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Must Christians Forgive Others Unconditionally?

Must Christians Forgive Others Unconditionally?

Last updated on: May 8, 2017 at 9:10 pm by Kermit Zarley

Must Christians Forgive Others Unconditionally? 2017-05-08T21:10:29-07:00 Kermit Zarley

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I wrote a post on May 10, 2013, entitled “Is Unconditional Love a Biblical Concept?” Now I will post about unconditional forgiveness. We live in an era in which so many authorities in various disciplines claim that unconditional love, and thus unconditional forgiveness, is the proper way to live. In that post, I said this concept was originated by Darwinian psychiatrists and others opposed to Christianity.

Moreover, many Christians in the USA, if not most of them, are taught in their churches that they must unconditionally forgive their brothers and sisters in the faith, moreover all people, who have sinned against them. That means that their forgiveness has nothing to do with any subsequent response, or lack of it, of the person who has sinned against them. So, even if that erring person does not admit that sin against us and does not express to us regret in having done so, we nevertheless are supposed to forgive that person. And, of course, the same is said in reverse. That is, if we sin against others, they should forgive us no matter whether we admit that sin to them, express our regret, or even ask their forgiveness.

Does the Bible teach that? I don’t think so. If it did, God would not have given the Ten Commandments and everything else that went with them. As I said in that previous post, those who originated the concept of unconditional love were opposed to the idea of a god who makes laws for humans to obey regarding living a righteous life.

The most important teaching about forgiveness in the Bible is surely what Jesus taught in his so-called Lord’s Prayer. This teaching on prayer is recorded by both Matthew and Luke (Matt 6.9-13; Luke 11.2-4). I don’t think we can know for sure if these two accounts refer to the same event or two separate events. I am somewhat inclined to think it was the latter. Yet Luke says it was prompted by the disciples asking Jesus, “Lord, teach us to pray” (Luke 11.2 NIV). Matthew only says Jesus said to his disciples, “This is how you should pray” (Matt 6.9). In each case, it is intended for those who truly believe in, know, and worship the God of the Bible. For Jesus begins the prayer, “(Our) Father.” You cannot rightfully call the God of the Bible your “Father” unless you are related to God, thus a “child of God.” People are not “children of God” merely by being created by God but by having a genuine relationship with God.

Jesus then taught his disciples a model prayer. Many Christians can recite this prayer verbatim, but usually as Matthew has it rather than as Luke does. Matthew then records that Jesus included in this prayer formula, “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Matt 6.12). The word “debts” does not refer to a monetary debt owed to someone, a bank, or some Jewish mortgage company back then. Rather, Jesus meant being indebted to someone by owing that person an apology for having offended him or her. This becomes clear in what Luke relates, saying Jesus included in this model prayer, “Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us” (Luke 11.4).

Notice, first of all, that Jesus says we should ask God to forgive us when we have sinned. And Jesus seems to mean here both sins committed only against God as well as sins against people, which incidentally are always against God too. This is very important to understand for living a Christian life. Some Christian teachers have said it is unnecessary to ask God for forgivenenss because he has already forgiven his people of their sins–past, present, and future–when they first believed in Jesus and therefore were saved. That is what I was taught in my early theological education. But I think it is wrong and that it is based on a misunderstanding of certain biblical texts. And that practice doesn’t work very well in marriage or other personal relationships, so why would it work in our relationship with God? Plus, the Bible records several incidents in which individuals or Israel as a nation prayed, asking God for forgiveness in order for him to continue to manifest his presence in their lives and bring about blessing.

Second, Jesus taught that the prayer participant should ask God’s forgiveness conditionally, not unconditionally. That is, both Matthew and Luke have Jesus saying a person is to ask God for forgiveness because he or she has forgiven others. This teaching makes sense, and it coincides with much of Jesus’ other teachings. For example, according to Matthew, Jesus had earlier taught, “when you are offering your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift” (Matt 5.23-24 NRSV). This shows that if we do not do what it says, God will not recognize our gift on the altar, which is a gift solely to him. This confirms the above, that God will not continue to manifest his presence to us and bring blessing to our lives as he otherwise would if we would do what is right about this subject.

Third, only Matthew records that Jesus taught what is called “church discipline.” He said, “If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one. But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector” (Matt 18.15-17). This teaching most clearly is against unconditional forgiveness.

Luke relates that on another occassion Jesus said, “If another disciple sins, you must rebuke the offender, and if there is repentance, you must forgive. And if the same person sins against you seven times a day, and turns back to you seven times and says, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive” (Luke 17.3-4). Telling a person you are sorry for sinning against him or her is called “repentance.” Everytime someone sins against me, and that person afterwards sincerely tells me he or she is sorry, I must then forgive that person.

When we sin against someone and afterwards admit that sin to that person, the Bible calls it “confession.” James, who was Jesus’ brother in the flesh, says, “confess your sins to one another” (James 5.16). We also read about this confession to God, “If we confess our sins, he who is faithful and just will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1.9). And when we confess and express our regret, the Bible calls that “repentance,” which means to change our mind about it.

The Christian gospel is that God requires people to repent of their sins and believe in Jesus’ atoning death on the cross for their sins and his resurrection from the dead to receive God’s forgiveness. What are we then forgiven of? We have broken God’s laws, such as his Ten Commandments. (However, I don’t think Gentiles are required to keep the Sabbath holy, though I think setting time aside for worshipping God is beneficial.) People cannot attain a relationship with God without repentance. When we repent, God forgives us. So, as I stated in the post about unconditional love, God’s requirement of repentance for salvation makes salvation conditional.

