Being Divorced At Christmas Is Hard, But Don’t Make This Big Mistake

Last updated on: December 16, 2015 at 3:02 pm by Lisa Duffy

Being Divorced At Christmas Is Hard, But Don’t Make This Big Mistake 2015-12-16T15:02:50-04:00 Lisa Duffy

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Advent is a time for us to “prepare the way of the Lord” and the goal of this season is to slow down and spend some time reflecting upon the meaning of Christmas. But what if your personal life is such a mess or is so painful that you just find it too difficult pay any attention? How do you prepare your own heart when you struggle with that terrible emptiness divorce brings and it just hurts too much to think about celebrating?

Well, if that describes you, I know how you feel. By the time Christmas 1993 had rolled around, I had spent five agonizingly long months trying to deal with my divorce. I was angry, depressed, and experiencing a real crisis of faith because I felt abandoned by God, so any type of celebration that had to do with him at that point was out of the question.

I decided to do something I do not recommend doing; I was going to boycott Christmas mass. I refused to go on this holiest of days because I wanted to send God a message and let him know how I really felt. I went to dinner with some friends on Christmas Eve and deliberately missed the opportunity to attend any of the vigil masses. On Christmas day, I met a good friend at Jerry’s Famous Deli and we spent all day there. Yes, all day. I met her there at 9 AM and we had a leisurely breakfast, then we talked our way into lunch and we actually didn’t leave the restaurant until the dinner crowd was coming in and I was positive there were no masses left to attend. Then, I went home.

But the whole thing backfired. There was no sense of satisfaction for showing God what I really thought of him. What I felt instead, was incredible anguish because, not only did I commit a mortal sin by refusing to go to mass on this holy day of obligation, but I realized that in my wanton rage and selfishness, I had missed the one message God was trying to get through to me… how deeply he loved me. I cried bitter tears that evening because I had rejected the one who loved me the most. He humbled himself and took the form of a helpless infant born in the squalor of a stable because he loved me, but I refused his gift. He was tortured and hung on a cross, bleeding to the very last drop of blood for me, and I refused it. I was refusing his love, I was refusing his gifts, his graces, his blessings. Most of all, I was refusing his healing. Healing that I could have gotten from that mass. God would never force my now ex-husband to come back to me or force him to do anything at all, but he would love me and take care of me.

The emotions that come with divorce are very powerful; the anger, the distrust, the internal conflict… it’s like your heart is at war because of your divorce. God cannot live in a heart that is at war. He cannot heal you if you’ve barred him from entering. If you are struggling with these powerful emotions as I did, please… do not follow my example. I encourage you to do whatever you can to lay down your arms and open your heart to God because he is trying to love you.

Bring your troubles to Christ. Bring your worries, bring your pain and suffering, bring your losses and the deep discouragement you feel. Lay them at the foot of the cross, then go sit by the manger and hold his tiny hand, one that will one day be pierced for you. Through the celebration of his birth, let him love you and bring you the peace you seek.

how to heal after divorce

Lisa Duffy

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