TTUAC: Dogs Get a Pass, Kids Don’t

Last updated on: November 9, 2017 at 9:04 am by Libby Anne

TTUAC: Dogs Get a Pass, Kids Don’t 2017-11-09T09:04:45-04:00 Libby Anne

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

To Train Up A Child, chapter 18 part 1

CHRISTIAN PARENTS’ PARROTS

One way to dull your children’s sensitivity to God is to make them religious showoffs. Parents who value the outward displays of devotion often fall into the Pharisee syndrome. Don’t train them in the skills of pretense. Don’t train them to be “as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the comers of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, they have their reward (Matt. 6:5).”

Passages like these tortured me as a child, because I enjoyed the praise I received from adults but was terrified that this meant I wasn’t a good enough Christian, my personal relationship with Jesus and healthy prayer life aside. But that’s a subject for another post. I loved showing off how much I knew when my parents asked me to do so—and the praise that came with it—but I had siblings who very much didn’t. Instead, it made them miserable. Kids aren’t mere extensions of their parents. So here, I find myself agreeing with Michael. It’s a weird feeling.

But let’s return to Michael, because things are about to get a whole lot more strange:

The other day, I invited my family out to see our dog do a new trick. I gave the command, but he was too distracted by them to regard me. I had interrupted their schedule on promise of a trick, and he acted as if he had never seen me before, much less knew what I was saying. I became anxious and started pushing him to perform. He was making me look silly. “What right does he have to do this to me? Me, of all people. My family would have thought I was so smart, and now I look dumb. Stupid dog. Must be inbred.” Sensing my disapproval, he started to shy away from me. To get my approval, he must make me look good in public. After all, what is a dog good for, but to elevate his master?

I am so confused right now. So confused.

Throughout his book Michael advises parents to train their children like dogs (his comparison, not mine). He also warns parents that if they let their children be obedient even once, that one instance of inconsistency will undo all of the work they’ve done. And yet, here Michael blames himself when he tries to get his dog to show off a trick and his dog refuses? If it were a child refusing to obey, would that child get off so easily?

Here is how Michael advises responding to a child who disobeys a parent’s command, in a passage earlier in the book:

When the time comes to apply the rod, take a deep breath, relax, and pray, “Lord, make this a valuable learning session. Cleanse my child of ill-temper and rebellion. May I properly represent your cause in this matter.” No jerking around. No raised voice. The child should be able to anticipate the coming rod by your utterly calm and controlled spirit.

At this point, in utter panic, he will rush to demonstrate obedience. Never reward delayed obedience by reversing the sentence. And, unless all else fails, don’t drag him to the place of cleansing. Part of his training is to come submissively. However, if you are just beginning to institute training on an already rebellious child, who runs from discipline and is too incoherent to listen, then use whatever force is necessary to bring him to bay. If you have to sit on him to spank him then do not hesitate. And hold him there until he is surrendered. Prove that you are bigger, tougher, more patiently enduring and are unmoved by his wailing. Defeat him totally. Accept no conditions for surrender. No compromise. You are to rule over him as a benevolent sovereign. Your word is final.

Otherwise, tell him to bend over on the bed or couch; and while he is in this position give some choice admonition. You have his undivided attention. Slowly begin to spank. If you go too fast, you may not allow time enough for the inner transformation to occur.

Use your own judgment as to what is effective. I found five to ten licks usually sufficient. Sometimes, with older children, usually when the licks are not forceful enough, the child may still be rebellious. If this occurs, take time to instruct and then continue the spanking. A general rule is to continue the disciplinary action until the child is surrendered. A spanking is made effective, not by its severity, but by its certainty. Spankings don’t have to be as hard where they are consistently applied. Your calm dignity will set the stage to make it more effective.

Why does Michael show more understanding of his dog’s disobedience than he does of children’s disobedience? Michael understood that his dog was distracted. What about times when a child might be distracted? Would the child get the same hearing? To answer this question, let’s look at another passage from earlier in the book:

One father tells of his training sessions with each new toddler. He sets aside an evening for “booty” camp, which is a boot camp for toddlers. The child of ten to twelve months is left alone to become deeply interested in a toy or some delightful object. From across the room or just inside the other room, the father calls the child. If he ignores the call, the father goes to him and explains the necessity of immediately coming when called, and then leads him to the father’s chair. The child thus led through these paces is being programmed.

He is returned to the toy and left alone long enough to again become engrossed. Another call, and, if no response, the father gives a patient explanation and demonstration of the desired response. The parent, having assured himself of the child’s understanding, once again sets up the situation and calls the child. This time, if there is not an immediate response the child is lightly spanked and lectured. The father continues this throughout the evening until the child readily and immediately responds to a summons. Thereafter, until the child leaves home, he is expected to drop everything and come upon the first call. As long as the parents remain consistent, the child will consistently obey. This “obedience training” is carried out in the utmost patience and concentration. The spanking should not be viewed as punishment, but as reinforcement to commands.

Notice that there is no understanding that a child could fail to come when called because that child is distracted. In fact, the father intentionally gives the child a distraction. As a parent, I have long learned that I can’t just call my children and expect them to come, because there’s a very good chance that even if they’re within distance to “hear” me they’ll be distracted by some toy or activity and won’t actually hear me. Instead, I make sure to get their attention. And I listen to them, too—sometimes they’re in the middle of something, and what I need isn’t urgent, so I tell them they can finish. And even then they sometimes forget that I need them when they finish what they’re doing, and I have to go remind them, because they’re kids and kids are human and this is a thing that happens.

Michael’s response to a child’s disobedience would likely depend on the child’s age. An older child would get a whipping, as described in the first passage above; a smaller child might get another training session, as described in the second passage. It’s Michael’s shoulder shrug and his conclusion that he was wrong to ask his dog to demonstrate his new trick to begin with that I don’t understand.

I have a Patreon! Please support my writing!

Uncategorized

To Train Up a Child

Previous Post

November 8, 2017

Reminder: Hillary Clinton Received Three Million More Votes Than Donald Trump

Next Post

November 9, 2017 Woman Accuses Alabama Judge Roy Moore of Sexually Molesting Her When She Was 14

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Atheism Evangelicalism/Fundamentalism Family Feminism Homeschool Meta Parenting Patriarchy Politics Purity Quiverfull Social Justice Uncategorized Worthwhile reads

Select a Month February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

How did God speak to Moses at the burning bush?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Through lightning Symbols from the fire Through wind By name