Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Love, Joy, Feminism

Home
Nonreligious
CTNAHM: Surprising Introspection from Michael—Sort Of

CTNAHM: Surprising Introspection from Michael—Sort Of

Last updated on: January 22, 2014 at 8:58 pm by Libby Anne

CTNAHM: Surprising Introspection from Michael—Sort Of 2014-01-22T20:58:48-04:00 Libby Anne

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

A Guest Post by Aletha

Originally Posted on Yllom Mormon

Created to Need a Help Meet, pp. 116—117

Today we are talking about the Command Man’s greatest weakness. And I have to say, I’m surprised at what Michael thinks it is. Does he handle the subject well? Does he offer feasible techniques for overcoming said weakness? Hahaha. I’ll let you guess.

The Command Man’s Greatest Weakness

The Command Man’s greatest weakness is confidence in his hormones—in his innate nature. He trusts his own judgement above others’. He is often accused of being proud, arrogant even. Of course, pride comes readily to the one in command. That is why the Apostle Paul warned that in selecting leaders to “rule” the church, “Not a novice, lest being lifted up with pride he falls into the condemnation of the devil (1 Tim 3:6)” A novice Command Man, one that has no history of humble leadership, is in danger of being carried away with pride.

I think it’s interesting how much Michael dogs on women’s hormones, but men’s hormones seem to be OK—as long as there’s not TOO much trust in them. (And who judges that, exactly?) Also, the way Michael describes Mr. C-arrogant, not trusting anyone but himself, does not really lend itself to practicing self-restraint. If “pride comes readily”, then why not spend a few paragraphs discussing humble leadership? Or at the very least, defining it!

Being created with the nature to lead does not qualify one to lead anymore than being born a man qualifies one to parent.

I’m really surprised by this line. Because it is 100% true. And yet, no matter how much lip service Michael may pay to this idea, in practice, and in most of the rest of this book, he disagrees with this. He flat out says, Command Men are leaders, and people follow them. He argues that having kids is the only way of a Godly marriage. So while he might write this line, and while it is true, it would probably mean more if his entire ministry echoed this, instead of “Mighty Man, you are called to lead! Your judgments are right, because you speak for God!”

The will to lead is not the same as the wisdom to lead. The ability to persuade others to follow does not mean one is going to lead them in the right direction. So the greatest weakness of a Command Man is his stubborn assumption of his own superiority.

Oh. I get it now. He’s talking about OTHER Command Men. Because Michael is righteous and just in all things. I mean, he doesn’t even have to apologise! Clearly he has the wisdom to lead, and is obviously leading others in the right direction. I’m going to stop before I use all my sarcasm in this one paragraph.

This is expressed in marriage by his presumption that his wife should joyfully support him without questioning the wisdom of his actions. He is often surprised at his own failures and does not easily take the blame for his presumptuous mistakes. He seldom apologizes. Of the three types of men, the Command Man is the most prone to think he could manage just fine without a wife…if ONLY he could have sex three times a week and have a cook and housekeeper who mind her own business!

I am having a hard time seeing how knowing the difference between ability and correctness of leadership translates to marriage. And nowhere does Michael say “This is not a healthy attitude! Your wife is a person with her own needs!” I also think it’s weird that Michael tends to boil wives down into little more than serving automatons, and yet he (jokingly?) says Mr. C doesn’t think he needs a wife—as long as all his needs get met. One question I have is how is Mr. C going to get sex (in this culture) without marriage, and when masturbation is a sin? The nookie-fairy?

Commanding Hope

Don’t despair, Mr. Command Man; you can have an amazing marriage. I know because I am this type, and my marriage has been exceedingly rich and rewarding. More importantly, it has been rich and rewarding for my wife.

I’m calling bananas on this. All one has to do is read Debi’s book, and see how much self-loathing she has, and what little respect she has for her husband. But, again, the culture of the target demographic does not allow for women to express anything other than contentment. The saddest part is, how are women supposed to realise they are unhappy if they are told anything other than submissive joy is unacceptable (from childhood)?

You may be uncomfortable sharing your personal feelings with anyone, even your wife. Command is a lonely thing. The sanctity of one’s command must be protected from the public. It takes awhile for a wife to raise her clearance level so as to be admitted to the inner sanctum of strategy and power. All this changes as a man learns to really love his wife and she learns to appreciate her husband’s strengths and virtues, and accepts him on his terms.

I might have had an idealistic dating relationship, but isn’t “clearance level” something that should come during dating? If you don’t think your SO accepts you, and you don’t trust them, WHY MARRY THEM? Why turn marriage into the CIA? Here’s a tip to those of you dating. If you don’t trust your partner enough to share your feelings (and I’m not talking about those who have difficulty understanding their feelings-let alone sharing them), if there is no level of trust, you should either break up or seek help. Because a relationship without trust is unhealthy.

Oh, and I think it’s insulting that man only has to “love” his wife (with no explanation as to how this happens), and the wife has to appreciate her husband’s strengths, and accept him on his terms. Nothing mutual about this, folks; walk on…other things to see.
As time passes, the King-type man will become more vulnerable to his woman then will the other two types. Because of his self-imposed remoteness he will pour all of his personal intimacy into the one person on the whole earth whom he dare trust. It is this act of becoming one flesh and one heart that is the essence of marriage. It is more than physical, more than emotional; it is the act of becoming soul mates. It is what God created marriage to be. It is worth any sacrifice to get to this place in your marriage. And it will be a sacrifice. Marriage in its highest form takes a great deal of giving over, especially for a Command Man.

I’m amazed how how often in this marriage-help book, Michael makes marriage sound unappealing. If becoming one heart and one flesh means 1/2 the partnership (the half with women hormones, of course) being “on-call” and “joyfully submitting” to the other, I’ll pass. I also am really irritated at the phrase “as time passes”. Yes, I believe that relationships can get closer and/or better over time. But to set up marriage as “Well, it’ll be hard and require sacrifice, but eventually it’ll be worth it!” seems a bit…odd to me. Especially in a culture that marriage is the ultimate achievement.

Why not talk about the little ways that marriage is delightful, even when their are differences of opinion? What about discussing strategies to keep the love alive, despite illness, poverty, or distress? Why not provide concrete examples and options, instead of making the entire relationship sound like a drudgery?

For people that purportedly are fans of marriage, their idea of it sounds unhealthy and awful. Honestly, I am so glad I married a man who loved me for who I was at the time (undiagnosed and unmedicated, even), instead of a man who loved me for who I would become once I submitted, and accepted him on his terms.

Uncategorized

created to need a help meet

Previous Post

January 21, 2014

No, Explanations Are NOT a Problem

Next Post

January 23, 2014 A Home for Benjamin and Skye: Adopted into Hell

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Atheism Evangelicalism/Fundamentalism Family Feminism Homeschool Meta Parenting Patriarchy Politics Purity Quiverfull Social Justice Uncategorized Worthwhile reads

Select a Month February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Which Christian group traces its roots to John Calvin’s teachings?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Presbyterians Methodists Baptists Lutherans