Now, some who would agree with what I’m saying might add, “If I forgive someone for sinning against me, and she or he does it again, that shows that person never really repented in the first place.” Not so. During the time of Jesus, rabbis generally taught Jews that they don’t have to forgive a person over and over again for commiting an offense, but only a total of seven times. At least they taught that people committing the same sin seven times and repenting about it seven times could be regarded as sincere repentance. But beyond that, Jews were not required to forgive any more. This injunction seems to be based somewhat on the reasoning just quoted, that after sinning and repenting seven times another repentance is deemed ungenuine.

Jesus taught contrarily. When he finished his teaching on church discipline, “Peter came and said to him, ‘Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times'” (Matt 18.21-22). Some versions, such as the KJV, have “seventy times seven,” meaning 490 times. Jesus obviously meant that there should be no end to our forgiving others if they continue expressing sorrowful regret for repeated offences. Then Jesus taught a parable about what happens between us and God “if you do not forgive your brother or sister from your heart” (v. 35). If you haven’t read this parable in Matt 18.23-35, you should. Believe me–it’s frightening! It should put the fear of God into all of us.

BTW, those who created the notion of unconditional forgiveness loathed the idea of the fear of God. But the Bible says repeatedly, “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom” (Psalm 111.10; Proverbs 1.7; 9.10).

Paul taught conditional forgiveness in church discipline as well. In his first extant letter to the saints at Corinth, he mentions a problem in that church in which a supposed brother was cohabitating with his mother-in-law, which included having sexual relations with her, yet church leaders neglected to deal with it (1 Corinthians 5.1). Paul then rebuked church leaders for this, saying, “you are arrogant! Should you not rather have mourned, so that he who has done this would have been removed from among you?” (v. 2). Then Paul adds that though he is geographically absent from them, “I have already pronounced judgment in the name of the Lord Jesus on the man who has done such a thing. When you are assembled, and my spirit is present with the the power of our Lord Jesus, you are to hand this man over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord” (vv. 3-5). Why was Paul so hard on this man? He says, paraphrased, “One bad apple ruins the bunch.”

Indeed, when God was blessing the socks off the new, fledging church, a married couple lied about selling some land they owned. Luke records, “Peter asked, ‘why has Satan filled your heart to lie to the Holy Spirit and to keep back part of the proceeds of the land?’… Now when Ananias heard these words, he fell down and died. And great fear seized all who heard of it” (Acts 5.3, 5). And the same thing soon happened to his wife. The result was that it caused godly fear in the church. For Luke also adds, “And great fear sezied the whole church” (v. 11).

In my life I’ve heard of some stories in which church leaders were faced with some such situation, and they decided not to exercise the three steps, or particularly the third step, of church discipline that Jesus taught in Matthew 18.15-17. Why? They concluded that they themselves were sinners and thus had no right to so judge the sinning brother. And they might have invoked Jesus’ words, “Do not judge, so that you may not be judged” (Matt 7.1), which would have been a misapplication of the injunction.

Sometimes, this reasoning about church leaders sinning has been taken too far. That is, all believers in Jesus still wrestle with their sin nature and therefore sin. But all sins are not of equal severity in the eyes of God, and most humans as well, as Jesus clearly taught in Matt 5.21-22. That is, premeditated murder is a greater sin than unjust hatred, even though the latter is the cause of the former. So, church leaders should be spiritually “clean” in their individual lives regarding some sin for which they should rebuke a professing brother. If not, they are being hypocrites. But Jesus is not saying in his teaching on church discipline that church leaders must be perfectly righteous in order to undertake such a role of judging. Solomon wrote, “Surely there is no one on earth so righteous as to do good without ever sinning” (Ecclesiates 7.20). This, of course, applies to all of us except Jesus, whom the NT repeatedly says was sinless (e.g., Hebrews 4.15; 7.26; 2 Corinthians 5.21).

Perhaps the strongest teaching against unconditional forgiveness is when the risen Jesus appeared to his disciples gathered in a house on the first Easter evening and said to them, “Peace be with you…. Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained” (John 20.21-23).

Paul also taught conditional forgiveness for believers. He commanded the Colossians Christians, “just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive” (Colossians 3.13). How does the Lord forgive? He only forgives us when we confess our sins to him, express our regret, and perhaps ask for his forgiveness. Thus, Paul means that we are to forgive those who sin against us when they afterwards confess their wrongdoing to us, perhaps even asking our forgiveness. And, of course, everything I’m saying here applies to our offenses against others as well. Paul also wrote similarly to the Ephesian believers by saying, “be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ has forgiven you” (Ephesians 5.32).

Does this conditional forgiveness mean that we have a right to hate those people after they sin against us if they don’t repent? Absolutely not! Jesus also taught, “love your enemies” (Matt 5.44). Then what about avenging such wrongs? God declares in Torah, “Vengeance is mine, and recompense” (Deuteronomy 32.35). Paul quotes this as well as Proverbs 25.21-22 by writing, “‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’ No, ‘if your enemies are hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them something to drink; for by doing this you will heap burning coals on their heads.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12.19-21).

I could go on and on with Bible examples supporting Jesus’ teaching in his Lord’s Prayer on conditional forgiveness. Another related issue is that practicing unconditional forgiveness can lead to licentiousness both for the practitioner and the forgiven. Perhaps in another post I will address this issue.

Unconditional Forgiveness?

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