Buddhist Catholic Contemplative Evangelical General Christian Hindu Jewish Latter-day Saint Muslim New Visions Progressive Christian

Beliefs

Topics

Columnists

Resource Library

Research Tools

Video

Podcasts

Thought Readers

Faith In Media Tracker

Newsletters

Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In Subscription Support

Follow Patheos

Kelley Mathews

Home
Family, Parenting and Religion
Marriage: A Covenant of Partnership or Power?

Marriage: A Covenant of Partnership or Power?

Last updated on: September 28, 2020 at 10:05 am by Kelley Mathews

Marriage: A Covenant of Partnership or Power? 2020-09-28T10:05:24-05:00 Kelley Mathews

LOGO Patheos Explore the world's faith through different perspectives on religion and spirituality! Patheos has the views of the prevalent religions and spiritualities of the world.

covenant partners

But what about Ephesians 5?

Ephesians 5 is (in?)famous for Paul’s exhortation to husbands and wives. Here we read that women must submit themselves to their husbands and husbands must sacrifice themselves for their wives. He also includes instructions on how to live honorably with children and household slaves. Understanding these instructions requires at least a brief introduction to the culture of the day. This post and this post provide excellent history on the “household codes” prevalent in first-century Ephesus.

The basics: men ruled their households, which included wife, children, and slaves. They were the undisputed authority in their homes, which often resembled a small business. Social order depended upon order at home. Marriages at that time actually did more closely resemble a S/V relationship, with men holding the social, financial, legal powers. In Ephesians 5, Paul turned cultural practice on its head by commanding the husbands to sacrifice themselves and enable/encourage their wives to flourish. This was radical, very different from the usual “be in charge” reality.

Paul also instructed wives to submit themselves. This was nothing new, but now in Christ a wife could do so with a healthy, godly attitude. They could submit “in the Lord,” that is, according to their consciences, showing respect rather than begrudging obedience.

[My group’s affirmation of male authority did not parallel all the elements of a S/V covenant so much as innately reiterate a particular understanding of the word kephale, translated as head, which appears in several New Testament passages relating to men and women. Some scholars believe it means authority, while some say it means source (both are legitimate, depending on context), while others point to its use as a metaphor. And while that discussion is likely the underlying assumption that steered the conversation, it’s best left to another post. I point you to this and this for an excellent study of kephale.]

So what about covenants today?

I believe that many in the church largely ignore the context of Ephesians 5 while advocating for the “roles” apparent within the passage: women submit, therefore men lead. Except, the actual wording is: women submit themselves, and men sacrifice themselves. The word “submit” fools the modern reader into thinking marriage includes a power arrangement. As a whole, Paul echoes the creation narrative by encouraging oneness! Mutual submission, mutual encouragement, mutual lifting up of the other. Love and respect flow from both to both.

So, no, marriage as God intended it does not resemble any sort of suzerain/vassal covenant. None of the markers are there. God’s design for marriage was established in the Garden where:

neither the man nor the woman had authority over the other (see 1 Corinthians 7:4),
loyalty went both ways (not just the woman to the man),
the purpose for the union was oneness, not a conditional exchange of favors (if you do this, I’ll do that)
they shared responsibility for the land,
both were limited to one partner—no man/suzerain would be allowed to covenant with other women/vassals. Marriage was meant to be between one man and one woman (and yes, polygamy was a result of the fall).

Christian marriage is a covenant between two redeemed sinners, pledging before God to be faithful to one another. In the strength of the Holy Spirit, let’s join forces with our spouse so that his and her strengths are magnified, weaknesses covered, sins forgiven, with both given room to flourish in every aspect of life.

Together. As one.

Previous Post

September 10, 2020

Can a Christian be an environmentalist?

Next Post

October 1, 2020 Read This Book: Urban Legends of Church History

Browse Our Archives

Select a Category adoption art bible Bible study books compassion creation culture dogs facebook faith family friendship funeral grieving justice leadership Mardi Gras marriage memorial mental illness milestones missions MOPS movies parenting politics race relationships social media technology Thanksgiving theology trusting God Uncategorized wedding women worship

Select a Month June 2021 April 2021 February 2021 January 2021 November 2020 October 2020 September 2020 August 2020 July 2020 June 2020 May 2020 April 2020 February 2020 January 2020 December 2019 November 2019 September 2019 August 2019 July 2019 June 2019 May 2019 April 2019 March 2019 January 2019 December 2018 November 2018 October 2018 September 2018 August 2018 July 2018 June 2018 May 2018 April 2018 March 2018 February 2018 January 2018 November 2017 September 2017 August 2017 July 2017 October 2013 September 2013 October 2012 August 2012 January 2012 October 2011 May 2011 February 2011 January 2011

TAKE THE

Religious Wisdom Quiz

What is the correct order of 'these three' that remain, as mentioned in 1 Corinthians 13?

Select your answer to see how you score.

Faith, hope, love Hope, faith, love Love, faith, hope Faith, love, hope

Books by This Author Books by Kelley Mathews

See All Titles »