Should Wives Obey Their Husbands?

Last updated on: August 26, 2016 at 9:19 am by Lisa Duffy

Should Wives Obey Their Husbands? 2016-08-26T09:19:36-04:00 Lisa Duffy

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Having a successful marriage takes effort on the parts of both husband and wife, so when the question of whether or not a wife should obey her husband is presented, it naturally sparks some very strong responses from women and men alike. What, then, is the answer?

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Did you know that if you placed two acoustic guitars side-by-side on guitar stands and strummed the strings of one guitar, the other guitar strings will resonate with the same frequency? The instruments come alive together harmoniously. I believe this is very much the way God designed marriage to be… for a man and woman who are equal in dignity yet different in their gifts and talents, to live together in this same sort of harmony. Each spouse brings different strengths and abilities to the marriage that complement the other’s and create a harmonious relationship. So when the question of whether or not a wife should obey her husband is presented—as it is in three distinct places in sacred scripture (Colossians 3:18, 1 Peter 3:1, Ephesians 5: 22-23)—it naturally sparks some very strong responses from women and men alike.

It seems there are more women offended by the idea that they should “obey” their husbands than those who are not. Could this non serviam (I will not serve) attitude be the result of decades of feminism gone wild? Or is it really true that women should not be submissive, but be treated as equals to their husbands in all things? Perhaps it is the knee-jerk reaction that comes with the word “obey?” Women don’t like the image that is conjured up by that term, as if to obey one’s husband really means to be a “doormat” or “slave.” But when you actually take these verses within the context of the entire reading, it’s easy to see that this command to obey is given specifically to bring about harmony in a relationship.

For example, in Peter’s first epistle, a woman who obeys her husband is described as someone who can change her husband’s heart without saying anything at all, but does so through her inner beauty which he cannot resist. Anyone can apply makeup and wear nice clothes and jewelry, but a rare gift is the woman whose unfading beauty of a gentle spirit can so intensely affect a man without her speaking even one word. And in Ephesians 5, St. Paul commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the Church, which translates to a passionate, sacrificial love. What women wouldn’t want her husband to love her passionately and put her first before his own interests and desires? There is so much beauty to these teachings and so much potential for having an incredible marriage that it doesn’t make much sense to be offended by the idea of wives treating their husbands with this kind of respect.

Please keep in mind that I am speaking to couples in healthy relationships inspired by Christian values, and I am not encouraging people who are in abusive relationships to remain in their unhealthy situation and “obey” the perpetrator of their abuse.

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