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This Valentine’s Day, Hate Your Sin and Love Others

This Valentine’s Day, Hate Your Sin and Love Others

Last updated on: February 12, 2025 at 12:00 pm by Lee Ann B. Marino

This Valentine’s Day, Hate Your Sin and Love Others 2024-12-20T21:21:29-05:00 Lee Ann B. Marino

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I first heard the expression, “Hate the sin, love the sinner” as a teenager in the Catholic Church. Our parish priest used the term to speak about some major news story of the day that revolved around something the Catholic Church considered a “sin.” To be honest, I am not sure I remember what exactly it was that he was speaking about, but I clearly remember him using that phrase to describe how he felt we should interact with people who were somehow part of (offenders) that particular issue.

I will admit to using the phrase myself in the past. It was something I commonly heard, so much so, I assumed it was what we should say. I still hear it now, but I react differently do it. In the past, I thought it was a proper interaction with others. Then a few years ago, I started to think about what we were telling others when we said we love them, but hate something about them. I started praying about it and came to the conclusion that it is not something we, as Christians, should speak to anyone: not to people as a principle, not to one another as leaders, and certainly not to people who we feel are in the position to receive such a statement. Here, I will explain why.

pink hearts

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It introduces hate into a conversation

As Christians, we are supposed to be about the love of God. Whenever we start talking about hate, we turn against that principle. Hate isn’t an aspiration. While people defend what I’m saying by asserting God hates sin, It’s perfectly fine for God to feel any way toward sin that He chooses. He is, after all, God. His perspective of sin is alienation. Sin causes separation among His creation, both with Him and among ourselves. It’s His great promise that, one day, sin will be eradicated.

No matter how God might feel about sin, God has not ever treated a human being a specific way out of hate. God is love; that means hate is not in His nature. He might feel some kind of way about sin, but it doesn’t change His basic nature, or purpose, toward us.

We, however, are not God. He has not given us the right to hate. He did not instruct us to love everyone and then hate some of them or what they do. Any time we add hate to the equation, we sin against Him and our neighbor.

We also can’t deny that “hate the sin, love the sinner” isn’t used to express hatred of the realities of sin in this world. It’s used to cast judgment, especially in situations where we disagree with what someone else does or believes. We can gloss this over with deliberate language, but it doesn’t change that the expression isn’t said from a place of love.

It creates an open door for judgment

Actually, the statement itself is a judgment (I will talk about that momentarily). If there is one thing on which we don’t agree, it’s how to define judgment. It’s true that quoting the Bible is not judging, but the motive behind why you pick that specific Bible verse and the attitude with which you throw it around may very well be judgmental. There are many arguments on just how much we can judge others and get away with it from a Bible perspective, but that’s our technicalities – not God’s. The root of judgment is a person’s heart and attitude about something. No matter what words are used or how those words are conveyed, judgment will be heard if it’s within one’s intentions.

Saying we should “hate the sin but love the sinner” already implies judgment, because it assumes the one making the statement has the final word on sin (what it is or not). By proclamation, they’ve already declared what someone else is doing to be sinful, whether or not it really is. As much as we believe the Bible stands forever, how we understand it changes with time (especially as we learn more about the context behind it). The specification on judging sin belongs to God alone.

It behooves us to remember God, in His mercy, has made way for forgiveness. Instead of pointing fingers, talking about the grace of God and His forgiveness goes a lot further than deciding to be judge, jury and executioner on sin.

There is a mighty fine line between hating what one does and hating the person

We can say all day long that just because we hate what someone does, that doesn’t equate to hate of a person. Well, what happens when we are taking on hate for the way a person identifies as a human being? What if it’s “hate” for an appearance, or a style, or a relationship? We cross that mighty fine line all the time, but we talk ourselves out of it. We think we hate the thing, rather than the person. In reality, we hate who they are for whatever our reasons are…and that’s not a Christian way to live.

It’s just a lousy thing to say

There are all sort of trite, little Christian sayings that resound of bitterness, dissatisfaction, and unkindness toward others. “Hate the sin, love the sinner” is one of them. It makes other people feel
small. Those who say it or who espouse it feel superior, and it gives the perceived right to judge others based on what we think is going on in their lives. It is extremely unkind.

So, what can I say – stop saying it, stop living by it, and stop thinking it. Instead of feeling the need to state what you think about what others do, take the time to look at the sin in your own life
and work on eradicating it. Extend the same love, patience, and kindness to others that God extends to you as you walk out your salvation with diligence. Above all…be a model of grace yourself.

The bottom line: we are all sinners

Last time I checked, the Bible tells us that we have all fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). We are all sinners. If we are to hate sin, perhaps we should start with our own.

This Valentine’s Day as we pause to consider love for others, how much do you love your neighbor? Don’t convince yourself that hating your neighbor – in any form – is love for them. To love your neighbor is to want the best for them, the highest good, even what you would want for yourself. Every one of us longs for acceptance and understanding, not to mention unconditional love. Mirror God’s love for your neighbor, on this day and every day. If it hurts your pride, that’s God working to help you overcome your sin, rather than hate the sin, love the sinner!

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About Lee Ann B. Marino

Dr. Lee Ann B. Marino, Ph.D., D.Min., D.D. (”The Spitfire”) is “everyone’s favorite theologian” leading Gen X, Millennials, and Gen Z as apostle of Spitfire Apostolic Ministries. Her work encompasses study and instruction on leadership training and development, typology, Pneumatology, conceptual theology, Ephesians 4:11 ministry, and apostolic theology. She is author of over thirty-five books, host of the top twenty percentile podcast Kingdom Now, and serves as founder and overseer of Sanctuary International Fellowship Tabernacle - SIFT and Chancellor of Apostolic Covenant Theological Seminary. Dr. Marino has over twenty-five years of experience in ministry, leadership, counseling, mentoring, education, and business. You can read more about the author here.

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