A Team Spirit

Last updated on: November 13, 2018 at 7:00 am by Jimmy Evans

A Team Spirit 2018-10-01T10:02:03-06:00 Jimmy Evans

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

When Karen and I first married, we learned quickly that money was going to be our greatest source of tension. We fought and fought about finances because we both view money differently.

To me, money is a source of fun and enjoyment. I love spending money and using it to bless other people. A paycheck meant having a good time.

But for Karen, money meant security. While very generous, she is also sensible and pragmatic. Saving for a rainy day is critical to her sense of safety.

Our completely different approaches to money caused tremendous friction between us. Every couple has subjects like these that always cause conflict, from money to parenting styles to in-laws or career decisions.

Every relationship will have these kinds of disagreements, and sometimes—with certain subjects—they become toxic. That’s why teamwork in a relationship is so important. When an issue arises that causes conflict, a husband and wife must find a way to resolve it.

You often hear people tell each other they’ll have to “agree to disagree.” That sounds like a good solution, but it doesn’t work in marriage. Because what it’s really saying is “Let’s just ignore this problem.” Overlooking areas of conflict is like ignoring a serious wound. It can fester, get worse, and possibly prove fatal.

A better approach is to find a workable solution. Sometimes this involves compromise. At other times, it means one party deferring their will to the other.

For our money issue, this meant hashing out a budget we both could live with—one that allowed me freedom to have fun while putting away enough each month to make Karen feel secure. This win-win solution became a nonnegotiable part of our marriage. It put an end to our conflict.

Another source of tension in the early days of our marriage involved my driving habits. I drove fast and aggressively. This caused Karen terrible anxiety—she was pretty sure my driving would kill us both—and every time I got behind the wheel we’d start to argue.

In this example, there was no compromise to be found. I simply had to defer my will to hers. I had to slow down and curb my adrenaline and testosterone. It was the only workable solution, so I made the necessary sacrifice.

On several occasions, I’ve heard Dr. Phil say, “You can either be right or you can be happy.” In this case, I decided I’d rather be happy.

Karen and I are a team, and sometimes one player has to “take one for the team” in order to win. Some issues in a marriage just can’t be solved with compromise. When a husband wants to live in Seattle and the wife wants to live in Dallas, you can’t do both. One spouse must yield to the other.

In those cases, once the decision has been made, the matter needs to be dropped for good. Otherwise it can grow into a constant source of unresolved conflict.

Are you and your spouse working as a team? A team spirit is crucial to success in marriage, and it takes healthy communication for a team to work effectively.

Lifelong Love Affair

Previous Post

November 12, 2018

Sexual Fulfillment in Marriage: Emotional Differences in Men & Women

Next Post

November 14, 2018 Three Types of Destructive Communication (Part 1)

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category 7 Secrets of Successful Families Dave and Ashley Willis Every Great Marriage I Changed My Mind Lifelong Love Affair Love and Communication Marriage on the Rock Our Secret Paradise The Intimate Marriage The Keys to Sexual Fulfillment in Marriage Uncategorized When Life Hurts

Select a Month August 2022 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Which river did Naaman wash in to be healed of leprosy?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Euphrates River Arnon River Nile River Jordan River