True to Our Word // A Southern Baptist Pastor’s Wife Response

Last updated on: June 16, 2023 at 4:24 pm by Tosha Lamdin Williams

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True to Our Word // A Southern Baptist Pastor’s Wife Response 2023-06-16T16:24:25-06:00 Tosha Lamdin Williams

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“Don’t ever think you’re going to use those gifts of a pastor in the Southern Baptist Convention.”

Our interviewer looked me square in the eyes as he read me the results of my spiritual gifts test. My husband Kelly and I were 25 years old, meeting in Atlanta with the SBC Home Mission Board. Earlier that year in 1996, as we graduated from Dallas Theological Seminary, we said “yes” to God’s call to church planting. South Park Baptist Church in Grand Prairie, Texas, where my husband served as interim pastor, sent us to that year’s SBC convention in New Orleans. There, after Dr. Bob Reccord’s plenary message, God very clearly called Kelly and I to plant, not just a church, but a Southern Baptist church. Through that decision, He ultimately led us to Colorado. Here, the Colorado SBC leaders welcomed us with open arms, and, glad to have us serve with them, found us the miraculous opportunity to apply for the church planter apprentice program.

Giving God Our Word in Church Planting

To be clear, when God called Kelly and I to church plant, we gave Him our uninhibited “yes.” We were going to do what He told us to do regardless of how the provision came, who believed in us, or what opposition we faced. Still, the opportunity for some monthly support from the SBC was almost too good to be true. We decided to walk through the doors and apply.

The rigorous process included personality tests, background checks, recommendation letters, interview calls and spiritual gifts tests. The vetting process was important, and Kelly and I walked through each step submissively, prayerfully, hopefully. At the end of the process, we were flown to SBC headquarters in Atlanta to meet with their staff for our final interviews and assessments.

We were excited and nervous, but nothing prepared us for the way it all unfolded. On September 13, 1996, I returned to our hotel room and recorded these words: “Except that we know God called us to be Southern Baptist, we would not be so after tonight…” We felt judged, misinterpreted and belittled. “All so that we may be appointed SBC home missionaries,” I journaled.

The denouement moment came when the interviewer read us our spiritual gifts test results. He started with Kelly, and then he read mine.

Allowed to Use Your God-given Spiritual Gifts – – – Unless You’re a Woman

Now, mind you, my understanding of spiritual gifts is that they are from God. He chooses who gets which gifts; He decides how they are appointed. Spiritual gifts are not of human source; spiritual gifts are of God. 1 Corinthians 12:11 clarifies, “It is the one and only Spirit who distributes all these gifts. He alone decides which gift each person should have.”

Apparently, our interviewer had not recently read or studied that passage of Scripture. After reading my spiritual gifts test results, he felt empowered to tell me that my gifts were nullified because I am a woman. “Your spiritual gifts are those of a pastor,” he said, “and don’t ever think you’re going to use those gifts of a pastor in the Southern Baptist Convention.”

He didn’t open other doors or offer suggestions for how I could use my God-given spiritual gifts in different ways. He simply, firmly and arrogantly told me what I would never do. God’s gifts versus man’s rules – – – one was placed above the other, and not in a biblical order.

That man knocked the wind out of me. The battle to say yes to God’s call to be a church planter was the biggest act of submission in my entire young life. It was a surrender, a sacrifice, a promise to God that Kelly and I made for one reason: the love of Christ. We were young, but we were courageously entering into this lifelong service of starting and leading a church. We needed every resource, every fiber of strength, every ounce of resolve, every bit of partnership, every piece of our seminary training, every word of encouragement – – – AND every spiritual gift God has given the two of us. But there, in that meeting room, one of us had point-blank been invalidated and had our hands tied behind our back.

Kelly and I returned to our hotel room, both stunned by the blow. That night, I journaled: “After the way they disrespected us, neither of us are too sure we want to be a part of the Southern Baptist Convention. Except for one thing: we know God wants us to be a part of the denomination.” And we had given Him our “yes.”

The next day we were on a plane back to Colorado, back to a state out west where the Southern Baptist leadership believed in us as a couple. They unbound our hands and allowed us to begin the overwhelming work of church planting. They breathed life back into us, and, eventually they passed on the good news that we have been accepted into the church planter apprentice program.

Still Keeping Our Word to the Lord

Almost 27 years later, my husband is still the senior pastor of Vanguard Church. Our church has seen 3,350 public professions of faith through baptisms. A couple weeks ago, I was personally privileged to perform baptism number 3,350, that of a little boy named Kael, an honor which I do not take lightly.

Through these years, my pastor husband has read through the Bible almost 100 times, exegeted nearly every book of the Bible and studied all the Scriptures pertaining to women in ministry. He published this article defining how our church views women in ministry. With that biblical perspective, Kelly has given me the authority and opportunity to serve beside him, and he has raised up other women pastors and leaders. God gave us five children, four of whom are daughters, all of whom we have raised to live expectant of these words repeated in Scripture, “‘In the last days,’ God says, ‘I will pour out my Spirit upon all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy…” (Acts 2:17). You can’t prophesy without opening your mouth and speaking. We are proud of our son and daughters and others who live this out in their lives.

As for me, I have spent the past 27 years of my life at Vanguard, faithfully using the spiritual gifts God gave me. I started the non-profit discipleship ministry Family Disciple Me, and I’ve been privileged to teach and work with literally thousands of people throughout my years in ministry. Earlier this year, a young man who grew up in our church and is now a pastor on staff here, asked why some people are starting to call me “Pastor Tosha.” To be clear, I have not sought nor do I have the official title of “pastor.” Still, unexpectedly, along the way, this honor of being affectionately called “Pastor Tosha” has been bestowed upon me by some who have seen my leadership and God’s spiritual gifts working through me. Alongside my pastor husband, the Hispanic church meeting within Vanguard and our African-American worship pastor have been amongst the first to call me “Pastor Tosha.” It seems to me that some races and nationalities are more ready than others to acknowledge a woman’s God-given spiritual gifts, calling and anointing – – – at least, that has been my experience.

I am grateful that my husband affirms that I am not just a Mrs., as important as that privilege and honor is in my life. My pastor husband also affirms my God-given spiritual gifts – which happen to align with those of a pastor – not overtaking his role, not subverting the elders’ authority, not striving to rule over men. My job, my calling, my anointing by God, my church and my husband has been to submissively, and yet simultaneously, courageously, boldly, vocally and clearly lead all those God has entrusted to my care.

The SBC Upholding Its Word and Me Keeping Mine

Turns out, as of this week, the Southern Baptist Convention is true to its word given me years ago, voting in large measure to make this sweeping statement to every woman who has been gifted by God with pastoral gifts, communicating, “You will never use those gifts of a pastor in the Southern Baptist convention.”

Thing is, I will also be true to my word. Back in 1996, I made a promise with my husband to God that we were going to serve Him for a lifetime, leading a church, using every gift and resource He gave us for His glory and the good of those He would entrust to us. It’s not about titles; it’s about faithful, enduring commitment to the sovereign God who made us.

I know not what the future holds regarding the SBC and Vanguard Church – or any other Southern Baptist church with women who serve in pastoral roles and have pastoral gifts for that matter. But I do know this. I have not been called by men. I am a woman who has been called by God and said “yes” to Him, and I will keep my word as long as He gives me breath.

Until Jesus returns or takes me home, may He receive all glory in and through my life and the gifts He’s given me.

May such be so your life as well as you live every moment for Jesus, too.

Be encouraged! ❤️

Tosha

women in ministry

women pastors

Southern Baptist Convention

women in ministry

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