Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Love, Joy, Feminism

Home
Nonreligious
TTUAC: In Which Michael Deals in Dysfunctional Relationships

TTUAC: In Which Michael Deals in Dysfunctional Relationships

Last updated on: April 24, 2018 at 8:17 am by Libby Anne

TTUAC: In Which Michael Deals in Dysfunctional Relationships 2018-04-24T08:17:12-04:00 Libby Anne

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

To Train Up A Child, chapter 21, part 4

Today we continue Michael’s conclusion. We’re almost done!

It is likely one parent is going to read this book and revamp the training and discipline, while the other may be content to continue with the status quo. Mother, if you decide to stop giving the children “chances” while the husband continues to play the threatening game, you will likely develop critical feelings. That will be your pride manifesting itself. Your bitterness at your husband and the division that the children detect will make matters worse. Your husband’s pride will cause him to be even more resistant, lest he be the disciple of his critical wife and some unknown author.

You know what? I am starting to feel like Michael only knows dysfunctional relationships.

Now yes, if one parent changes who they do something major in a household while the other doesn’t, yes, it is likely that there will be tension. You should have seen the disagreement in my own household over whether we needed a dish drainer or whether putting the dishes on a towel to dry was enough! (I’m just saying, it did keep counters clearer when there weren’t any dishes drying—which yes, was rare, but still.

But this whole pride, bitterness, pride thing—that’s not how a healthy relationship functions when one parent decides they want to change how they do thing. For one thing, they communicate. For another thing, I don’t automatically assume that every annoyance is “bitterness” or “pride.” That seems like an overly negative framing. It’s true that there can sometimes be stubbornness—but in a functional relationship, people will recognize that for what it is.

So, what does Michael recommend? Communication? Hahaha NOPE.

Mother, all that you need to do is make your husband envious.

LOVELY. Just, lovely.

I mean seriously what a great solution!

Remember what I said about Michael only knowing dysfunctional relationships?!

So. What might this look like?

First, while your husband is away, be so consistent and thorough that you gain perfect instant obedience from your children. They will learn that no matter how careless Daddy is, Mama is the “law of God Himself.”

Interestingly, as Michael goes on to suggest, this alone is not enough to produce jealousy. Instead, he narrates how to create a situation—intentionally—to produce jealousy.

It’s a set-up.

When you see him failing to gain obedience, at an appropriate time, in his presence, quietly command the children, and they will run to obedience. After several days of this, he will ask, “How do you do it; they don’t obey me that way?” Just humbly smile as you hold up the switch and say, “The rod and reproof give wisdom (Prov. 29:15).” Then demurely turn and walk away. He will become jealous.

That’s it? No actual explanation? Just one coy phrase and walk away? Oh, but make sure to do so demurely. Remember, you goal is not to convince him of the validity of your position through discussion (which involves listening to your partner and hearing him out, as well as explaining your viewpoint), but simply to make him jealous. Real healthy right there.

If you are not critical–and only if you are not critical–will he want to know more of your secret.

There is no middle way for Michael. Women are either nags, or they’re silent. There appears to be no way for a couple to talk through the issue of child discipline without the husband perceiving of the wife as “critical” of him. And he’s so sensitive that that will awaken his “pride” and he will simply refuse to listen.

To be clear, this is not a prescription of what should happen if a couple thoroughly discuss the issue, communicate and share their views, and find that they still disagree. That part was never included.

Remember, this is how Michael began this section:

It is likely one parent is going to read this book and revamp the training and discipline, while the other may be content to continue with the status quo.

Now presumably, to find out that the other partner is content to continue the status quo, the first partner must raise the issue in some way. But talking it through or hearing each other out and truly listening to each other is never mentioned.

Instead, we launch directly into bitterness and pride. And bizarrely, Michael’s solution to bitterness and pride is to intentionally invoke jealousy.

Jealousy of what, exactly?

The change in your attitude toward the children (no more anger, no arguments, more loving) will get his attention.

This, by the way, is how Michael convinces parents who should know better to follow his methods. He insists that his methods will create a more loving household with no more anger or arguments.

We see Michael telling parents to “use whatever force is necessary” and to continue whipping a disobedient child until they utter a “true, wounded, submissive whimper,” some parents see his promises that if they do this, they will no longer feel anger or the need to yell at their children.

And you know what? Given the way Michael describes marriage, some of his readers may genuinely not know that there is another way.

Michael talks about marriage as through there are only two options—constant fighting over who gets to be on top—who “wins”—or wifely submission that leads to a calm, peaceful household as the husband is now free to love his wife without all of the fighting.

He is mapping this same dynamic on children.

Oh and we get this for good measure:

However, if the only change he sees is that you are spanking the children more and in equal proportions are angry with him, he will think that it is just a hormonal imbalance that will hopefully run its course.

Hormonal imbalance.

Women, amirate?

I have a Patreon! Please support my writing!

Uncategorized

To Train Up a Child

Previous Post

April 23, 2018

Answers in Genesis: Be Careful, Wayward Adult Children Are Contagious

Next Post

April 25, 2018 The Waffle House Shooter Was Homeschooled ... and So Was the Austin Bomber, and That Bomb Maker in Wisconsin

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Atheism Evangelicalism/Fundamentalism Family Feminism Homeschool Meta Parenting Patriarchy Politics Purity Quiverfull Social Justice Uncategorized Worthwhile reads

Select a Month February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What is the effect of the Red Horse's arrival in revelations?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Plagues spread across the land Peace is taken from the earth People fall into a deep sleep The sun turns black