The Strong-Willed Child: Dedication

Last updated on: June 22, 2014 at 9:08 am by Libby Anne

The Strong-Willed Child: Dedication 2014-06-22T09:08:17-04:00 Libby Anne

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

While my parents drew primarily on the child-rearing advice offered in Michael Pearl‘s To Train Up a Child, they also read James Dobson. There are many differences between Dobson and the Pearls. Dobson is evangelical rather than fundamentalist and is more widely known; Dobson has a degree in psychology, which lends him a aura of credibility; and the language of Dobson’s books is more scientific and thus comes across as more credible. In spite of these differences, I don’t recall my parents ever feeling that there was conflict between the Pearls’ teachings and those of Dobson. Indeed, that what Dobson said was so very similar helped give the Pearls credibility in their eyes.

I say all this because I recently received an email from blogger Victoria Strong.

I was also raised in fundie evangelical Christianity though my parents were not Quiverfull. That said, I really identify with so much of what you write about and have experienced, although I actually was not at all exposed to the Pearls. My parents were James Dobson-ites, I mean they worshiped the guy. I was raised primarily on “The Strong-Willed Child” and it has left me with many, many scars. In an effort to heal, I have started a small blog where I am reviewing the original copy of “The Strong-Willed Child”.

I’ve often had readers make similar comments on my posts about the Pearls, pointing out that James Dobson’s advice is little different from that of the Pearls. It’s easy, I think, to dismiss the Pearls’ advise as that of some sort of isolated extremists while in fact their teachings are echoed in many, many other books. Fellow blogger Kathryn Elizabeth recently attended a homeschool convention where a speaker condemned spanking babies (something the Pearls advise) and then recommended three child-rearing books by other authors . . . each of which in fact also advise spanking babies.

In other words, it is not enough to avoid the Pearls because in fact much of evangelical child-rearing literature hits on the same exact themes and ideas that make the Pearls’ advice so toxic in the first place. I think the Pearls get singled out for a lot of blame because they don’t even attempt to mince words or dress up their advice to sound more acceptable. But it is the themes and ideas that they teach, not the way they teach them, that are the problem. And now Victoria’s reviews give us a chance to examine the similarities and differences in themes and ideas between the Pearls’ books and those of Dobson. I can’t tell you how excited this makes me!

Victoria kindly gave me permission to crosspost her reviews, and I will be crossposting one each week on Sundays. Today we start with the very fist one.

—————————

By Victoria

Originally posted on Healing Victoria Strong

The Strong-Willed Child, dedication

I will be reviewing the original print of this book. I know it has been updated and republished several times over the years (shudder) but my mother read the original, so that is what I will do. I bought this book used for literally 1 cent on Amazon. Upon reading it, I’ve concluded that I paid too much for this drivel. But let’s begin, shall we?

Wow. Perhaps it’s naïve of me to be surprised by this, but the first red flag comes in the book’s dedication. The dedication! I reproduce it for you:

“This book is affectionately dedicated to my own mother, who was blessed with a brilliant understanding of children. She intuitively grasped the meaning of discipline and taught me many of the principles which I’ve described on the following pages. And, of course, she did an incredible job of raising me, as everyone can plainly see.”

Whoa, nelly! Look, it’s fine to love your parents, to think they were great, to think they did a great job raising you. But to say “as everyone can plainly see”? I … I … Ego, much? Holy hubris, Batman! Anyway, moving on…

“But I’ve always been puzzled by one troubling question: why did my fearless mother become such a permissive pushover the moment we made her a grandmother?”

I’m sure he means this to be light-hearted and funny, but as someone who was raised on his toxic books and now sees my own mom as a grandmother, I don’t find this funny. I find it triggering. My own mother has the hugest pair of grandma blinders I’ve ever seen in my life. My nieces and nephew can literally do no wrong. She CONSTANTLY makes excuses for them when they misbehave. “He was tired.” “Her asthma was acting up.” And while I want to make it abundantly clear that I would never in a million years wish what I went through as a child on my nieces and nephew, or any other child for that matter, when she gushes over how good they are, when they behave exactly like I did as a child, it really hits a trigger. I was punished in some form for every tiny little thing I did from about nine months onward, and believe me, NOBODY cared if I was tired or sick.

Stay tuned …

Uncategorized

Strong-Willed Child

Previous Post

June 21, 2014

CTNAHM: Love Never Enslaves!

Next Post

June 23, 2014 I Was in a College Cult

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Atheism Evangelicalism/Fundamentalism Family Feminism Homeschool Meta Parenting Patriarchy Politics Purity Quiverfull Social Justice Uncategorized Worthwhile reads

Select a Month February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Who was King Zedekiah, and what did he do to anger God and ensure Jerusalem's fall?

Select your answer to see how you score.

He built an idol He killed Jeremiah He burned the scroll He rebelled against Babylon