What Trump’s 401k Story Says about How He Views Marriage

Last updated on: December 19, 2019 at 9:42 am by Libby Anne

What Trump’s 401k Story Says about How He Views Marriage 2019-12-19T09:42:00-04:00 Libby Anne

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

At his rallies lately, Trump has been telling a story about a guy whose wife used to think he was a “loser” but is now in love with him and calling him “darling” because his 401(k) is up 72% due to Trump’s economy. He has told this story multiple times now, and I feel sad every time I hear it.

In what world is marriage supposed to be so … transactional?

In Trump’s mind, wives love husbands for their money—and think they’re losers if they don’t have any. The solution to any ailing marriage is for the husband to come up with a bunch of money—at which point his wife will naturally swoon, fall back in love with him, and call him “darling.”

This is just sad. Profoundly, deeply sad.

This view of marriage isn’t actually all that distant. As recently as the 1950s, marriage was profoundly transactional—a man was expected to provide for his family financially, and in exchange, his wife was expected to run the house, raise the children, and serve his wishes and needs. This was the deal many a woman struck when she married. She would be provided for; she would adore and serve her husband.

This is so far from how I view my own marriage that the two relationship templates might almost come from two completely separate cultures. What I want out of marriage, most fundamentally, is a partner I can lean on, and who can lean on me—someone I genuinely like and enjoy spending time with, someone I can trust with my fears, my hopes, my dreams. I’m not here for some craven exchange of adoration for money.

Of course, it’s more complicated than this simplistic narrative would suggest. There were many women who married in the 1950s who did not want (or, ultimately, have) a marriage that was purely transactional. There are also many women today who are in such marriages, even if overall norms have shifted. There are also competing ideas, today, about what marriage should be: we saw this in arguments over same-sex marriage, but we also see it in arguments over marriage and social policy in our state welfare system.

What is most striking too me is that Trump told his story so blithely, and with such assurance that it would make sense to his listeners, that it feels almost self evident that he does not know of any other way to view marriage. He didn’t seem to have any idea that his comments might make some of his listeners merely sad.

It’s not just that I wasn’t cheering along with Trump’s listeners. It’s that my response wasn’t to be worried about what the economy might mean for Democrats’ 2020 prospects, or mad at Trump for sharing a story that was possibly made up. Instead, my response was to be sad—not only that that is how Trump views marriage, but also that he does not appear to know any other way to view marriage.

Trump has had many things I not—money, and power—but I have something precious he has never had.

I have a Patreon! Please support my writing!

Patriarchy

Politics

marriage

Previous Post

December 18, 2019

Recognizing the Native American Genocide Is Not a Threat

Next Post

December 20, 2019 Stepping Heavenward: Four Ways to Peace

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Atheism Evangelicalism/Fundamentalism Family Feminism Homeschool Meta Parenting Patriarchy Politics Purity Quiverfull Social Justice Uncategorized Worthwhile reads

Select a Month February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Which letter encourages believers to "be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger"?

Select your answer to see how you score.

James 2 Peter 1 John Romans