospect of squeezing in the time it would require to walk over to Frank’s house several times a week and take a quick look-see to subtly evaluate how his elderly neighbor was faring, let alone working in the time needed to get Frank’s chores done in addition to his own. Sure, it didn’t take that long (not in hours and minutes)…but still, Joe recognized that Frank wasn’t getting any younger and he was giving off more and more hints of being unable to handle even the minor household repairs and maintenance. Tasks that used to take Frank an hour or so to complete now took almost a full day.

Thinking about the best ways to offer some practical assistance, Joe came up with a plan. Joe would mention to Frank that they were trying to find ways for his kids to start serving in the neighborhood (all true). What better way than to engage the whole family in offering to do some simple yard work or even some weekly deep cleaning that Frank couldn’t manage anymore? From Joe’s perspective, it was a win-win scenario.

Make serving a family affair

Frank would be far more likely to accept this kind of help because it involved the kids and in a round about fashion, the kids would benefit from learning to serve others in need early on in their lives. Joe felt a burden lift off his shoulders. Maybe with all of them pitching in together, Joe and his family could become an integral part of the long-term plan to keep Frank living in his own home for much longer. Always neighbors, thought Joe. But now, we’ll just have to remember that we’ll be the ones looking out for Frank instead of him looking out for us. Things really do come full-circle eventually, don’t they? And, Joe reflected, it’s all good.

Life is always in motion

Given the fact that life is always in motion, we would all fare better if we kept our personal expectations of people and relationships (and everything else in between) moving fluidly as well. Like Joe experienced when he first came to recognize that all those long years of having taken for granted that Frank would always be around to help his family, it was a shock. Joe slowly came around to thinking about specific ways where he and his family could move into the role that Frank had so lovingly taken on years before. Instead of assuming Frank could continue at the same pace as he had when he was younger, Joe realized first that it would most likely have to be him initiating changes in their relational responsibilities. Frank wasn’t going to be the one who backed off from offering his assistance. It would have to be Joe who took the lead firmly but kindly.

Joe soon realized that his biggest obstacle wasn’t the fact that Frank was aging, it was that he (Joe) needed to adjust his former expectations. Like all of us, when something in our life that has been running smoothly alters, we feel the bump of change deeply. It is unsettling. It is uncomfortable. It does put us out of ease. We suddenly realize that what once worked is now broken. Which then begs the question, what do we do to repair the situation?

Love as you would want to be loved

Perhaps like Joe, you’re discovering some areas of your life that are doing some shifting and shaking and you feel uncertain about what’s coming next. Don’t allow fear to stop you from boldly entering into situations that require some reconsideration and possible revisiting. Do look for positive solutions to creating safe spaces for your loved ones given their ever-declining skills and abilities. Do it for their peace of mind (and yours).

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