Pens Envy

Last updated on: December 30, 2014 at 2:42 pm by Mark Shea

Pens Envy 2014-12-30T14:42:18-07:00 Mark Shea

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So it turns out that BIC pens, in a spasm of over-the-top niche marketing, now offers a line of ballpoint pens “For Her”. You know, modern pens for a modern woman in today’s world. Totally different from those phallocentric ballpoint pens that only men could use. The review page for this product over at Amazon.uk is one of the funniest things I’ve read in ages. Here’s a taste:

650 of 650 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars My life has been changed!,20 Aug 2012

By

M Holloway (UK) – See all my reviews (REAL NAME)

This review is from: BIC For Her Amber Medium Ballpoint Pen (Box of 12) – Black (Office Product)

I never did very well at school. I wanted to learn and it felt like all the words I needed were right there in my head, but I just couldn’t get them onto the paper in front of me. If I really pushed myself, I could sometimes manage to draw pretty flowers in the margins but this didn’t please Sir and I was soon in all the bottom sets. What really confused me is that I had no problems in cookery or textiles. At the time I didn’t understand why I could grip and use a wooden spoon or sewing needle but couldn’t properly hold my black-coloured pen for more than 45 seconds without dropping it on the floor and weeping.Things were a bit better when I left school to go and work sweeping up hair at the local salon – yet again, the broom seemed to just fit into my grip as if it was meant to be there – and I saved up to buy a pink laptop. I still had trouble writing for a long time because, although the case was pink, the keys weren’t designed for female eyes which, as we all know, struggle to discern between shades of black and grey. I could write for about 4 minutes at a time, though, and that’s how I found out about these wonderful pens for girls like me.As soon as they arrived, I was soothed by the pink packaging – I’d been feeling stressed after driving back from work because my hands just won’t stay on the black, leather-effect steering wheel in my cute mini. Anyway, I quickly found a piece of notepaper with pictures of kittens round the edges and had a go at writing my name. It was amazing! The pen just stayed in place between my fingers, just like it always had for the boys in my class at school. Well, in no time I’d filled a whole notepad and had to go and get another one!Now I’ve gone back to night school and hope to realise my ambition of enrolling on a childcare course next year. I’m also halfway through writing an erotic novel set in Victorian times – but with vampires!My only criticism of these wonderful pens is that I get a bit bored with all 12 looking the same. I get around this my customising each pack. At the moment, the pen I have in use is covered in stripes of glitter and I glued a pink pompom and one of those diamanté charms you get on mobile phones (I couldn’t fit any more on my phone) onto the top. I think BIC should start adding pens like this to their range because some women find it difficult to hold tubes of superglue properly – I asked the 6 year old boy who lives next door to help me.

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152 of 152 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Saved My Marriage,27 Aug 2012

By

Drake Tungsten – See all my reviews

This review is from: BIC For Her Amber Medium Ballpoint Pen (Box of 12) – Black (Office Product)

I allowed my wife to write the grocery list with one of my pens. Shortly thereafter she went out and bought a bunch of flannel shirts, cut the sleeves off and grew a mullet. While she was writing her feminist manifesto, I secretly switched out the man pen with a BiC For Her. She’s now back to baking apple pies, vacuuming in heels, and popping bennies in order to keep her girlish figure… like a proper American gal.
Thank you BiC!

There’s 134 more reviews. If you are a girl and can’t understand the complicated and subtle humor, ask your man to explain it to you.

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