Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Lisa Duffy: A Million Unheard Souls

Home
Catholic
Most Important Step To Bring Healing To A Family Wounded By Divorce

Most Important Step To Bring Healing To A Family Wounded By Divorce

Last updated on: June 29, 2016 at 1:12 pm by Lisa Duffy

Most Important Step To Bring Healing To A Family Wounded By Divorce 2016-06-29T13:12:12-04:00 Lisa Duffy

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

By Amanda Rose

Divorce is a devastating experience, not just for the spouses, but for the entire extended family. The loss of such important relationships causes deep, seemingly irreparable wounds, but there is one important step you can take to start bringing healing to your family…

Photo by Hossein Ezzatkhah, Unsplash.com, CC

When we think of the excruciating pain of divorce, we think primarily of the broken relationship between husband and wife. We understand that it also affects any children involved, but we don’t always realize how many others are affected when our marriage breaks up. The pain of divorce spreads through the family like poisonous fumes filling a home; no corner is spared. Aunts and uncles, cousins, mothers-in-law and fathers-in-law all likely expected that our Catholic marriage would last forever, just as we ourselves had expected its permanence. Divorce often shocks and wounds the entire family.

Losing the In-Laws

In my experience as a Catholic mother who didn’t want to be divorced, losing the in-laws and extended family added another level of pain to the pain of divorce. My ex-husband’s family wasn’t unkind to me, they were just uncomfortable. Relationships slipped away as I stopped seeing them at special occasions and shared holidays.

One of the biggest blows to me was learning about the death of my ex-husband’s uncle through Facebook. It was an unexpected and sudden death that left me stunned and sobbing as I read the linked article from my uncle’s home town newspaper. I still thought of him as “my uncle,” but no family members had thought to call me. No one, including my ex-husband, purposely withheld the information. They just forgot that I would care, that I would also mourn his loss. They didn’t think of me as a family member anymore.

Moving Forward

I’ve been blessed to have a non-contentious divorce with mutual respect and easy agreement to shared custody arrangements. Many families are not as blessed as we have been. They struggle with blame and guilt and anger. They endure harsh, angry words that wound like arrows piercing the heart and then throw those sharp arrows right back with even more anger. How can we move forward in healing our families when we’re drowning in pools of pain? How can we heal the wounds caused by divorce, not just within ourselves but also within our extended family?

The Most Important Thing to Do

One of the most important things we can do is to pray. Pray for any children, for ourselves, our former spouse, and for the entire family – your family and the family of your former spouse. Prayer always helps. God always hears us when we cry out to him in supplication.

We can pray and intercede in many different ways, but sometimes it’s nice to have a prayer that already says what you want to say. I use the “Laudate” app that features a huge variety of Catholic prayers. The Prayer for Peace in Our Family struck me with its beauty and the touching request for the intercession of Mary and Joseph. Both Mary, Mother of Jesus, and Saint Joseph are wonderful intercessors for divorced Catholics. We can entrust ourselves to them as their children, just as Jesus entrusted himself to them during his childhood.

Striving for Holiness

This Prayer for Peace in Our Family is not a magic incantation, no prayers are. But it does put the focus on what we are striving for in living as a holy Catholic family. We are called to live out the words of Christ to his apostles in the Upper Room after his resurrection, “Peace be with you” (Matthew 20:19). We’re not saints yet, we continue to strive for holiness, we continue to strive to be peacemakers. We continue to pray.

If it’s been a rough divorce for you, the words to this prayer may at first stick in your throat a bit. But surrender anger and bitterness to him; surrender betrayal and pain to him, and you will begin to experience peace.

Prayer is talking and listening to God, not just saying a lot of words at him. Consider the words of this prayer as you pray them; let them echo in the silence of your heart. Make room for peace in your heart as you pray for peace in your family.

Prayer for Peace in Our Family

Lord Jesus, be with my family.
Grant us your peace and harmony,
and an end to conflict and division.
Gift us with compassion to better understand each other,
wisdom and love to assist each other,
and trust and patience to live peacefully together.
Grant that through the intercession of your mother, Mary, and St. Joseph,
our family may become a holy family accepting each other,
working together in unity,
selflessly dedicated to one another and to you.
Amen

(Prayer via Catholic.org)

divorcedcatholicmoms.com

how to heal after divorce

Laudate app

Prayer for Peace in Our Family

relationships

Year of Mercy

Previous Post

June 26, 2016

Dory And Pope Francis: Making Waves And Scaring Catholics

Next Post

July 4, 2016 Is The Object Of Your Desire Really Worth Chasing After?

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category 2016 Presidential Election abortion Catholic relationships Donald Trump Hillary Clinton marriage and divorce prochoice prolife relationships Uncategorized vote

Select a Month May 2018 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz