“The reason was ‘sex might happen'”

Last updated on: November 26, 2014 at 5:00 am by Libby Anne

“The reason was ‘sex might happen'” 2014-11-22T00:22:03-04:00 Libby Anne

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I appreciated this recent comment by reader smrynda:

I got a real world look at something like purity culture when a friend of mine decided to try to meet guys online. She went on a date with a self-professed evangelical Christian and then afterwards, he made a big point that he would not go into her residence. The reason was ‘sex might happen.’ She said she was totally not having sex with him, but his reason was ‘I trust you but not met.’ So my friend asked him, ‘are you admitting you are a rapist?’ Wasn’t a second date, though she did tell him that she’d had a number of men over without anyone else around and sex did not happen.

I’m suspecting that some people raised in purity culture have seriously never been in any situations where a man and a woman who are not married are actually alone. Sex does not happen all the time. It’s not like getting a magnet close to some small bits of metal. Even people who are reasonably interested in sex don’t have it as often as they could.

I mean, sometimes people just don’t feel like having sex. After all, they can have sex some other time.

Yep, pretty much. When you’re as obsessed with sex as evangelical and fundamentalist Christians who buy into what I call “purity culture” are, you are constantly afraid that “sex will happen” at the drop of a hat. This is why the need for chaperones is so heavily emphasized by families like the Duggars.

You know what’s interesting? I spent the night in Sean’s dorm room for months before we actually had sex. His roommate was never there, so I would come over and study and then go to bed with him and cuddle and sometimes make out, and then fall asleep together. In the morning I would go back to my dorm room to shower and get my things for the day. I spent at least three nights week in Sean’s dorm room for four months before we had sex—and when we did have sex, it was very intentional, and something we had thought through, not something that just “happened.”

But no, purity culture, go ahead and ignore all that lived experience and pretend that a guy and a girl alone and unchaperoned are robbed of free will and will of necessity have sex.

Purity

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