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How To Heal A Broken Heart Pt. 2: The Angry Heart

How To Heal A Broken Heart Pt. 2: The Angry Heart

Last updated on: May 4, 2016 at 8:11 am by Lisa Duffy

How To Heal A Broken Heart Pt. 2: The Angry Heart 2016-05-04T08:11:46-04:00 Lisa Duffy

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Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. – Mark Twain

Image by Henry Hustava, Unsplash.com, CC

Did you know that a 2002 Chevy Corvette can go from 0 to 60 mph in 1.97 seconds? What a ride! In fact there are 22 luxury vehicles that can go from 0 to 60 in less than 3 seconds. Amazing. What also happens at an amazing speed is how quickly your emotions can seize you and take charge. Anger, jealousy, frustration… all from 0 to 60 in about a split second. Ever feel this way? If you’re divorced, no doubt you’ve experienced something just like this.

Controlling your emotions is one of the toughest battles after divorce because of their illogical frequency. They show up unannounced like a group of rowdy punk kids wreaking havoc on an otherwise calm situation. The challenge is to gain control of your emotions so they don’t control you.

You’re Not Alone In Your Anger

Kayla shares her experience with anger at her ex-spouse:

Looking back at those first three months or so, I was permeated with shock, horror and sadness. I never dreamed my twelve-year relationship with my husband would end. On my wedding day I didn’t stand at the altar before God, family, and friends thinking, “I can always get out if I want to.” Nor could I have imagined that my spouse would ever dream of thinking these same thoughts, but he did.

After he walked out, I found that the hunches I had about him being unfaithful were terribly true. I was angry for being lied to, for giving my husband the benefit of the doubt and still being played for such a fool. I was angry because he never told his family the real story and they believed his lies. Most of all, I was angry because I didn’t want to be divorced. I married for life. It was my world, my future, my dream!

So, there I was alone in my empty house. I had cried my tears dry and I couldn’t eat a thing. With each day that passed, I came to a deeper realization that my life would never be the same. I was forced to recognize that this was my new normal. In the very depths of my heart, I understood the decision I had to make essentially equated to this: Will I allow my divorce to drag me down, lose all hope, all trust, and become bitter, or will I let my pain motivate me to move forward, to learn some lessons about life, to search for hope in my future? Will I allow myself to become a victim, or will I find a way to use my pain in a positive way?

4 Key Steps to Overcoming Anger

Kayla’s story is one shared by many people who go through a divorce. Working through anger is a process and takes practice and perseverance. The steps below are real, practical tools you can begin using right away to help you start processing your anger and moving forward:

1. Acceptance

Many people hold on to anger and resentment as if it’s a prized possession, or proof of having survived a terrible war. When you are unjustifiably hurt, anger is difficult to let go of. But part of the danger of perpetuating anger is refusing to accept your new normal. If you want to start taking steps toward gaining control of your anger, it’s important to accept your life as it is today, not what it used to be. You don’t have to like what it is today, but in accepting that this is your new starting point, you can move forward from here to better days.

2. Journaling

Journaling in an excellent way to process your emotions and get them out of your head, out of your heart, and onto a piece of paper. You can be as candid, honest and angry as you please and when you’re done venting, you can burn it, mail it, or keep it to yourself. Best of all, if you actively work toward healing, forgiveness, and making peace with the past, at some point you can go back and read what you wrote in earlier days and you will be amazed at the growth and progress you’ll see.

3. Exercise

When you are angry, your body creates adrenalin. At a base level, that adrenalin is preparing you for a fight. Since physical fighting is not a healthy way to deal with the anger, yet there is all this adrenalin racing through your veins, a great way to expend that adrenalin is through vigorous exercise. This could be fast walking, jogging, bike riding, racquetball, etc. The key is that it is vigorous enough for you to work up a sweat. A leisurely stroll is not going to do it. Of course, make sure that whatever you do, you are in the proper physical shape to do it. Make exercise a regular habit and not only will you find yourself less angry, you will be healthier. That can only be a good thing.

4. Go To Confession

Going to confession reconciles us with God and “our brother” even in respect to venial sins, which all of us are guilty of. It brings us back into God’s grace and cleanses our soul. Practically speaking, when you go to confession and speak to the priest, you have the opportunity to “get things off your chest” and really get to the root of your problems. In turn, you receive counseling from the priest, who is in persona Christi, or representing Christ.

There are actually many different things you can do to start managing your anger, these four are just some of them. For more ways to find healing, subscribe to LisaDuffy.Com and receive my free video course, The Six Keys To Healing After Divorce.

how to heal after divorce

Lisa Duffy

relationships

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How To Heal A Broken Heart Pt. 1: The Hopeless Heart

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