Respect: I do not think it means what you think it means

Last updated on: August 10, 2012 at 12:37 am by Libby Anne

Respect: I do not think it means what you think it means 2012-08-10T00:37:24-04:00 Libby Anne

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

I grew up hearing that men needed to “respect” women, and that one of the biggest problems in our society was that men had stopped respecting women. Except that there’s something really strange going on here, because feminists, myself included, also believe that men need to respect women. It’s just…they don’t mean the same thing. Actually, they sort of mean the opposite thing.

Leaders in the Christian Patriarchy movement says that men don’t respect women today because they don’t open doors for them and give up chairs for them. You can see that men don’t respect women because men are constantly having premarital sex rather than respecting female purity. The movies show that our culture doesn’t respect women, because they show sex and nudity. In fact, you can even see the lack of respect for women in our society in the fact that families push their daughters out of the nest at 18, sending them vulnerable off to college instead of keeping them at home and protecting them, and in the fact that so many men have their wives work rather than keeping them safe at home, and even in the fact that fathers no longer screen their daughters’ potential beaus. Yes, these are all messages I heard growing up.

In the world of Christian Patriarchy, “respecting” women is about protecting them. It’s about keeping them safe and unharmed, and under male authority. Respect is about keeping women in the home, doing the heavy lifting for them so that they can concentrate on cooking and children.

I remember believing all that. I remember feeling that a guy opening a door for me or pulling up a chair for me was him showing me respect. Once in a courtship, a young man showed his respect for the young woman he was interested in by not pushing for physical intimacy. He showed his respect for her by asking her father’s permission to court her, and of course his permission to marry her.

But I just looked it up, and respect is defined by the dictionary as:

“A feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.”

The only possible way I can push Christian Patriarchy’s idea of “respect” into that definition is to say that women are to be respected for, like, being women. Their qualities of “womanness” are what must be respected. This is, to say the least, objectifying and dehumanizing. Women are to be “respected” for being . . . women. They are to be respected because they were born with lady parts. And respecting them means keeping them safe and protected and out of danger.

This idea of respect that I grew up with now enrages me. I want to be respected as a person, not as a woman. I want to be seen for my abilities and achievements, not for my lady parts. I want to be viewed as an equal, not as something that needs to be protected.

One of the most universal things I hear from feminists is the desire for women to be seen as persons first and female second. I’ve heard parents of children with disabilities object to their children being seen as a disability first and a person second. They don’t appreciate their kid being called a “down syndrome child,” for instance, rather than “a child with down syndrome.” It’s much the same with gender. I don’t want to be a “vagina person.” I want to be “a person who happens to have a vagina.”

There is nothing that makes me feel more disrespected than having a conversation with a man and realizing that he is discounting everything I am saying, or placing less weight on it, because of my gender. This is the epitome of disrespect. It doesn’t matter if this same man opens the door for me. That is not respect. Seeing a person as a person rather than a gender is respect. Valuing a woman’s accomplishments and talents before her lady parts is respect.

I am therefore sick and tired of Christian Patriarchs talking about how disrespected women are in our society today, and believe me, the ones I keep tabs on do it a lot. The worst part is that they think it’s being pro-women. Similarly, fundamentalist Muslims look at our society and say that we are treating women horribly while they, in contrast, keep their women home and protect them. They are the ones who are pro-women. They are the ones who are respecting women.

No. Just, no.

Previous Post

February 11, 2012

Abortion, Heartbeats, and Souls

Next Post

February 12, 2012 Sunday Mornings, Guilt, and Reconceptualization

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category Atheism Evangelicalism/Fundamentalism Family Feminism Homeschool Meta Parenting Patriarchy Politics Purity Quiverfull Social Justice Uncategorized Worthwhile reads

Select a Month February 2021 January 2021 December 2020 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 March 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 October 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 February 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 December 2017 November 2017 October 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 June 2017 May 2017 April 2017 March 2017 February 2017 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015 August 2015 July 2015 June 2015 May 2015 April 2015 March 2015 February 2015 January 2015 December 2014 November 2014 October 2014 September 2014 August 2014 July 2014 June 2014 May 2014 April 2014 March 2014 February 2014 January 2014 December 2013 November 2013 October 2013 September 2013 August 2013 July 2013 June 2013 May 2013 April 2013 March 2013 February 2013 January 2013 December 2012 November 2012 October 2012 September 2012 August 2012 July 2012 June 2012 May 2012 April 2012 March 2012 February 2012 January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

According to Paul, what is the "root of all kinds of evil"?

Select your answer to see how you score.

The love of money Love of learning Worry Fear of God