Are You Proud? A Reflective Journey Toward Humility

Last updated on: July 21, 2025 at 10:15 am by Rob Giannamore

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Are You Proud? A Reflective Journey Toward Humility 2025-07-21T10:15:54-04:00 Rob Giannamore

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Introduction

American culture is often viewed as distinct by many around the world. I was recently reading about our nation’s emphasis on honoring its veterans and the significant cultural value placed on military service. Although warrior cultures have existed throughout history, the United States is recognized for the particular prominence it gives this tradition. While I did not serve in combat, I take pride in my time in service and would willingly wear the uniform again; however, for me, the concept of pride is less significant than those of honor and heritage. My family’s legacy includes my father, uncles, maternal grandfather and uncle, great-grandfather, and numerous other maternal relatives who have served in the military over the past two centuries.

The other distinct thing that Americans get obsessed about is how religious they are. There is a certain pride that comes with knowing all the scripture passages or being a sword drill champion. There is much chest beating about the superiority of one’s form of Christianity over another. All of this leads to the disunity of Christ’s kingdom.

The question then, are you proud? In this post where I reflect on the notion of pride and humility, I want to respond to this question, no, I am not proud of anything. I humbly though honor how God’s providence has given me the opportunity to be born in America, to have the opportunities for the education I have and to have the knowledge I have to help the people I help and words I speak when I preach or write.

Understanding Pride in Wesley’s Thought

In a sermon by John Wesley entitled “A Plain Account of Christian Perfection” John Wesley says that it is pride “not only to ascribe anything we have to ourselves, but to think we have really have not.” Putting oneself before God and others often leads to other sinful acts such as lust, gluttony, lying and covetousness. Sometimes called the “sin of sins,” pride is thought to have contributed to the fall of humankind, our turning away from God. On the contrary, God does not demand of us complete selflessness and self-loathing but of a deep and intimate relationship with God and others. Only then will our relationship with God be right. We can only achieve this though when we allow God to be present in our prayers and actions each day. Only through God’s grace can we truly love self, God, and neighbors.

From the Wesleyan perspective, Christian perfection refers to the “process of achieving spiritual maturity and union with God, characterized by love and personal holiness. In contrast, pride is often seen as a barrier to this perfection, as it can lead to self-righteousness and a lack of humility, which are contrary to the teachings of Jesus.”

For John Wesley, perfection represented an aspirational goal rather than an endpoint; he consistently pursued it throughout his life. Unlike the common misconception—or, in clinical terms, the pathological manifestation—of perfectionism, Wesley’s concept of Christian perfection was not rooted in flawless knowledge. He acknowledged that Christians would continue to experience ignorance and make mistakes. This perfection did not imply freedom from human infirmities; individuals would retain weaknesses in understanding, imagination, and minor imperfections in speech or behavior. Furthermore, perfectionism did not equate to immunity from temptation, as Christians would still confront temptations just as Christ did. Wesley also clarified that perfection is not “absolute perfection” or a final stage that precludes further spiritual growth. Nor does it exempt one from religious obligations; those who are perfected are still called to engage in spiritual disciplines and perform good works.

According to Wesley, Christian perfection was described as “perfect love.” This concept involved loving God fully with one’s heart, soul, mind, and strength, such that God is central in a person’s life. It also included loving one’s neighbor as oneself, where this love influences all attitudes, words, and actions. A person considered perfected would not intentionally violate known religious laws, although they might make errors due to ignorance or human limitations; such mistakes are not categorized as intentional wrongdoing if actions are motivated by love. Purity of intention was emphasized, with every thought, word, and deed directed toward honoring God. Additionally, there was an emphasis on maintaining a consistent orientation toward holiness, understood as a continual renewal of character in alignment with religious ideals.

Pride – a Barrier to Christian Perfection

In my lectio around this topic, I was drawn to two passages:

Proverbs 16:18: “Pride Goes Before Destruction” (abridged to the most common understanding of this verse)

James 4:6: “God Opposes the Proud but Shows Favor to the Humble”

As I consider these verses, the notion of humility jumps out to me. I recently wrote on this, I offered these thoughts:

humility, as the counterbalance to pride, enables a man to act with purpose, finding fulfillment not in exerting dominance but in fostering mutual respect and love. This balance between humility and shared responsibility echoes throughout both personal relationships and broader societal roles, reminding us that the measure of greatness lies in how one uplifts and protects those entrusted to their care.

In this post, I was directing my thoughts to men as fathers and mentors, but my words also echo Wesley’s thoughts. Wesley saw pride as destructive force. In our society today, pride has divided us. It is pride that creates some influences whose purpose is to lift themselves up and, in some cases, push a dominant narrative that others people. Humility then is not the absence of arrogance but an active orientation of the heart – one that seeks to listen, to serve and to grow in relationship with God and others. Pride erodes the foundation of this unity and creates a selfishness that reminds me of Gollum’s behaviors in The Lord of the Rings trilogy. At times, he appears to be willing to help, but underneath all his benevolence lies his plans for betrayal and self-fulfillment, only to be destroyed by these motivations. Our movement from self-assertion to self-giving, from solitary achievement to collective flourishing, marks the ongoing spiritual journey Wesley urged us to undertake.

Conclusion: Embracing a Journey, Not a Destination

In the therapy space, when I am working with a client who is stuck in the cycle of perfectionism, the first step is to understand where it comes from. The second step is learning how to practice self-love and directing grace towards oneself. Much of the narrative around Christianity today is very toxic and does not reflect the humble attitudes of the historical Jesus and the religion of Jesus. There are no forced achievements in the Christian tradition. Faith is a process of becoming. Humility is an ongoing pursuit, also a process of becoming. We must continue to reflect and grow at a pace that honors our spiritual maturity.

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