A Thanksgiving IHOP run and my complicity in the failure of capitalism

Last updated on: November 28, 2014 at 9:56 am by Morgan Guyton

A Thanksgiving IHOP run and my complicity in the failure of capitalism 2014-11-28T09:56:33-05:00 Morgan Guyton

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

I don’t go shopping on Black Friday, not because I’m a virtuous person, but because it’s the one day when I get to wag my finger self-righteously at the concept of responsible consumerism, i.e. things like doing your homework, writing lists, making plans, comparing prices, and making responsible adult decisions, basically all the things I’ve always sucked at which the girls in my middle school class with the color-coded binders were always so good at. But there’s nothing virtuous about my refusal to take part in Black Friday. I was reminded of that yesterday evening when my family was hungry and we didn’t want to eat the leftovers from the Thanksgiving meal we had for lunch. So we went to IHOP, which destroyed its employees’ Thanskgiving holiday because they knew that consumers like me would make it worth their while. Except they didn’t want to pay holiday pay to too many workers, so they gambled by using only a skeleton crew, not expecting the place to get swamped by families bored with their turkey lunches. So we all waited and looked around to see if the other tables were getting their food. They weren’t either. And the Guyton family left IHOP one hour and fifteen minutes after arriving, having received a grand total of two ice water refills and no food.

Capitalism always outsources accountability for its failures to the lowest people on its food-chain: servers, clerks, that tech support guy named “John” from Bangladesh. When about twenty minutes had passed after we put our food order in tonight, I started getting really angry at our server. Even though I had guzzled my straw very loudly, she had swept right past our table without offering a refill. So the next time she came by, I yelled as loudly as I could, “Could I PLEASE have some water?” She grabbed my glass without breaking her stride and came straight back with a full one and immediately turned around and went back into the kitchen.

And then I realized what a jerk I was. Who had she given up her Thanksgiving meal with to scramble around sloshing ice water for angry customers like me? So I decided I was going to give her a twenty percent tip no matter what, because here she was working on Thanksgiving and she was probably exhausted. That would be my statement of Christian grace. But then I thought about the Boundaries book I’ve been reading. What if she really was being lazy and irresponsible? Wouldn’t it be a betrayal of my faithful role as a customer and an act of enabling an unhealthy family system to overtip her in a way that was incommensurate with her performance?

And then it hit me how impossible it is to assign blame in these circumstances with any integrity. There was absolutely no way for me to know whether it was the server’s fault for neglecting us or the cook’s fault for not being able to multitask under a rush of orders or the manager’s fault for understaffing. But so many consumers like me in our capitalist system have no problem taking our frustration out on the server, the clerk, or tech support. I wonder how much rage is simmering constantly under the surface for middle-class people like me who see out of the corner of our eyes that everything is falling apart, and we need some scapegoat to crucify for the thousands of nickle and dime fissures in our world where technology has never broken so easily and obsoleted itself so quickly, where airplane flights are never not overbooked, where restaurants are not only open on supposedly family-oriented holidays but as understaffed as they can possibly get away with so that you get punished for patronizing them.

But the problem is that I’m the problem. I behave exactly the way the marketing executives expect me to behave. I will go back to IHOP even though its management screwed over the staff and customers last night by under-staffing its store in Sulphur Springs, Texas, and probably a lot of other places too. I will go back anyway, because my youngest son will want the funny face chocolate chip pancake that IHOP used to market to him.

In the same way, even though Amazon has screwed me over before, I will never stop being their slave. I don’t have time to go looking all over town for gadgets anymore like I had to do in the nineties. So I go on Amazon and click free two-day shipping. It’s so easy. I’m part of a giant tidal wave that can’t be stopped, destroying local businesses all over the world every time I click my mouse. Resistance is futile. And even though I hate chain restaurants, when I’m hungry and it’s a holiday, I will go to whatever place the neon lights are on and there are cars in the parking lot. Even a place as disgustingly generic as IHOP.

I don’t exactly have an epiphany that will tie this all together into a little bow. I know very generally what I need to do. I need to live with intentionality. I need to deliberately support local business. How did I learn to feel so easily overwhelmed and exhausted? Why does it feel like such a daunting task that I don’t even want to try? I want to claim that I’ll try my best, but I know that the only way I successfully boycott Walmart is by going to Target. I can’t boycott both Walmart and Target at the same time. I realize I probably should boycott Amazon, which makes Walmart’s scorched earth decimation of mom and pop general stores look like small potatoes. Scratch that. I should DEFINITELY boycott Amazon. But I won’t. Because then I would have to figure out when to budget the extra hours I would need to run around to brick and mortar stores for my supplies. I’m a complete slave to convenience.

I know that this isn’t enough, but the place I want to start is by not being a jerk to the service industry folks I interact with and to treat them like real human beings. Of course, I imagine every other middle-class consumer has similar good intentions when we’re not in the heat of the moment. What does it even mean to treat someone like a real human being? Is that even possible in a chain restaurant like IHOP?

Previous Post

November 22, 2014

Transphobia's newest target: Winnie the Pooh

Next Post

December 5, 2014 How Jesus saves through Michael Brown and Eric Garner

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Advent Beauty Will Save the World Bible Big Picture: Ephesians Bloggers Book Christian salvation and the Beautitudes Culture Daily Office Danceable Homiletics Deadly Sins Deep Roots: Genesis Devotions Dominican Republic May 2011 El Principio Misericordia (The Mercy Principle) Five verses God tattooed on my heart Fundraising FutureGospel Good Biblical Words Henri Nouwen Interview Jennings' Christian Imagination Jesus inside the beltway Jesus Is My Candidate Jesus vs the Pharisees Jesus vs. Plato Journey to Eternity Looking Back on 2012 Love Actually Monday Merton Monday Merton Music Occupy the manger On Earth As It Is In Heaven Original Sin Podcast Poetry Politics Prayer Psalm 119 Radical Jesus 101 Reviews Sermon on the Mount Sermons Spanish Bible study Special Series Spiritual but not religious Synchroblog Theology Things that made me think Thomas a Kempis Ugliness Into Beauty Uncategorized Viaje Dominicano 2013 Walking in the Valley (Lent) Welcome: It's More than a Mat Wild Goose 2013 Wrestling

Select a Month March 2022 January 2022 December 2021 September 2021 April 2021 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Where was Jesus' first miracle performed?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Capernaum Nazareth Jerusalem Cana