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Lisa Duffy: A Million Unheard Souls

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Encouragement For When You Feel Invisible To Others

Encouragement For When You Feel Invisible To Others

Last updated on: December 7, 2015 at 5:20 pm by Lisa Duffy

Encouragement For When You Feel Invisible To Others 2015-12-07T17:20:16-04:00 Lisa Duffy

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It was 11:30pm on New Year’s Eve, 1996 and I was at a huge party at some hotel with a bunch of co-workers. We had been having a good time, but as the clock neared midnight, I was getting more and more agitated. I looked around at the crowd, everyone dressed to the nines, most of them drunk, all of them preparing to count down to the New Year and thought, “I can’t do this.”

This was my third holiday season as a divorced woman and I was desperately lonely. In a room full of people, I couldn’t have felt more isolated. And the thought of watching all those couples hug and kiss as the new year rang in was more than I could handle. So, I just left. I grabbed my things from coat-check and walked out into the frozen Connecticut night. No one asked me to stay, nobody even noticed I was gone. And on the drive home, I was able to put into words what was bothering me so much… I felt invisible.

At the end of each work day I would come home to a cold, dark, empty apartment. I never cooked dinner because, there was no one to cook for. I spent most weekends by myself, and I felt just as invisible going to mass on Sunday in my huge parish where no one knew me. I didn’t matter.

But I did matter, and so do you. That’s why I’m writing to you, today.

If you’re divorced, you may also feel like you’re invisible, like you don’t count or no one would notice if you weren’t around and the holidays tend to exacerbate those feelings of loneliness. But my goal, here, is not to commiserate with you. I don’t want you to fall into the self-pity traps like I did so I’d rather help you do things differently because the truth is you can control at least some of this. You don’t have to settle for living this way, or for feeling invisible.

Here are a few simple steps that can have a positive effect on how you regard yourself:

1. Always Remember God Sees You.

God sees everything! Every ounce of extra effort you give, every prayer you utter, every time you push yourself to do better, every time you feel like giving up. He sees and he knows it all. But he’s not just watching, he is also trying to get your attention. He is constantly trying to show you his love and lead you along the right path. Don’t allow your loneliness to distract you to the point you can’t see God in your life.

It’s during the painful times that God most wants to help you, and that’s one great lesson of enduring loneliness – that through the absence of those you love in your life, Christ can come more into focus. What a great opportunity to come closer to him and to realize your self worth lies in his eyes, not in the opinions of others.

2. You Are Being Watched

You very well might feel invisible but you probably don’t realize there are others who not only see you but are also watching you (in a good way). They are taking note of your situation, even if they don’t say anything or even if there is no outer proof that they are paying attention to you. Take, for example, my friend Karen who was surprised to find out that there was someone she didn’t know well at all, but who cared a great deal about her well-being:

I didn’t know it at the time of my divorce, but I found out later that a neighbor I didn’t know well was praying fervently for me through it all. This thought helps me every time I’m down and I know it helped then, too. I have tried to live up to her example ever since.

Stop for a moment and think about how many people could be praying for you on a regular basis; family members, friends, the people who see you come to church alone, the neighbor down the street, the priest who heard your last confession… you are not invisible to them.

Divorce can be harsh on so many levels, and harsh to the point you might feel crushed under the weight of it all. But don’t give in to discouragement or despair. Remember you are not invisible, you are important and worthy of being loved. And, you can certainly count on my prayers for you.

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