Positive Parenting: “Yes Sally, I understand”

Last updated on: October 1, 2012 at 1:22 pm by Libby Anne

Positive Parenting: “Yes Sally, I understand” 2012-10-01T13:22:22-04:00 Libby Anne

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

“Swish! Swish! Swish!”

It was evening and I was in the kitchen cleaning up the dishes. Sally was playing with one of her daddy’s belts, whipping it around, listening to the noise it made.

“Ouch!” I yelped as the belt caught my leg. “Sally, that hurt!” I got down on Sally’s level to talk to her. “Listen honey, when you whip that belt around and hit someone, it hurts. You need to be careful.”

Sally nodded, but two minutes later she was at it again, whipping the belt through the air dangerously close to Bobby, who was sitting in his high chair across the kitchen from the sink. Once again I got down on her level.

“Sally, what’s the problem? I asked you to stop whipping that around! I’m afraid you’re going to hurt someone!”

“But I like to!” Sally explained. She liked the swishing sound the belt made. And she was right – it was a pretty cool sound!

“I know! It’s fun isn’t it! I understand why you like doing it,” I affirmed. “But if you do it in here you might hurt someone.” This wasn’t enough, I knew. I had already told her this once, and still she had done it again. “You know what, Sally? I understand why you want to whip that belt around, and that it’s hard for you to hold that belt and not do it. Would you like me to hold the belt for you? I can keep it safe, and that way you won’t be tempted to whip it around like that.”

Sally looked at me, then looked at the belt, then looked at me. “Okay!” she said with a smile, handing me the belt.

“Wait a minute,” I said, having another thought. “How about you go outside and whip the grass?”

“Oh!” Sally’s face broke into a sudden smile, and she took the belt from my hand and was off. It was dusk, so she returned a moment later for a flashlight. I continued cleaning the kitchen as she swished the belt around outside.

One of the things I work hardest at as a parent is understanding my children and their needs. When Sally is “acting up,” I try to understand why and address that, rather than simply punishing her behavior. When she speaks up to explain something or make her desires heard, I see that as communication, not “back talk.” And most of all, I make sure to let her know that I understand. I understand that she doesn’t want to leave the library yet. I understand that she wants to stay up later and not go to bed. I understand that dumping the flour all over the counter is fun. I get it. I really do. And somehow, knowing that I understand and am willing to listen to her and hear her out makes Sally just that much more willing to cooperate and try to understand my perspective in turn. Because it’s not about me versus her. It’s about me plus her. And there’s something beautiful about that.

Parenting

positive parenting

understanding

Previous Post

September 24, 2012

Awesome Comment Award: Emily on pro-life narratives

Next Post

September 26, 2012 Raised Quiverfull: Chryssie's Story

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Atheism Evangelicalism/Fundamentalism Family Feminism Homeschool Meta Parenting Patriarchy Politics Purity Quiverfull Social Justice Uncategorized Worthwhile reads

Select a Month February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

Who danced with all his might before the LORD as the Ark was brought to Jerusalem?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Samuel David Jonathan Nathan