I Am What I Am

Last updated on: October 8, 2023 at 8:09 am by Artisha T. Bolding

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I Am What I Am 2023-10-08T08:09:08-04:00 Artisha T. Bolding

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As I get back to the regular schedule of some things and a totally shifted routine of others, I have to take a moment and show some gratitude. I am grateful for the simplest joys in life- a sweet treat, a good laugh, a valuable lesson. I’ve had the pleasure to enjoy all these things over the last few days, and as I began to reflect, I smiled. Several of these moments happened under the breeze of the fan and the glow of the television in my bedroom.

I think I have shared before that I was once a fan of trash TV. Years ago, I watched the VH1 reality series faithfully. It was to the point that folks knew not to call me when certain shows were on. They would be lucky to get a text message, if there was any communication at all. Now I am more selective about the things that I watch. I realize that I have to be.

I spoke with my YouTube audience recently about anxious feelings and weird dreams I began to have after watching certain shows. And sitting in that gloomy space was just a reminder that I have to protect my peace and my spirit at all costs. I cannot allow media and what others deem entertainment to weigh on me and move me in a direction that does not support my growth.

Having said that, I am delighted when I can watch a show or movie, new or old, and have a genuine moment of joy or glean a valuable lesson. Here are a few takeaways from my time in front of the tube. Wait, do we still call it a tube since everything is so flat? I don’t know. But here they are:

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Feelings are valid, and they have their place, right? Of course. What’s also true is that feelings are a choice. You and I get to choose how we feel, how long we feel a certain way, and, more importantly, what we do as a result of our feelings. If anyone attempts to exert themselves over me or make me feel beneath them, I remind both them and myself that I’m chosen, unique, and all around lovely. I was born more than enough.

Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear.

The last five years have proven this true for me. I have never been afraid to die, but I have been afraid to fail. I decided that being a woman of integrity who impacted the world for good was most important to me. So I had to push past self-doubt, insecurity, a painful past, and selfish interests. Serving my fellow (wo)man is much more important than fear. So I made a turn and tapped into my inner spiritual gangster, and I came out swinging.

The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all.

I can honestly say I’ve been a risk-taker most of my life. It takes a brave (read: crazy) woman to work as a construction worker and bounty hunter. It takes an even crazier one to be a preacher. Whew! God really did something when He chose me. It hasn’t always been easy, and many times it was lonely, but my life has been FULL. There was a time when I was convinced I would die young. Then there were low moments when I prayed I would. Yet, I’m still here, still kicking. And I know that I have made a mark that cannot be erased.

This week had its difficult moments, and emotions ran high, seemingly out of nowhere. But there was still a puah deep on the inside. Doctors reports couldn’t keep me down. The ever-changing landscape that is life couldn’t keep me down. Through it all, I’m still standing. I’m grateful. I’m strong. I’m not going anywhere.

I’m thankful for my mind, even when dark clouds roll in. I’m thankful for my home, even when it is cluttered and small. I’m grateful for my husband, even when we’re not seeing eye to eye. I’m grateful for the wisdom that’s been hard-earned. I’m grateful for the gray hair that’s concealed bleach blonde. I’m grateful to share my thoughts, my hurts, and my journey with you. I’m grateful that you can read this, grab the opportunity to take self-inventory, and make better decisions. I’m grateful that I’m still The Patient wearing lipstick.

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