Why Do I Do This?

Last updated on: March 11, 2014 at 10:58 pm by Abra Carnahan

Why Do I Do This? 2014-03-11T22:58:23-07:00 Abra Carnahan

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I’ve been asked why I spend so much time reading about, listening about and talking about God. It started out as a sort of hobby, but it isn’t any more. It is work. It does take time. Sometimes there are other things I’d rather be doing. But I found this quote that explains perfectly why I blog, why I talk like a church lady, and why I use Facebook and Twitter the way I do:

“One of the reasons we like our friends is because we like who we are when we are with them…this is true of Jesus — when he and I are close, I like who I am. When we seem distant, I am a disaster. Well dressed, perhaps, putting a good face on things, but lifeless — like a cut flower. As a buddy said over lunch the other day, “When I am in Christ or he’s in me or however you describe that, everything is different — the way I see myself, the way I see you. I am the man I want to be.” (source)

This is true for me as well. I don’t like the person I was before I started pursuing God.

Think of me as a bucket — one with some rusted holes in the bottom of it. Before I found Christ (He always had me, I just didn’t want to make eye contact), sure, I’d find something, someway, to fill myself up temporarily — but it never lasted very long. Pretty soon I was desperate for a refill. Grasping. Panicked.

If you want to understand art, you must learn about the artist. You and I, we are works of art. The artist is the Almighty God. Who was and is and is to come (studying Him is inexhaustible). My Artist knows how I work, what I crave and He knows how to fill me — because He made me that way. But more importantly, only He knows how to keep me filled.

I’m trying to study Him – the source of all life, of all truth, of everything — by studying my Bible, by considering His art, by looking for clues about Him and it is helping me understand everything else. I can’t seem to get enough. Everything is clear when I look through these glasses. It is as though I’m seeing the world for the first time. Everything is so vivid, so beautiful, so intentional. I started looking for Him and now I see Him everywhere and I don’t want that to stop! I’m addicted and praying that I stay addicted, “Let your Holy Spirit be a constant witness to my soul, remind me that You are my salvation. Break my bones and put me back together in such a way that I might dance joyfully and shout of Your praises”. For the record, He has been quick to take me up on the invite and I know He’s only just begun to work on me. After seeing Him work in my life, I’m more excited than a kid on Christmas morning! “Be gracious to me, God, and reveal my trespasses. Though my sins are red as blood, make me whiter than snow. Make me willing and obedient. I desire to count all a sacrifice to You.” I know, I know! I sound like a nut job! But when I see how good it is when He changes me, I can’t help but want more. It is as though He is taking broken pieces of pottery and making something beautiful and useful out of them. Piece by piece. Yes it hurts — sometimes more than others, but then I see how it effects my loved ones: this sort of work, it’s not just good for me – it is good for my husband and my kids, too. So far, they prefer Crazy Church Lady Abra to the Abra I was in previous years. Glory be to God!

I know I could apologize to those I am annoying with all the God talk, but I’m not going to. Not because I don’t think I am annoying — no doubt I am in any number of ways. But instead, I’m going to ask you to join me. The truth is that even when He is challenging me (pruning, breaking bones, plucking out, refining — the sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a contrite heart), that it is less painful than going on with a mediocre understanding of Him and the payoff is overwhelmingly more fulfilling.

Spiritual fulfillment: what every person on the planet wants, what psychologists charge $100 an hour to help you find, what the self-help section of the books store is trying to sell you — it is free and it’s sitting right in front of you!

This thing, this fulfillment I’ve found, it’s exciting and I can’t seem to shut up about it. So, feel free to block me, to un-friend me, to call me a crazy church lady, but honestly, I really wish you’d just join me on this wild adventure!

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