CTNAHM: Wow! Michael Is Right!

Last updated on: April 9, 2014 at 5:00 am by Libby Anne

CTNAHM: Wow! Michael Is Right! 2014-04-08T21:49:10-04:00 Libby Anne

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

By Aletha

Originally posted on Yllom Mormon

Created To Need A Help Meet, pp. 157—158

Today is a super-short section. It’s super short for two reasons: one, because I’m in the middle of a marathon of “Call the Midwives” on Netflix. Two, because I’m dying of shock. Michael makes a good point, and lets it be. He doesn’t surround it with toxic nonsense. He doesn’t blame the woman. He doesn’t name call. He doesn’t even boast. Just straight-forward, good advice—albeit centered in scripture. Read on!

Speaking Healing Words

This can be the first day of your renewed marriage. You may not see fruit right away, but you must begin by cultivating the fallow ground with healing words. “A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth: and a word spoken in due season, how good is it! (Proverbs 15:23)” Wives are always in season for “good words.” They are hurt by our words. You have been hurt by her words, have you not? Where does it stop? It stops when one party (that’s you) starts speaking comfortable words, gracious words, words that are spirit and life. The tongue can be a world of iniquity or it can be a tree of life. The power is in our words.

See what I mean? By encouraging one party to be the bigger person to stop hurting each other, Michael is giving his best advice yet. I’m sure this is something almost every couple can use at one time or another. Especially me. I’m pretty good with words, and I am very, very good at using my words to hurt others. Specifically my husband; he always seems to feel the brunt of my ire. It’s a good thing that he doesn’t retaliate or escalate.

But that’s the point! It’s ever so much harder to be cruel to someone that doesn’t fight back. And I think it’s really interesting that Michael is putting the responsibility on the men. I would have thought that his advice would be something like “Let her know who is boss—don’t back down!” But instead, he encourages men to speak basically nicely to their wives, even if they have been or are being hurt by her.

I also like how the section starts with “This can be the first day of your renewed marriage.” I like that he allows the choice. This CAN be the first day. Or it cannot be. Your choice. I like that he admits that it will take time to heal and see the results. Overall, I can’t stop pinching myself, because this is MICHAEL PEARL writing. And I’m agreeing. It’s sad/funny how wrong it feels.

James 3:6—And the tongue is fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell.

Proverbs 15:4—A wholesome tongue is a tree of life: but perverseness therein is a breach in the spirit.

Not going to lie—I’ve had these verses quoted at me (or given to me on homemade bookmarks) a few times when I was growing up. My sharp tongue and quick wit were my only defenses in an unhappy childhood, and I was indiscriminate who I hurt, as long as I got them before they hurt me. But looking at them now, I can see the wisdom in them. It is far too easy to hurt others, especially those we care about, with words. The child’s rhyme “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is a lie. Words can sting more than a belt, long after the welt is gone and the scar has faded.

Put your fiery tongue away like a man puts away his weapon. End the conflict by absorbing some blows without returning fire. Stop trying to win the argument and start trying to win your wife. Stop getting in the last word, and start getting in some pleasant words.

I feel like this whole section has been written just for me (minus the parts about being a man). Honestly, I feel taken down a peg or two, and it infuriates me that it is Michael that did it. Does that make me an awful person? And not just applying it to dealing with my husband, but with my foster kids, too. I have a 10 year old girl that LOVES to argue. About everything. She had a 15 minute tantrum because we wouldn’t let her walk to the barn through 18″ of snow in her slippers. So often, when she mouths off, I have an almost physical need to “win” the argument. I want to show her who is boss, and feel like I bested her.

She’s going back with her mom tomorrow, but hopefully I will take this message more to heart with the next bunch of kids we get. Sigh.

Uncategorized

created to need a help meet

Previous Post

April 8, 2014

"Sometimes You Have To Do What You Don't Want To Do"

Next Post

April 9, 2014 My Sister, Joy---and Me

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Atheism Evangelicalism/Fundamentalism Family Feminism Homeschool Meta Parenting Patriarchy Politics Purity Quiverfull Social Justice Uncategorized Worthwhile reads

Select a Month February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Which king rebuilt the high places Solomon had built for foreign gods?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Manasseh Hezekiah Jehu Josiah