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Cancel (Another Poem About Twitter)

Cancel (Another Poem About Twitter)

Last updated on: April 20, 2020 at 2:54 pm by Morgan Guyton

Cancel (Another Poem About Twitter) 2020-04-20T14:54:06-05:00 Morgan Guyton

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Beelzebub was presiding over the
Convention of demons he had
Gathered to strategize about what
New techniques they could use to

Continue the entrapment of humanity;
They reviewed the success of spectator
Sports and Budweiser in sabotaging
Class consciousness and solidarity among

Those who might otherwise be in the
Streets protesting and throwing wrenches
In the cogs of the mill that continues crushing
The bones of the favela dwellers, but there

Seemed to be a new danger; the younger
People were less susceptible to celebrity
Culture and mind-numbing couch vegetation;
They were starting to get empowered and

Discover new tribes in the world-wide web;
It was like they were building a tower to
Heaven together and if they harnessed
Enough synergy, they might gain the

Trust required to walk out of the mill
And start a new way of life in the meadows
Beyond the dutiful worries that keeps
The gears in the motion; “I’ve got a plan!”

And a hush fell over the demon crowd
As everyone looked to see where the new
Voice was coming from; a young fellow
With a smirk from ear to ear — he said,

“We need to convince them that their
Problems are caused by individual
People who must be canceled.
They can have names like Karen

Or Chad or Becky and when they
Say terrible things that make them
Look terrible despite whatever good
Things they might have otherwise done,

Despite whatever underlying traumas
Or anxieties they carry that might have
Compelled them to behave monstrously
Like the kid with Tourette’s who can’t stop

Cussing and shrieking, instead of correcting
Them through a community that treats them
Like family and has built up trust over time
So they are able to change and grow and

Feel loved by those who care enough about
Them to help them let go of their poison,
We can recruit anonymous strangers from
Every corner of the Internet to drag them

And make sure that they will never have
A job again or go to college or have anyone
Swipe right for them because googling
Their name will make it clear that they are

Outside the bounds of acceptable humanity;
The brilliant thing about this is once Chad
And Becky become a thing, then everyone
Will secretly worry whether they are acting

Like Becky and Chad and that will devour
Energy that could have been spent building
Barricades and planting vegetables for local
Refugees to eat. They will do research on how

To speak with perfect rhetoric so that nobody
Will ever drag them and they will build
Their lives around trainings in correct thinking
Instead of going to protests. And all of them

Will go to battle in a world they create where
Only words and memes exist and that
Will become the real world so that the world
Filled with pollution and cops shooting children

And single moms gasping for air who aren’t
Even trying to instagram will continue to
Slowly asphyxiate while the winds get fiercer
And the sun gets hotter and sidewalk strangers

Are even more menacing than they ever were
Before and the other side is even more
Incomprehensible than it ever was before;
Isn’t this the most ingenious plan for stopping humanity?”

A full minute passed without any demon
Speaking; some were clearly furious at having
Been bested by this Johnny come lately
Who hadn’t paid his dues in years of suppressing

Revolution and undermining humanity’s potential
For kindness. But his plan seemed entirely flawless
Except for one issue that started to flicker in the
Mind of an old demon who got up the nerve to

Give voice to it: “What if they delete Twitter?”
He asked with complete sincerity, not seeking
Conflict. Then Beelzebub himself answered:
“They won’t!” And everyone laughed and cheered.

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