Love is a Choice

Last updated on: September 3, 2011 at 1:05 pm by Father Pablo Migone

Love is a Choice 2011-09-03T13:05:00-05:00 Father Pablo Migone

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[Homily for the 23rd Sunday of Ordinary Time, Year A]

If love were only a feeling, I believe it’d be impossible for couples to stay married, it would be impossible for parents to care for their children, and it would be impossible for anyone to maintain any kind of friendship or relationship.

Why do I believe this? Because all of us very well know that the people we love the most usually are the people who upset us the most. If love were only a feeling, as soon as someone upset us or hurt us, we would stop loving them and the relationship would soon come to an end.

Love is not only a feeling. Love is something much deeper. Love is primarily a choice. We chose to love. We chose to love another person regardless of feelings, even though love is usually accompanied by good feelings. But when the feelings are not present, love remains, because love is a choice.

Love usually brings feelings of excitement and joy. It makes your heart beat faster and you feel bubbly all over. But love also requires sacrifice, pain and endurance in trail. Love is a combination of all of these.

One of the most ancient definitions of love comes from the Greek philosopher Aristotle who lived in the 4th century before Christ and is the same definition the Church herself uses: Love is to will the good of another. To love then is a choice where we desire and bring about good things in the life of another person. That is it. To will the good of another person.

Love doesn’t require us to become best friends with everyone. It doesn’t require you to have the same feelings towards your children, spouse, family and friends as you have towards a check-out lady at WalMart. It calls for willing good to all and never wishing harm or ill to others.

The greatest good we can will for another person is God. The greatest thing we can wish for another person to gain or achieve is union with God. To love someone is to wish that person Heaven, regardless of your feelings towards him or her.

This makes it possible to truly love our enemies. If someone has deeply hurt you in the past, loving them requires you to forgive them (mostly for your own sake), and wishing them good. The good feelings of the relationship may never return, but love can still be present. You can love them by wishing they find peace of mind and peace with God so they may enjoy eternal life in the presence of God.

Saint Paul reminds us of Jesus’ words to love your neighbor as yourself. Loving our neighbor is about making a choice. Loving our neighbor is about wishing goodness to all those we encounter and all those we know.

Love sometimes requires being firm and direct with a person who is doing wrong. Love drives us to act when we see a wrongdoing or injustice by raising our voices when we see a person causing evil to others or to themselves. Ezekiel encourages us to dissuade the wicked from his way and if the wicked dies of his guilt, we will be held responsible for his death. Not acting in the face of evil or injustice shows a lack of love in our part. In the face of evil, we must act. This is love. We act because we will the good of others.

I’ve had spouses tell me, “I no longer love my wife father.” Or, “I no longer love my husband.” Perhaps the good feelings from the first few years are gone, but their absence does not mean love is gone. Love your spouse by willing good for him or her. Continue to love them and the feelings will return, I promise.

Let us ask the Lord to give us the courage and strength today to love generously as He does. May we always seek and desire the good of others without counting the cost. May we seek to do away with wrongdoing and injustice so the love of God may permeate society.

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