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Learning from the Women in My Life

Learning from the Women in My Life

Last updated on: December 22, 2024 at 3:03 pm by Rob Giannamore

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Learning from the Women in My Life 2024-12-22T15:03:03-05:00 Rob Giannamore

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In 2002, I became a dad for the first time. Adeline Joy was born on December 14. Little did I know at the time that the next twenty-two years I would be surrounded by women. I have heard it all at this point, “girls are so much harder than boys”, “wait till they are teenagers”, “girls are so moody”. In my professional career as a pastor and a therapist, I have raised girls and boys equally. I spent five years in a residential program with boys and girls and truly, there was no difference. My girls have truly been a blessing to me. I have really enjoyed the teenage and young adult years the most. Now, as my youngest is 15 and the rest are moving into their adulthood, I am finding that I am looking at a new era of parenting that I have never considered.

Over the last four weeks, I have been exploring civil discourse in the public space. I have looked at poverty, race and the LGBTQIA+ communities. This week, I want to close my discussion with a peek at a woman’s perspective in bible and theology. I want to demonstrate how we can have an open conversation about how we can treat and talk to women in a manner that is Christ centered perspective.

The Traditional Biblical Perspective is Problematic

I was reading an article on NPR this morning about the tradwife phenomenon, which is trending on platforms like TikTok. The notion of tradwife is a woman who believes in and practices traditional gender roles and marriages. Some may choose to take a homemaking role within their marriage, and others leave their careers to focus on meeting their family’s needs in the home. It is a literal understanding of Proverbs 31, and from a therapeutic standpoint and a person who follows the idea of open theism/open relational theology, is problematic.

I have raised my kids to be fiercely independent, to not let anyone tell them what to do and to think for themselves. We have always had an open space in our home for deep intellectual intimacy and no question was considered off the table for discussion. We also created an environment of democracy where the girls have equal say in the goings on in our family system, where on occasion, mom and I would veto an idea. There have never been traditional gender roles in our house. The girls naturally gravitated towards Barbie dolls and Polly Pockets. Eventually, they grew out of dollies and dresses and each claimed their own style and personality. They have always been allowed to call me out for any number of hypocritical behavior or even punishment that was too harsh. It is felt that this has made them stronger, more independent women who can self regulate and speak to injustice in an informed manner. They are not subservient to anyone. They have watched mom and I work together to create meaning for each other and for our girls. Both of us have worked very hard outside the home mutually to support each other and our family.

Much tradwives content portrays life in a “bubble where stress and worries have been swept away because they have a man to provide financially. All you have to worry about is caring for your children and home—and that should be enough, because that’s what women are born to do anyway, right?” The reality is it presents an unrealistic expectation for both men and women, especially the demographic I have worked with over the last 25 years, mostly poor, mostly rural, mostly uneducated. Most households I have worked with including my own could not be supported on one income. Most traditional relationship dynamics from my side of the chair do not often support long, sustaining relationships.

From a biblical perspectives, we will find that there are plenty of passages talking about the role of women, whether they are putting spears in kings’ heads or having a baby in a manger, all of them must be read from their cultural perspective. As I have mentioned before, the bible was not written or even told with us modern folk in mind.

A Feminist Theology of God

To begin to have a constructive conversation about biblical and theological womanhood, we must turn to the source. We cannot soley read and study our church doctrines though the lenses of dead white men. Liberation and feminist theologies give voice to those we other. We can learn how to dialogue when we begin to hear the story from the other person. This is something that I teach often in my marriage and parenting therapy work.

Feminist theology helps retrieve the neglected voices of women of the past and helps formulate new theological symbols and values for the present and the future. In a time where we want to homogenize both feminine and masculine characteristics, we need to embrace both and understand the uniqueness both to bring depth to our human experience.

According to Faith Adebayo quoting Oyeronke Olademo, there are “three levels of feminism, Feminism as an academic method, Feminism as a value system and a social vision, and Feminism of insider’s discourse”:

Feminism as an academic method- this signifies a definite transition from androcentric to androgynous models of humanity and language for the Supreme Being.
Feminism as a value system and social vision- viewing sexism and patriarchy as immoral and proposing alternative social arrangements that foster equity, Thus agitations for women leadership in the society seeking to make the leadership cadre in society open to both male and female
Feminism of insider’s discourse- this is an attempt to move from the prescriptive to the descriptive, so that women’ lives become the textbook for roles expected of them in the society.

These levels feminism levels as identified by Oyeronke are base on the vary connotations of the concept in different context

In my training as a clinician, we were challenged in every class to think deeply about who we were counseling. I had to write many papers considering my work with women, BIPOC, and LGBTQ+ among others. As a pastor trained in a very liberal seminary, I was introduced to a wide range of feminist and other liberation type theologies. This exposure has made me a better and more attentive listener.

Mary and the Women in Jesus’ Life

Mary was the first prophet of the New Testament, who, decades before either her nephew John or her son Jesus, proclaimed the Kingdom of God. In the opening pages of Luke’s gospel, she announced the entire theological vision and purpose of God’s coming reign — the promise she carried in her own womb:

God has mercy on those who fear the Lord,
from generation to generation.

God has shown strength with his arm
and scattered the proud in their conceit,
casting down the mighty from their thrones
and lifting up the lowly.
God has filled the hungry with good things
and sent the rich away empty.

A lot has been said and preached on about Mary, we are awash in it right now as we get closer to Christmas. When I listen to the story, I hear something different than a helpless child going to have a helpless child who will one day become king. In the telling of Mary’s story, I hear a counter cultural revolutionary whose strength of character influences the counter cultural revolutionary that became her son.

Traditional Jewish genealogies “did not include women (see, for contrast, Jesus’ genealogy in Luke 3:23-38), so the fact that Matthew’s genealogy does defies cultural norms. Even more astounding is the fact that he did not choose the matriarchs—Sarah, Rebekah, etc.—but the outcasts: the widows, the foreigners, and the sexually abused. By highlighting the five women listed above, Matthew reminds us that God loves those whom others despise and that, through the power of Jesus’ sacrifice, all are welcomed into the family of God.”

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