Letting Go: Finding Freedom in Life’s Impermanence

Last updated on: October 7, 2024 at 10:26 am by Rob Giannamore

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Letting Go: Finding Freedom in Life’s Impermanence 2024-10-07T10:26:50-04:00 Rob Giannamore

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We live in a world of illusions. My daily world is filled constantly with people who live an illusory lie about perfection, control and normalcy. It is not just my clients who do this, it is society in general. We have made these phenomena MacGuffins as a goal for our existence.

In 1882, Nietzsche wrote in the book, The Gay Science that “God is dead”. Here, Nietzsche is not exclaiming that atheism is true, as many people misinterpret. Rather “He more means that, because “the belief in the Christian God has become unbelievable”, everything that “was built upon this faith, propped up by it, grown into it”, including “the whole of our European morality,” is destined for “collapse.” Here, Nietzsche points to industrial, scientific and thought revolutions as means to explain away what we used to attribute to God’s doing.

One of the many observations I have made about the modern church and the rise is the nones align with Nietzsche’s point. Not only do we not “need” the church today, for many, the church has lost its resonance and relevance to many. For many churches, they still teach that perfection, control and normalcy or simplify it even further, that there can be order in one’s life if you just pray harder and believe stronger. They have made Jesus and faith a MacGuffin.

We Suffer Because We Cling

Both Stoicism and Buddhism teach us about the dangers of clinging to shoulds. Later, Jesus would tell us not to worry. “When the Buddha formulated his first noble truth—the truth of suffering and stress—he didn’t say “Life is suffering,” or “There is suffering.” He said something much more insightful, subtle, and to the point: “Suffering is the five clinging-aggregates.” The aggregates are physical and mental factors—they’re actually activities—from which we create our sense of self. They consist of physical form, feelings, perceptions, thought fabrications, and consciousness. But as the Buddha also explained, the aggregates aren’t the problem. It’s the clinging”.

Insecurity vs. Fear

We cling because we are afraid. In early childhood development, there is a time where the person first struggles with then master’s the concept of object impermanence. At least this is how it is supposed to go. Modern folks seem have begun to struggle with this concept. The problem here is one’s reliance on a narrative that says that we may have control or normalcy if we do x. X could be pray more, have more money or if refugees stayed out of our country. Here, the narrative is more about emphasizing the scarcity mindset than it is really focusing on God’s providence and the impermanent reality of life.

I am reminded of the Tao here. Instead of seeking certainty, normalcy or even perfection, we ought to turn to the ancient practice of Tao. Instead of seeking certainty, the Tao encourages us to embrace change and see it as an opportunity for growth and transformation. In psychology, we call this growth mindset.

Cultivating an attitude of openness teaches us that life’s challenges, questions, and setbacks are not to be feared or avoided; they are integral parts of our journey. Embracing Tao is about letting go of the illusion of control and certainty and to flow with life’s uncertainties. It teaches us to affirm simplicity and humility. When we accomplish this, we can find a deeper connection to the present moment and a peace in embracing life as it is. As Jesus tells us, “Don’t worry” or Doug Adams challenges us, “don’t panic.”

What the Wild Spaces have Taught Me

I have been caught in thunderstorms a plenty over the years. A few pretty bad snowstorms and even did a mountain marathon race that was in the real feels over 100 degrees. I have masterfully planned many outings and have absolutely biffed a bunch of others. I have written a lot on the art of questing and have drawn upon the quests of Jesus and the native peoples of America and Australia. If you spend any amount of time in wild spaces, you will learn that control, perfection and normal are all illusions. In the outdoor world, we rate our fun, Type I, II and III. Type II fun makes for a good story. Type III fun makes for good learning.

What is Absolutely True

God is love and this love is uncontrolling, this is probably the only biblically literal statement you will ever hear me say. The theologian Thomas J Ord offerers these words from his book, The Uncontrolling Love Of God:

We all want to make sense of life. But tragedies and evils— whether caused by free will, agency or random events—make it difficult to do so. The Boston Marathon bombing, a rock that accidentally killed a woman, a baby’s acute debilitations, Zamuda’s rape and her family’s murder all need satisfying explanations. The answers most people give to God’s role in these evils are unsatisfying. Believers in God want helpful answers to the biggest questions of life.

I have had the fortune or misfortune to have now sat with hundreds of people as a therapist over the last fifteen years hearing some pretty unimaginable stories and tales of woe. I started my formal ministry training the week 9/11 happened. Hurricane Katrina happened around the same time. The echoes of how God could let such absurdity happen were loud in the public square and in the church narthex.

An old term from younger pastor days was “let go and let God.” This takes on a new meaning now, but I think we need to complete the sentence, “let go and let God’s love guide us through the calamities of life. Let God show us like a loving parent that we cannot control everything and, in some way, big or small, everything will be okay.”

Once we get our heads and hearts around the impermanence of life, we can be liberated from the bonds of worry and cannot be controlled by fear mongering.

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