Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Mercy Not Sacrifice

Home
About
My Book
Archives
More
- Theology
- Culture
- Politics
- Sermons
- Bible
- Devotions
- Daily Office
- Podcast

Home
Progressive Christian
“Biblical” men don’t date? (A face-palmer from the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood)

“Biblical” men don’t date? (A face-palmer from the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood)

Last updated on: July 17, 2014 at 2:02 pm by Morgan Guyton

“Biblical” men don’t date? (A face-palmer from the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood) 2014-07-17T14:02:02-05:00 Morgan Guyton

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Normally I don’t see much of a point in engaging fundamentalist Christian entities like the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood because I suspect they aren’t particularly relevant to my readership. But a recent post by JD Gunter from CBMW really struck a nerve with me because it so plainly contradicts my experience of dating as a young adult in a way that ironically encourages irresponsible, sinful behavior under the guise of taking yourself very seriously. The only thing missing from Gunter’s post describing why “Biblical” single men shouldn’t stay in un-serious dating relationships with women they aren’t planning to marry is any reference to scripture whatsoever.

Gunter decries the way that young adult and teen couples today seem have a preliminary phase in their relationships together that they call “talking” instead of “dating,” when they’re testing the waters out by spending time together and deciding whether or not to get serious:

This new phase of pre-dating called “talking” is like adolescence for relationships: an unnecessary stage in the relationship allowing young men to avoid taking responsibility and acting like men. It prevents the man from having to be clear about his intentions to pursue or end the relationship. If he wants to stop “talking,” he simply walks away, leaving behind a confused, and potentially wounded, young lady.

Notice the somber heroic language of “taking responsibility and acting like men.” When boys behave badly, it is often out of the need to prove that they are fully men. But according to Gunter, the following is the way to take responsibility and act like a man in how you date women:

First, you should ask girls out that you see as potential wives. Second, when you don’t see her as a potential wife any longer, explain yourself and then stop asking her out. Third, throughout the relationship be clear, upfront, and honest about your intentions.

I’m definitely in agreement about clear communication. But the reason I feel that his first two points are so egregiously wrong and dangerous is because most of the romantic disasters I got into before I met my wife were precisely because I presumed that every girl I dated was supposed to be my future wife. I guess I missed the memo on college “hookup culture,” partly because I was an uber-serious evangelical kid. Whenever I had premarital sex as a young adult, I justified it to myself on the basis of my serious intentions with whatever girl I was in the process of preparing to marry at the time, even if I had two or three potential future wives in the course of a single semester.

That’s why I think it’s a very bad idea to encourage teenagers and young adults who are dating to take themselves too seriously. I was serious with all the sincerity that a somewhat socially delayed evangelical college kid could muster. At every moment of my life, I had to have a potential future wife to pursue. My relationships with women were entirely utilitarianistic and oriented to this purpose. I couldn’t just hang out with women and get to know them. I didn’t know how to joke around or laugh at myself. My entire self-worth was determined by the status of my latest potential future wife project. It was so unhealthy.

I recognize that there are guys out there who play around and get lots of play from the women they play around with. In college and young adulthood, whenever I had to be the platonic BFF of the girls who got hurt by that, man, did I want to beat those guys up! But you can be young and not take yourself too seriously without being a player who behaves abusively towards women and breaks their hearts. That is, if you haven’t been indoctrinated with the ideology that women are an inferior species of human to either be protected or exploited sexually.

There are a lot of broken marriages that have recently emerged in the evangelical subculture as a result of people thinking they were supposed to marry the first person they ever kissed. So guys, please wait until after at least a few dates before you start thinking about the girl you’re “talking to” as a potential future wife. It will save you and her a lot of grief.

Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood

Previous Post

September 4, 2013

Is authentic culture possible in an age of mirrors?

Next Post

September 6, 2013 Will you pray with Francis for peace?

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Advent Beauty Will Save the World Bible Big Picture: Ephesians Bloggers Book Christian salvation and the Beautitudes Culture Daily Office Danceable Homiletics Deadly Sins Deep Roots: Genesis Devotions Dominican Republic May 2011 El Principio Misericordia (The Mercy Principle) Five verses God tattooed on my heart Fundraising FutureGospel Good Biblical Words Henri Nouwen Interview Jennings' Christian Imagination Jesus inside the beltway Jesus Is My Candidate Jesus vs the Pharisees Jesus vs. Plato Journey to Eternity Looking Back on 2012 Love Actually Monday Merton Monday Merton Music Occupy the manger On Earth As It Is In Heaven Original Sin Podcast Poetry Politics Prayer Psalm 119 Radical Jesus 101 Reviews Sermon on the Mount Sermons Spanish Bible study Special Series Spiritual but not religious Synchroblog Theology Things that made me think Thomas a Kempis Ugliness Into Beauty Uncategorized Viaje Dominicano 2013 Walking in the Valley (Lent) Welcome: It's More than a Mat Wild Goose 2013 Wrestling

Select a Month March 2022 January 2022 December 2021 September 2021 April 2021 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What year was the Council of Nicea?

Select your answer to see how you score.

1517 AD 325 AD 1054 AD 500 AD