Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Lisa Duffy: A Million Unheard Souls

Home
Catholic
How To Heal A Broken Heart Pt. 1: The Hopeless Heart

How To Heal A Broken Heart Pt. 1: The Hopeless Heart

Last updated on: May 1, 2016 at 7:00 am by Lisa Duffy

How To Heal A Broken Heart Pt. 1: The Hopeless Heart 2016-04-30T07:52:07-04:00 Lisa Duffy

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty. – Mother Teresa

Photo by Matthew Weibe, Unsplash, CC

In those first weeks and months after a spouse walks out of a marriage, experiencing extreme emotions is as inevitable as the tide rolling in. Shell-shock and numbness take hold, and as my friend, Bill, described it, “Those are just gray, colorless days.”

As time passes, many people tend to regain their emotional balance and despite their woundedness, are able to take steps forward. But some people remain emotionally stuck, primarily due to three factors:

1. They feel so bad, they can’t imagine ever feeling happy again.
2. They believe they have nothing good to look forward to.
3. Their sense of loss is so deep, they can’t see their own value or self-worth.

How does someone feeling so hopeless find their way back to a life worth living?

You Are Not Alone In Your Suffering

Leo and Liz were gracious enough to speak candidly about the challenges they faced after their spouses left with me in my Voices of Hope video. Leo shared what it was like for him to struggle with hopelessness:

Divorce destroyed me. I lost my marriage, I lost my children, and my hopes and dreams for the future. It destroyed everything. I was feeling very lost at the time and it was very difficult for me to have any sense of hope at all.

Liz describes those first days of being separated:

I knew I should trust in God and I usually believe that he can make good out of any bad situation, but at that time I didn’t see any light at the end of the tunnel. I had nothing to hope for. The suffering was intense because I truly believe when you get married, you’re meant to be married forever. You give your heart and your soul to your spouse and that’s supposed to be there forever, and when your spouse walks out and when he tells you he doesn’t love you anymore… it breaks your heart. It really breaks your heart.

Keeping in mind that healing from a traumatic life event such as divorce takes time and you will often find there is no real rhyme or reason to the different phases you go through. There will be good days and bad days and at first, and every day might seem like a bad day. But it won’t always be this way. The good days will become more frequent and eventually will out number the bad days until they don’t occur anymore.

But it will help to embrace two practical factors as you move forward, and these points will help you feel like you have a better grip on things. They are:

1. Your divorce is something that happened to you. It does not define who you are.

Although you may not be able to see it now, this pain and suffering will pass and there will be a day when your divorce is not the primary focus of each day. Think of other difficult times in your life and how they are now in the past… the same will happen here. God still has good things waiting for you in your future but you need to be open to those possibilities.

Scripture tells us, there is a time for everything:

There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven,

A time to kill and a time to heal;
A time to tear down and a time to build up.

A time to weep and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn and a time to dance (Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8).

Trust that you will move on to other chapters of your life, and that your goal at this moment is to learn how to make peace with this chapter, so you can close it, lay it to rest, and begin a new one.

But, it’s also important to remember that divorce doesn’t define who you are, it is something that happened to you. It does not invalidate your role as an important family member, friend, or member of society. It does not erase all the good qualities you possess or all the good things you’ve done. It certainly does not negate all the incredible potential you have. Despite the trauma of your situation and the dramatic ways in which your life has changed, your divorce does not define you as a person, it just changes your direction.

2. Discover the Takeaway

Even in difficult times or moments of crisis, there is always a horizon of hope: The Incarnation tells us that we are never alone, that God has come to humanity and that he accompanies us. – Pope Benedict XVI

It is true, God is close to you because of your suffering and he wants to use your circumstances for your good. You can turn things around right now by asking God to show you what he wants you to learn in all of this. What is the take-away?

When Life Gets Messy

Back in the late 1960’s or early 70’s I remember watching a television show in which the host would select two or three children from the live audience, bring them up on stage and ask them to scribble on a blank piece of paper on an easel. When they were finished, adult artists would go to the easels and create beautiful pictures using the children’s scribble. It was incredible the way they could make a beautiful masterpiece out of a child’s simple drawing.

Don’t you think that God can take your messy life, your scribbles and make beautiful pictures out of them? This is exactly what he wants to do, you just need to give him access. Place your worries and anxieties in God’s hands and trust he will bring good things out of your situation. Let him take your scribbles and turn your life into a masterpiece.

how to heal after divorce

Lisa Duffy

Pope Francis

relationships

the catholic guide to dating after divorce

Previous Post

April 27, 2016

8 Ways To Heal A Broken Heart: Special Series

Next Post

May 4, 2016 How To Heal A Broken Heart Pt. 2: The Angry Heart

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category 2016 Presidential Election abortion Catholic relationships Donald Trump Hillary Clinton marriage and divorce prochoice prolife relationships Uncategorized vote

Select a Month May 2018 January 2017 December 2016 November 2016 October 2016 September 2016 August 2016 July 2016 June 2016 May 2016 April 2016 March 2016 February 2016 January 2016 December 2015 November 2015 October 2015 September 2015

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz