Vote for me!!!! My opponents are a threat to national security!!!

Last updated on: December 30, 2014 at 7:08 pm by Mark Shea

Vote for me!!!! My opponents are a threat to national security!!! 2014-12-30T19:08:19-07:00 Mark Shea

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Scott P. Richert writes:

Dear Mark:

Congratulations! Catholic and Enjoying It! has been selected by the readers of the About.com Catholicism GuideSite (http://Catholicism.About.com) as one of the five finalists for Best Catholic Blog in the 2012 About.com Catholicism Readers’ Choice Awards!

Starting at 12:00 A.M. EST on Wednesday, February 22, 2012, and running until 11:59 P.M. EST on March 21, 2012, Catholics from around the world will cast their votes for Best Catholic Blog (and in nine more categories). Finalists who break the embargo and announce their status before 12:00 A.M. EST on
Wednesday, February 22, 2012, will be disqualified. Finalists who offer
any goods or services in exchange for votes will be disqualified.

The Catholicism Readers’ Choice Awards are part of the broader About.com Readers’ Choice Awards program; because of that, I have to follow the program’s schedule
and make the voting pages live on February 22. However, because February 22 is Ash Wednesday, I am asking all finalists in all categories to hold off on promoting the awards until 12:00 A.M. EST on Thursday, February 23, 2012. While the competition will be fierce, any finalist who tries to get the jump on his competitors by promoting the awards on Ash Wednesday will only make himself look bad.

Once voting has opened, a link to the voting form will be found on this page: http://catholicism.about.com/od/thechurchintheworld/tp/The-About-Catholicism-Readers-Choice-Awards.htm. Please direct your supporters to that URL.

Voters will be required either to provide a valid e-mail address, or to login using a Facebook or an About.com account. For more information on this requirement, see the Readers’ Choice Awards FAQ at http://awards.about.com/od/webdesign/a/awards_FAQ.htm.
Every voter can cast one vote in every category every day of the voting period.

The winner will be announced on March 30, 2012. Should you win, you will receive a logo similar to the finalist logo that you can use on your webpages and other promotional material. And you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you have been chosen as the Best Catholic Blog by the 75 million monthly unique visitors worldwide who find About.com their most trusted source on the Internet.

You can learn more about the About.com Readers’ Choice Awards
at http://awards.about.com.

I’m looking forward to hearing from you and to announcing the finalists. If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to ask.

Sincerely,

Scott P. Richert

Guide to Catholicism

catholicism.about.com

I’m honored! I plan to win by destroying my opponents under an immense mound of shame and scandal, as well as via a vigorous campaign of flattery directed at Scott and my readers. What I say to Scott I say to all!: Name your price and I will double it. Have I told you lately how handsome, holy, and just plain awesome you all are? Nice tie, you! And what have you done to your hair, you gorgeous thing! And I *love* that font you guys are using! Pay no attention to those other finalists. They’re losers. And besides, they hate you and think you are ugly, as well as hating America and wanting to let her be nuked by Iranians who are tunnelling under your house. But I truly love you and promise you free contraceptives which I will make those losers pay for! Therefore, I think I can safely declare myself the winner. Why even go through the formality of a vote? Everybody knows those other guys are unelectable. Bow to the inevitable.

Minions, toadies, lickspittles, and suckups! I command you to vote for me and deliver an overwhelming barrage of love bombs and subtle threats to Richert’s email box. Male readers: inform Richert that no real man could doubt my worthiness for the award. Female readers: go all Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction on him, simultaneously attempting to seduce him and threatening to freak out in murderous suicidal rage if I lose. Clergy, refuse him absolution if he doesn’t give me the win. Bishops: It’s about time you dusted off that whole “threat of excommunication” thing, don’t you think?

I’m in it to win it!

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