A little SAHM math equation

Last updated on: February 16, 2012 at 6:00 am by michaboyett

A little SAHM math equation 2012-02-16T06:00:47-07:00 michaboyett

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

You may be shocked to hear this, but sometimes I feel like a loser for being a stay-at-home-mom. (I’m sure you’re not shocked.) Somedays I have greasy hair and wear my pjs until lunch and feel like I’ve got to get a grip quick. Sometimes I think about the working world with an idealistic longing for adult conversation and a feeling of accomplishment and an opportunity to wear smart suit jackets and these shoes (don’t you love using “smart” as a clothing descriptor?). Sometimes, I hear a mean voice in my head saying that my husband pays for everything and I sit around in my pjs eating sick-looking valentine cupcakes that taste really awesome.

I have a super smart friend here in Austin named Meghan. She’s new in town as well. She’s an attorney and she’s new at her firm and has been expected to work obscene amounts of hours. She has a two-year-old. We were talking about our completely different daily experiences with motherhood: how she’s balancing her demanding working life with her mothering life; how I’m learning to be grateful instead of guilty for my life at home. Meghan used to stay home with her son during his first year. She struggled with the same sense of guilt: Was she really contributing to her family? What was her value?

She had a friend who spelled it out to her like this:

If you were to hire someone to provide the same level of care for your child, a nanny who worked 10 hours a day playing, cleaning, getting him down for a nap, feeding, teaching, reading to him…what do you think that would cost you? You do have a job.

I’ve been thinking about that myself. If I were to hire someone to care for my two children with the level of care and dedication and commitment I have, for a ten hours a day, seven days a week, I could be shelling out $50,000 a year. Then add taxes.

That’s $3,000 a month.

I may not be bringing any cashy cash into the home, but I’m starting to think of myself as someone who provides. I’m not just a greasy haired jammie wearer arranging playdates. I’m a provider.

Of course I believe my work is important. There’s a reason I chose to stay home and there’s a reason I continue to. But, just in case you stay home and you’re like me and have days where it feels like your life at home is something that smarter women laugh about far away behind their executive desks, while wearing “smart” suit jackets, I hope you’ll sit down and do some math and determine how much money you would have paid someone else to do your job today.

Sometimes, those of us SAHMs need to think of our time at home as a real job. A real job allows breaks and rest and conversations at the water cooler. A real job has a stopping point. If you feel like you don’t get a chance to take a breath. If you don’t feel like you have someone after those ten hours of work to share the burden with you. Why don’t you pull out the calculator, friend?

Stay-at-home-mom, I’m not saying you should become crazy about your invisible salary. I’m just saying you should give yourself some grace and, if you have a working husband, so should he.

Working mom, I’m talking to you, too. You should give yourself some grace as well. You work hard and then you come home and work hard. If I had my way, you’d arrive home to sparkly bathrooms and already prepared healthy meals every evening. But, I hope you remember, you’re being asked to work two jobs. Give yourself a break if it’s all a bit hairy these days.

And now I’ll just link to these shoes one more time, because, come on.

Motherhood

mama life

work

Previous Post

February 15, 2012

{Practicing Benedict} The work of God

Next Post

February 17, 2012 Poem-a-Day Friday: Rainer Marie Rilke

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category A Deeper Church Beautiful Beautiful and Broken Books Broken Deeper Story Family and the Christian Year Family Life Found Friends Guest Post Invitation Motherhood My Chalkboard One Good Phrase Pinterest Place and Stability Poetry Practicing Benedict Thankful Tuesday The Daily The Mama Monk the Praying Life The Pursuit of Enough This Sacred Everyday Uncategorized Vlog Women and the Church World Vision

Select a Month March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Three of the four beasts from Daniel's vision are: a bear with three ribs in its mouth, a leopard with four wings and four heads, and a terrifying beast with iron teeth and ten horns. Which beast is missing?

Select your answer to see how you score.

A bull breathing fire A dragon with seven heads A ram with two sets of gilded horns A lion with eagle's wings