My first wedding sermon

Last updated on: July 17, 2014 at 2:05 pm by Morgan Guyton

My first wedding sermon 2014-07-17T14:05:12-05:00 Morgan Guyton

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Today I officiated my first wedding for Kevin Colpitts and Mary Vafiadis, a couple who was visiting our church when my wife Cheryl and I preached a sermon on our egalitarian understanding of marriage and decided they wanted me to marry them. Kevin and Mary are very grounded, beautiful people who are exploring Christian spirituality. As part of their counseling process, we practiced praying together, which is the most important part of my marriage even though we don’t do it with as much discipline as we should. So here is my sermon with which I used the same text I use every year for our confirmation retreat: Ephesians 4:14-16.

Ephesians 4:14-16: “We must no longer be children, tossed to and fro and blown about by every wind of doctrine, by people’s trickery, by their craftiness in deceitful scheming. But speaking the truth in love, we must grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by every ligament with which it is equipped, as each part is working properly, promotes the body’s growth in building itself up in love.”

Kevin and Mary, I picked this scripture for your wedding as both an affirmation and a challenge. The more I get to know both of you, the more amazed I am at how grounded and responsible both of you are. You are so much more mature than I was at your age. You have goals for your life and plans for achieving them. You both work very hard and try to use your money frugally.

You communicate very openly and are genuinely more interested in understanding and affirming the other than in being the one who is always right. You try to bring dignity and a constructive perspective to your conversations without suppressing any conflict. You have an unusual lack of pettiness and emotional neediness in your interactions with each other. You are both very real, solid people who are the opposite of many people in their early twenties who are tossed to and fro and blown every which way, like Ephesians 4:14 says.

We did learn that according to Myers-Briggs, you are almost exact opposite personalities with the exception of one letter, but of course that just means you are the perfect complements for each other. We have talked about the importance of proactively seeking out each other’s needs and speaking up when there’s a problem instead of just letting it go until all the little things build up.

I have no doubt that you guys will do that very well. I have known a lot of couples who have reasonably healthy marriages whose relationship chemistry is not nearly as solid as yours is. So I can say with complete sincerity that I am absolutely confident that the first wedding I have ever officiated will be the last one where either of you will get to stand where you are right now.

Here’s my question: who’s got your back? When you decided you wanted me to marry you, it was after my wife and I preached a sermon in church that spoke to you deeply. My wife and I have a beautiful marriage, but we would not still be married if we had to take on the world alone, just the two of us. We have had a lot of people holding us up every step of the way, people who are constantly praying for us, people each of us can call when we’re mad at each other, people who aren’t afraid to call us out when we’re out of line. And most of all, we have a God to whom we have both decided to submit our lives entirely, which forces us to be honest with ourselves and each other.

This scripture from Ephesians is about growing into one body that is “building itself up in love.” Marriage is about becoming one flesh, but it’s not the two of you alone on a lifeboat in an ocean of humanity. Certainly you should make sure that you spend many hours alone together. That will be so important especially when kids enter into the equation. But for your marriage to have the support that it needs, you need to not only become one flesh with each other but one body with a whole community of people who will love and grow together with both of you.

The people in this room are an important part of the community of support you need. You have called them forth as witnesses to your marriage, which means that they have a responsibility to you. It is very normal and healthy to have friends and family members that you can call to voice your frustrations about your relationship. You obviously need to be discrete about this, but you absolutely should not try to keep it a secret when you’re having struggles.

Despite the way our society seems to be confused about this, your marriage is not a private matter. Whether or not you two make it matters to our community, just like having a big toe that isn’t broken matters to my foot. If your marriage is strong and beautiful, then God will use that to make the marriages around you strong and beautiful. If your relationship deteriorates, then it will impact every other relationship you have and the relationships those other people have as a ripple effect. So just as our community has a responsibility to support you in real, tangible ways when you’re struggling, you have a responsibility to our community to show us what love looks like, so that those of us who have forgotten will be reacquainted. And you’re already doing this very beautifully. You have certainly been an inspiration to me.

Now this last challenge will reflect my bias as a Christian pastor. But I wouldn’t share it if I didn’t believe it with all of my heart based on what has happened in my life. Several years ago, I was a youth pastor for some inner-city kids who really needed a mentor in their lives. I ended up spending so much time with these kids that I severely neglected my wife and my children. We had a really bad fight, and we almost didn’t make it. We both said very hurtful, vicious things to each other.

But the reason we made it was because we could put our anger and pain on Jesus’ cross and ask each other’s forgiveness. We could “speak the truth in love.” That one phrase from the Ephesians scripture captures the essence of a marriage that works. Whether there are other means out there in the world religious or otherwise to create a healthy foundation for marriage is not for me to say. What I can say is that the reason you saw my wife and me in church washing each other’s feet and preaching about how richly God has blessed us with each other is because our marriage is built on the cross of Jesus Christ. I believe very strongly that the best way to grow together into one flesh is to grow “into Christ” as Ephesians says.

If I have a selfish ulterior motive for saying any of this, it’s because the body of Christ desperately needs both of you. You are both so strong and beautiful. God is going to use your marriage to inspire many people. I want to have the privilege of being one of the people who is blessed by your love in years to come. I don’t want this to be the last time that I see you. I have no doubt that the One who has begun a good work in you will bring it to completion in the time that He ordains. Keep being strong and beautiful. I love both of you very much.

Previous Post

July 6, 2013

Pinochet was the midwife of Chilean democracy?

Next Post

July 7, 2013 Eternal life is living in God's welcome

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Advent Beauty Will Save the World Bible Big Picture: Ephesians Bloggers Book Christian salvation and the Beautitudes Culture Daily Office Danceable Homiletics Deadly Sins Deep Roots: Genesis Devotions Dominican Republic May 2011 El Principio Misericordia (The Mercy Principle) Five verses God tattooed on my heart Fundraising FutureGospel Good Biblical Words Henri Nouwen Interview Jennings' Christian Imagination Jesus inside the beltway Jesus Is My Candidate Jesus vs the Pharisees Jesus vs. Plato Journey to Eternity Looking Back on 2012 Love Actually Monday Merton Monday Merton Music Occupy the manger On Earth As It Is In Heaven Original Sin Podcast Poetry Politics Prayer Psalm 119 Radical Jesus 101 Reviews Sermon on the Mount Sermons Spanish Bible study Special Series Spiritual but not religious Synchroblog Theology Things that made me think Thomas a Kempis Ugliness Into Beauty Uncategorized Viaje Dominicano 2013 Walking in the Valley (Lent) Welcome: It's More than a Mat Wild Goose 2013 Wrestling

Select a Month March 2022 January 2022 December 2021 September 2021 April 2021 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Who said: "Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you"?

Select your answer to see how you score.

James John Paul Peter