The husband along for the ride

Last updated on: August 10, 2012 at 9:50 pm by Libby Anne

The husband along for the ride 2012-08-10T21:50:44-04:00 Libby Anne

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

When I did my readers survey, one reader asked the following question:

You talk about feminism, but I don’t recall you ever discussing sharing childcare with up your husband. Maybe you have and I missed it, but I come away with the impression that childcare is yours alone. Is there a story here?

I think part of the answer is that my blog is about my journey, and that’s what I explore in my parenting posts. But this reader is right – because of this my husband ends up being conspicuously absent. So let me take a moment to address my husband the role he plays in parenting in our little family.

To start with, my husband generally trusted my judgement on everything parenting-related. After all, I already had so much parenting experience from my 10+ younger siblings that I might as well have already raised a family of my own. I knew how to care for babies, I already had a discipline strategy (the one my parents had followed, and that I’d used with my younger siblings), etc.

As I began rethinking the parenting methods I’d been taught, though, I talked through all of it with him. He became increasingly excited about what I was learning because the new methods I was exploring jived with the importance he places on critical thinking and experiential learning, etc. Even though I was the one thinking and researching and reading, we really explored these ideas together.

There were times my husband thought my new thoughts were crazy, of course. He is slightly stricter with Sally than I am, and he sometimes thinks I’m too lax. Sometimes this has bothered me – and him, of course! – but the reality is even as we parent slightly differently (emphasis on the word slightly), we really are on the same page when it comes to the big pictures.

My husband is an extremely involved parent, and I love to see him working with Sally. He gets down on the floor with Sally and puts together puzzles or teaches her card games that really should be far beyond her abilities, he plays an awesome game of sharks and minoes with her in the pool, and he cooks pancakes with her every Saturday morning. But more than any of that, what I love best is that he never passes up an educational opportunity.

At his heart, my husband is a scientist, and he passes that love on to Sally. Whether it’s the moon or a grasshopper or a bug infestation, he’s always right there to explain it to her – or, importantly, to help her figure it out for himself. As I watch Sally’s curiosity and love of nature, science, and discovery grow, I know I have my husband to thank.

I think the reason my posts on parenting focus so much on myself is that parenting has changed my life in a way that it hasn’t changed my husband’s life. It’s not that parenting hasn’t changed my husband at all, it’s just that my husband didn’t come from the conservative background I did, and he therefore doesn’t have the sort of issues to work through that I have.

The other part of the question I started this post with focuses on the sharing of childcare. Because my husband and I both work, Sally attends preschool during the day. Nevertheless, my husband does less of the childcare than I do, and for two reasons. First, he often works evenings as well as during the day, leaving me home alone with Sally. (My job, unlike his, does not require evening hours.) Second, my background leaves me feeling guilty when I leave Sally with my husband, which makes me less likely to leave him with the childcare (even though he practically begs me to go out, etc!). I’m working through this second one and have made a lot of progress.

You can expect some posts on this subject in the future, though, because we’re going to be balancing care of our new baby more equally for a variety of reasons. Namely, we won’t be putting him in daycare immediately, meaning that my husband will put in some real daytime hours watching him. This is something we’re going to have to work through – and it’s not him, it’s me.

Family

Parenting

marriage

Previous Post

July 5, 2012

Worthwhile Reads: On Politics, Religion, and Libertarianism

Next Post

July 6, 2012 Sierra's Religion and Sexuality Project

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Atheism Evangelicalism/Fundamentalism Family Feminism Homeschool Meta Parenting Patriarchy Politics Purity Quiverfull Social Justice Uncategorized Worthwhile reads

Select a Month February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

How many books are in the major prophets section of the Old Testament?

Select your answer to see how you score.

4 5 7 3