Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

For Puck's Sake

Home
Pagan
A Rebuttal to Doreen Virtue’s Attack On Unicorns

A Rebuttal to Doreen Virtue’s Attack On Unicorns

Last updated on: August 2, 2019 at 4:41 pm by Mat Auryn

A Rebuttal to Doreen Virtue’s Attack On Unicorns 2019-08-02T16:41:03+00:00 Mat Auryn

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Image Credit: Jozef Klopacka | Standard License

In the past, I wrote a piece about how Doreen Virtue’s conversion to Christianity and denouncing of her New Age teachings was something we should try to respect because it’s her path and not ours. Despite not ever being interested in her work, I didn’t want her denouncement and conversion to discourage folks who were following her to give up the tools and practices that they had learned from her if they helped them on their spiritual path. Well, things have changed a bit.

On Doreen Virtue’s website, she has a page called “An A-Z List of New Age Practices to Avoid, and Why” where she pretty much calls everything demonic and satanic from Mindfulness to Harry Potter to Peace Signs. Please note that the site will take a long time to load, perhaps she should have added Slow Web Hosting Servers to her list. Despite her massive disrespect to other cultures on the page and her bizarre referencing to herself in plural (DOREEN IS LEGION, FOR SHE IS MANY!), there’s one thing that I found more hilarious than anything else on the list.

Screen capture from Doreen Virtue’s Website

Doreen Virtue states that “Neon-colored unicorn images can be used by the devil to mesmerize us into his kingdom, where glitter substitutes for the bright light of Jesus. Remember that the devil always copies God, using poor quality substitutes.”

That is just unfair and cruel. Who hates unicorns? According to folklore and fairytales… it’s monsters. That’s who. Unicorns are perhaps the best thing ever. Let me remind you of a few of the countless reasons why Unicorns are awesome:

Unicorns don’t judge you. They’re full of unconditional love and just want you to be happy, even if you’re making lists about how everyone’s spiritual practices are Satanic.
Despite being on the endangered species list for centuries, they still keep their poise and remain majestic AF, even when New Age teachers exploit them to make tons of money by putting their image on oracle cards and then denouncing them entirely when a larger and a more lucrative religious audience becomes a possibility for them.
They literally poop rainbow sherbert. Do you? Probably not.
Instead of using their horn to make human shish kebabs, they use their horn mostly to heal others.
Sometimes they DO use their horn to make human shish kebabs. That’s pretty neat.
They smell like sunshine and friendship and they know the way to both candy land and the imagination station.
They can manipulate the power of rainbows like a pro and will often exert this power to rescue those in need.
All they desire is for everyone to find true happiness and true love. They help every boy and girl to learn the power of dreaming and believing in themselves.
Oberon Zell-Ravenheart can make them out of goats.
But most of all, they can be used by the devil to mesmerize us into his kingdom, where glitter substitutes for the light of Jesus…

Here is the Unicorn Masterplan.

Keep it top secret, fam.

��✨✨��✝

— �� (@MatAuryn) February 1, 2019

Connect With Me:

Click Below To Purchase My Book:

Previous Post

January 22, 2019

The Mysterious Goblins of Appalachia

Next Post

January 27, 2019 The Best Books On Rider-Waite-Smith Based Tarot Decks

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Book Reviews Deck Reviews Interviews Musings Uncategorized

Select a Month December 2021 November 2021 October 2021 August 2021 March 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, while six-winged beings called out 'Holy, holy, holy.' What were these creatures?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Leviathan Angels Cherubim Seraphim